I am having to move my mum in with me as my dad cant cope and she requures 24hr care. Does anyone have any advise for me i private rent but will have to move for a roo. For my mother. She and my dad own their own home outright so with she get any help with rent cost as I won't be able to afford to pay for another bedroom and the council have a 12 month plus wait even when your a priority banding. Any help with financial funding and anything that may help me. Many thanks guys
Moving my mother with dementia in with me what helps available for housing.
- Thread starter Lisa22williams78
- Start date
Welcome to the forum and others will be along soon with better advice. I can't give any advice regarding the finance side but honestly , don't move your mother in with you, please don't . Do you have lasting power of attorney? Has your mother had a needs assessment and a carer's assessment for you? Can you cope financially, are you having carers in for your mother? What plans have you got for disruption at night? No one can cope with this 24/7.
Hello @Lisa22williams78
As your mum owns her home with your Dad I’m afraid I don’t think there will be any funding to help you.
I looked after my mum when she was mid stage. I loved it but it was all consuming and my life was put on hold. I would suggest you try her for a weekend / week first to see how it goes before you make any big decisions.
As she had her own home, mum moved and rented somewhere near me so I could care. I moved in with her. She had the extra costs to pay but had some income of her own which she was able to use.
Have you considered carers at home or regular respite to see if that helps your dad cope? Also don’t be put off a care home …at the right time…
As your mum owns her home with your Dad I’m afraid I don’t think there will be any funding to help you.
I looked after my mum when she was mid stage. I loved it but it was all consuming and my life was put on hold. I would suggest you try her for a weekend / week first to see how it goes before you make any big decisions.
As she had her own home, mum moved and rented somewhere near me so I could care. I moved in with her. She had the extra costs to pay but had some income of her own which she was able to use.
Have you considered carers at home or regular respite to see if that helps your dad cope? Also don’t be put off a care home …at the right time…
It’s highly unlikely that she will get any financial support to move as she has a house with your dad.
Your plan to care for her 24 hours a day sounds very un-achievable, when will you get a break or sleep? If you are not working , you may be able to claim carers allowance but this really is a very small amount and wouldn’t cover any rent, let alone bills.
As others have said, if your dad is struggling then maybe it is time to look at having carers in or look at care homes.
Your plan to care for her 24 hours a day sounds very un-achievable, when will you get a break or sleep? If you are not working , you may be able to claim carers allowance but this really is a very small amount and wouldn’t cover any rent, let alone bills.
As others have said, if your dad is struggling then maybe it is time to look at having carers in or look at care homes.
Hi @Lisa22williams78 welcome from me too.
I’m afraid I too advise caution. I looked after my dad more or less by myself for two years and was totally stressed out by the end of it. Introducing professional dementia trained carers helped me to keep him in his own home until about 5 months before he died unexpectedly. I didn’t live with dad so I got to go home and have a break.
Someone with dementia can be quite destructive of a property, especially once incontinence starts, so I suspect you would lose a large chunk of your deposit - if not all of it - when the landlord is faced with a huge cleaning bill or having to replace the flooring.
I understand you wanting to look after your mum but feel she has probably reached the stage now where she needs a whole team of people to look after her. Is there any way you could stay with your parents for a week or so, even if it means sleeping on the sofa, so that you have a better idea of your mums needs and then you can decide whether she needs extra care at home so your dad can cope or a carehome.
If you can arrange it, regular respite can help the main carer to cope and delay the need for a move.
Does your mum have attendance allowance as this can help with extra costs? Has your dad had a carers’ assessment from Social Services? This can provide extra support beyond what your mum needs to help him cope for now.
I’m afraid I too advise caution. I looked after my dad more or less by myself for two years and was totally stressed out by the end of it. Introducing professional dementia trained carers helped me to keep him in his own home until about 5 months before he died unexpectedly. I didn’t live with dad so I got to go home and have a break.
Someone with dementia can be quite destructive of a property, especially once incontinence starts, so I suspect you would lose a large chunk of your deposit - if not all of it - when the landlord is faced with a huge cleaning bill or having to replace the flooring.
I understand you wanting to look after your mum but feel she has probably reached the stage now where she needs a whole team of people to look after her. Is there any way you could stay with your parents for a week or so, even if it means sleeping on the sofa, so that you have a better idea of your mums needs and then you can decide whether she needs extra care at home so your dad can cope or a carehome.
If you can arrange it, regular respite can help the main carer to cope and delay the need for a move.
Does your mum have attendance allowance as this can help with extra costs? Has your dad had a carers’ assessment from Social Services? This can provide extra support beyond what your mum needs to help him cope for now.
I would advise extreme caution too. My mum came to stay in Covid as my Dad died suddenly. 3 months later the family managed to get her into a care home. It was very traumatic and although I had many years experience as a Care Worker with the elderly and also as a care for my husband who is disabled and uses a wheelchair caring for somebody withdementia is very different and difficult., relentless and all consuming. The 3 months I had Mum living with us nearly broke me. Covid exasperated difficulties as support was almost non existant but even so. I would advise you to stop, think and talk this through with Social Services, the Memory team and Doctors.
Do you work? If so, how are you going to manage with your mother living with you? If your father can no longer cope your mother must be quite demanding. It's unlikely that you will be able to leave her for any length of time to go to work and if you work from home it's unlikely that she won't disturb you repeatedly making it impossible for you to work effectively. Day centres might help (if your mother will go) but the hours are shorter than a working day and they are not free.
Does she sleep well at night? How are you going to manage if she wakes repeatedly, wanders or won't go the bed at a reasonable hour?
If you give up work you will be living on Carers Allowance and perhaps Universal Credit. Private landlords aren't keen on tenants who claim housing benefit and there's a good chance that if the rent is paid late (because your claim for housing benefit is delayed) or you struggle to pay because the housing benefit doesn't cover the whole of the rent you will be evicted.
Have your mother stay for a week and see how you get on.
Does she sleep well at night? How are you going to manage if she wakes repeatedly, wanders or won't go the bed at a reasonable hour?
If you give up work you will be living on Carers Allowance and perhaps Universal Credit. Private landlords aren't keen on tenants who claim housing benefit and there's a good chance that if the rent is paid late (because your claim for housing benefit is delayed) or you struggle to pay because the housing benefit doesn't cover the whole of the rent you will be evicted.
Have your mother stay for a week and see how you get on.
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