Mother thinks I have abandoned her

[Swaney]

My Mother’s care home just rang as she doesn’t understand where she is. I spoke with her and she asked my why I had abandoned her without any money and how was she going to get home as she has no money to pay for the taxi, she wanted to know why I would do this to her. We had a lovely day out today and I went home feeling fairly happy, what can I do?

 

[marionq]

Some members have advised sending cards or postcards when you’re not there. That would give her something to hold onto. Use very upbeat and positive phrases and remind her that you’ll visit on such and such a day.

 

[lemonbalm]

Hello @Swaney

I’m not sure the care home should be calling you to tell you that. They should really be able to distract your mum and make her feel comfortable about wherever she thinks she is. I must admit that I have had similar calls in the past, however. Sending regular cards and small gifts is a good way of reminding your mum that you are thinking of her when you cannot be there.

Apart from that, you can create a kinder reality for your mum by telling “love lies”. Perhaps she is convalescing after an illness and the doctor says she needs to stay there a bit longer, as this stops you looking like the bad guy. You know your mum best, so tell her whatever you think may work at the time.

This is very difficult stuff but there are lots of us out here to help you along, so keep posting for advice and support or just to tell us how things are going. You are not alone!

 

[Swaney]

Thanks both, it‘s her I’m feeling sad about, being so scared and confused. I’ll call to see her tomorrow and she will already have forgotten about it, but it’s the thought of her being so frightened that upsets me.