My mother in law has just been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and Dementia. She is 78yrs old and so far this year she has lost her best friend/next door neighbour and the both her brother and husband a day after each other. We knew there was something wrong before the above happened, even 2-3yrs ago to be honest as when ever you asked her what she had done etc my father in law would always answer for her and it gradually got worse and worse. I don’t think Covid helped as they were locked up for so long. When her husband died that was what tipper her completely over the edge and she had a mental breakdown. It was unexpected even though he was 86 with cancer. She is currently in a home for her own safety as she kept wandering the streets and was petrified to be on her own at night phoning us 20/30 times a night saying someone was going to break in and attack her. We couldn’t get anymore locks on her windows and doors. When she first went in the home she tried to climb over the fence and kept trying to get out all the doors. She cried constantly and kept saying that her husband is at home waiting for her. It is so devastating to see. She has said a couple of times is she doesn’t get out she will kill herself. Another problem is she can’t be on her own. She gets up at 7:30am at the home and goes and sits with the manager who then gets staff to get her helping out doing things to keep her busy. She won’t just sit and watch tele or read. Is this all normal and just part of the illness? We are struggling to know what is the right thing to do. Any advice would be fantastic as to be honest, we helpless. Thank you.
Mother in Law has been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and dementia
- Thread starter Lozweston1972
- Start date
Welcome to Dementia Talking Point @Lozweston1972. It must have been a very tough few months both for your mother in law and for your family to lose so many family members and friends in such a short space of time.
A care home sounds the best place for your MiL and it sounds like they are doing a good job at trying to keep her busy. I wonder if it is worth asking the home's GP or the memory clinic to assess her, there may me medication that will help with her anxiety. As for asking for her husband is there any way you can use what is called round here 'love lies' and tell her that he is fine, but away on business or some other excuse?
A care home sounds the best place for your MiL and it sounds like they are doing a good job at trying to keep her busy. I wonder if it is worth asking the home's GP or the memory clinic to assess her, there may me medication that will help with her anxiety. As for asking for her husband is there any way you can use what is called round here 'love lies' and tell her that he is fine, but away on business or some other excuse?
Hello @Lozweston1972 and welcome to Talking point
Im so sorry to hear about your MIL. I think everything must have come as a huge shock to the whole family. Yes, all the things you have described are due to her dementia. Most people with dementia develop a fear of being on their own and need someone with them 24/7 to reassure and direct them. If they are on their own they will often go looking for someone they know (mum used to go out in the middle of the night dressed only in nightware and bang on random peoples doors...) and if they are living with their carer they will constantly follow them around (called shadowing) and get distressed if they even go to the loo so they cant see them.
It must be very distressing for you when she she says that her husband is waiting for her. I dont know how you are handling that, but I wouldnt keep reminding her that he has died. Also, her threats of killing herself are just that - threats. It is only her distress at her present circumstances that is making her say this. She will be unable to understand why she needs to be there, but it sounds like this care home is looking after her very well and understands her needs. They will keep her safe and look after her. I dont know how long she has been there, but it usually takes people a good couple of months to settle.
Im so sorry to hear about your MIL. I think everything must have come as a huge shock to the whole family. Yes, all the things you have described are due to her dementia. Most people with dementia develop a fear of being on their own and need someone with them 24/7 to reassure and direct them. If they are on their own they will often go looking for someone they know (mum used to go out in the middle of the night dressed only in nightware and bang on random peoples doors...) and if they are living with their carer they will constantly follow them around (called shadowing) and get distressed if they even go to the loo so they cant see them.
It must be very distressing for you when she she says that her husband is waiting for her. I dont know how you are handling that, but I wouldnt keep reminding her that he has died. Also, her threats of killing herself are just that - threats. It is only her distress at her present circumstances that is making her say this. She will be unable to understand why she needs to be there, but it sounds like this care home is looking after her very well and understands her needs. They will keep her safe and look after her. I dont know how long she has been there, but it usually takes people a good couple of months to settle.
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