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moved in with dad as mum has died - advice please

Garlinge99

New member
Jan 16, 2020
4
Nearly every day, dad hides his wallet in his room at night, then says someone has been in his room & taken it,. people keep telling me not to take it personally but it so hard not to. My mum cared for dad who has been diagnosed with alzheimer's, mum passed away suddenly 8 weeks ago, me & my husband have moved in with dad, we are really struggling to now how to deal with it, as well as everything else
 

Garlinge99

New member
Jan 16, 2020
4
Hello, my mum passed away suddenly 8 weeks ago she was full time carer for my dad who has been diagnosed with alzheimer's. Me & my husband worked full time & had a busy life. We decided to move in with dad to care for him, we feel very nieve to what my mum was having to cope with. I have given up work, my husband had 6 weeks off work to help at the being but has now returned to work, he works 11 hour days & I am really struggling to cope with dad on my own. Dad wants to be doing things all the time but has limited mobility, he asks every morning, what are we doing today if I say nothing ( I have jobs to do) he'll say his sick of sitting in his chair all the time. if we go to the shops he can't manage very far, unless he has a trolley to push, he refuses to use a stick or a walker. I had 2 dogs of my own & mum had just got a puppy, everytime I go to take the dogs out he wants to come when i say he can't walk very far he say of course I can. it's starting to get me down. The last couple of weeks we've had wallet gate, he wants money in is wallet, keeps getting it out & counting it, then hides it in his room at night then acusses someone of taking it, when we finally find it he says he hasn't put it there. I know its part of the illness but it's so hard.
 

Shedrech

Volunteer Moderator
Dec 15, 2012
8,541
Yorkshire
hello @Garlinge99
a warm welcome to DTP
my condolences on the death of your mum

a tricky time for you all
contact your dad's Local Authority Adult Services and let them know your situation ... ask for an urgent assessment of his care needs, or a re-assessment if your dad has already been assessed as his circumstances have changed dramatically ... you may want to ask for some respite so that you can consider the future knowing your dad is being looked after 24 hours a day ... even if you are considering staying with him, tell Adult Services that you need to go back to your own home so they have no opportunity to think they can leave you to his care

you might take a look here for local support
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/find-support-near-you
 

Woohoo

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
724
South East
Hi @Garlinge99 , welcome from me too. I’m sorry to hear about your mum, sending you condolences . It’s a very hard situation , a lot of us are in that same position , i knew how much my dad did for my mum as I had her for 1 day a week to give him a break and was there a lot but it’s still completely different to living with them. Everything you are saying we relate too. Get help as soon as possible , wether that’s carers or sitting service or a day centre . I dallied about it and it’s harder in the long run. Have you got LPA sorted ? If not that is a must , attendance allowance too. I read the guide on the main website and got the book and it’s really helpful . Keep posting , lots of advice and support here . Take care of yourself too.
 

Bod

Registered User
Aug 30, 2013
1,212
RE. the wallet, could a "key finder" be put in it?
The sort that if you clap or whistle, then it beeps to reveal it's hiding place.
Try Day-centres for your father, some are very good, certainly will keep him suitably busy.
Get him used to carers coming in for him, now so that later when they are really needed, he's used to them.
Create routines that suit you, he will get used to them, and come to welcome them.
Get LPA's done now!

Bod
 

Garlinge99

New member
Jan 16, 2020
4
Thank you all for your replys, had a good chat with dad this morning, he's been a lot better today, let's hope it continues for a little bit. Been to the memory clinic this morning, thay are going to get us some help, he says he doesn't want it, I've tried to explain it for us not just him, thanks again Julie
 

Woohoo

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
724
South East
Don’t wait for him to agree , it won’t happen (well unlikely) just got to get on and do it for him . Great you had a good chat , if that was my mum she would have forgotten the chat within minutes . Fingers crossed you get help soon , and please do get Lpa ‘s sorted ASAP , saves a lot of hassle in the long run , easy and cheaper printing them off online and doing yourself if you don’t want to use a solicitor .
 

Garlinge99

New member
Jan 16, 2020
4
Don’t wait for him to agree , it won’t happen (well unlikely) just got to get on and do it for him . Great you had a good chat , if that was my mum she would have forgotten the chat within minutes . Fingers crossed you get help soon , and please do get Lpa ‘s sorted ASAP , saves a lot of hassle in the long run , easy and cheaper printing them off online and doing yourself if you don’t want to use a solicitor .
Thank you, I'm sure he has forgotten already, we do have Lpa sorted, mum did it all before she passed, we have a financial adviser to help us sort the estate because it's very complicated
 

Woohoo

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
724
South East
Thank you, I'm sure he has forgotten already, we do have Lpa sorted, mum did it all before she passed, we have a financial adviser to help us sort the estate because it's very complicated
That’s good, one less thing to worry about . Always good to take advice about these things , I too have one(FA) for Mum .