Good morning, everyone - I've not posted on here for ages, but this issue is now causing my poor father so much stress. He is nearly 91, Mother is 83, and was diagnosed with Alzheimer's in 2011. Over the last two years, her eating has been erratic, but in the last few months, if she eats even a small meal, that's a miracle! By small, I mean maybe two small potatoes, a few peas, a little bit of chicken, a few slices of carrot, followed by a pot of mousse or trifle. Her taste has changed drastically, too. So many things she declares as "too salty", even if poor Father hasn't added any salt at all. We have to cut everything up very small for her, and she refuses to use a knife, just a fork. We can't get her to sit at the table any more, either, she has a tray on her lap. I should add that she has horrible rheumatoid arthritis, so is often in pain, poor love. Back in the summer, Father agreed to me speaking to the GP about the eating issue (he's very deaf), and she prescribed milkshake mixes, and to go back to her if the situation didn't improve. I should add that Mother has absolutely no problem with draining an entire bottle of wine at one sitting, with virtually no effect, despite her lack of food intake! Father worries about this, too, and is very strict with how many glasses of wine she can have at any one time. My sister and I tend to think "Why worry? How much worse could it be for her?", and the doctor was of a similar opinion. Father despairs, now, at every meal - Mother will declare that she's hungry, yet, when served with a meal, she'll push it round the plate, and then say "I'll have it later" or "Can I have it tomorrow?". Of course, she never does have it either later or tomorrow. My sister and I are so worried, more so for Father, really - we are aware that these eating issues can be part and parcel of Alzheimer's. He becomes very defensive, as he believes that if he gives even the tiniest impression that he's not coping, Mother will be whisked away to a care home. I witnessed a major stand-off the other day, when he brought her a milkshake drink, and said she had to have it because she'd rejected her lunch, yet again. "I don't want it!" she said. "You've got to have it, you haven't eaten anything". "No! I DON'T WANT IT!" and this went on for several minutes. She's a wily old fox, though, and actually pretended to have some of it (she has a cup with a straw). He's sussed this, of course, as he measures the level! I'm sure he's not alone with having to try and deal with this situation, and if anyone of you wonderful people have any suggestions as to how we can try and manage it, we'd be incredibly grateful. Forgive me for the lengthy post.
Mother is eating so little, Father is desperately worried
- Thread starter hollysmum
- Start date
Hi @hollysmum
I think there are several things going on here.
One is that your mum can only eat small amounts. She probably doesnt need that much now anyway as Im guessing that shes not very mobile, so dont worry about small quantities.
People with dementia have changing taste buds - they lose the taste of many things, but sweet is the last to go, so many people with dementia develop a sweet tooth. They will happily knock back cake and biscuits, but turn their nose up at meat and two veg.
It sounds to me as though your mum can no longer remember how to use a knife and fork, which makes eating set meals difficult.
I think the way to go here is to move away from the "three balanced meals" a day and go for several small finger food type snacks - perhaps sweet things like trifle or chocolate mousse. Im sure your dad wont be happy, because it goes against everything that he has grown up to believe is the "right" way to eat, but I agree with your doctor - if she will eat it, it doesnt matter too much what it is. Try experimenting with little pots of sweet things and finger food snacks. I used to give mum a bowl with a variety of things cut up small - cubes of cheese, fruit (especially grapes) cut up, hula hoops, mini sausage rolls etc - not too much, though, and put it down beside her while she was watching TV. She would protest that she could never eat that much, so I just used to say, never mind eat what you can and after half an hour it would be gone.
Another way is to load up what she will eat/drink with extra calories. Use full fat milk in her tea, or even cream in her coffee. Im sure other people will come along and tell you what they did.
I think there are several things going on here.
One is that your mum can only eat small amounts. She probably doesnt need that much now anyway as Im guessing that shes not very mobile, so dont worry about small quantities.
People with dementia have changing taste buds - they lose the taste of many things, but sweet is the last to go, so many people with dementia develop a sweet tooth. They will happily knock back cake and biscuits, but turn their nose up at meat and two veg.
It sounds to me as though your mum can no longer remember how to use a knife and fork, which makes eating set meals difficult.
I think the way to go here is to move away from the "three balanced meals" a day and go for several small finger food type snacks - perhaps sweet things like trifle or chocolate mousse. Im sure your dad wont be happy, because it goes against everything that he has grown up to believe is the "right" way to eat, but I agree with your doctor - if she will eat it, it doesnt matter too much what it is. Try experimenting with little pots of sweet things and finger food snacks. I used to give mum a bowl with a variety of things cut up small - cubes of cheese, fruit (especially grapes) cut up, hula hoops, mini sausage rolls etc - not too much, though, and put it down beside her while she was watching TV. She would protest that she could never eat that much, so I just used to say, never mind eat what you can and after half an hour it would be gone.
Another way is to load up what she will eat/drink with extra calories. Use full fat milk in her tea, or even cream in her coffee. Im sure other people will come along and tell you what they did.
I think the big issue with letting your mum drink wine is with mobility and the possibility of falls, even out of bed. I would like to think that people can enjoy some things in life but too much of a good thing could be a little risky.
I used to buy dad tiny little pots of chocolate ganache that were loaded with calories and I added double cream to everything including the milkshakes, soups and even on top of ice cream. Dad actually gained a lot of weight from it.
Another thing i thought of
You said your mum eats from a tray on her lap. Does your dad still eat at the table?
Mum would only eat a meal if someone else was eating too. If she cant see your dad eating that might put her off too.
You said your mum eats from a tray on her lap. Does your dad still eat at the table?
Mum would only eat a meal if someone else was eating too. If she cant see your dad eating that might put her off too.
Thank you all so much for your replies. My sister and I have suggested, several times, that Father has several "finger" foods available to give Mother when she announces she's hungry, and yes, it's very hard to get him out of the "three meals a day" routine! I noted this past weekend that she ate all of the portion of mashed potato I put with her casserole (she rejected the latter "I don't like it"!), so nice, soft foods seem to be favoured. She will generally happily eat a mousse/trifle in a pot, too - again, nice and soft. Father makes her milkshakes with whole milk, too, so that's good. He has a little table in front of his chair, and eats next to her, so they do eat together. I eat with them at the weekends, but that doesn't seem to encourage her!! It really is very like trying to deal with a fussy child now. I really appreciate you sharing your experiences - I will pass all this on to Father, and see if he can be persuaded to try the "little and often" approach. XX
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