Mother in law convinced she has "other house" - how to deal with this?

[Susiemoo]

Hello everyone, my partner's mum has been slowly sliding into deteriorating memory and cognitive skills for some time, there's a few ongoing themes and problems with her but the main thing that's worrying us is that she's convinced that she has been living in, or has visited, what she refers to as "the other house". It started with her saying there was things in her kitchen cupboards, glassware etc, that wasn't hers. When we reassured her they were, she'd say "they" must have brought them back from the other house. This progressed to saying she'd been staying at the other house but she's come back now, that other people have been living in her house while she's been away, and more recently that "they" have brought her to the other house and left her there and no one has been to see her, and she couldn't ring for a taxi because she didn't know any of the phone numbers. When we've asked about this house she says it's another street exactly the same as hers and it's near where her mum lives (then promptly says but I know she's dead). She doesn't know who has taken her there, or how, but she's absolutely adamant she's been there and come back again. She's been looking through her paperwork to try and find something that proves this place exists.
We know she doesn't eat or drink enough and this combined with her diabetes and often forgetting to take her tablets results in these episodes of extreme confusion. I'm worried that she might try to "get home" and go wandering off and put herself at risk. She's prone to falling too. I suspect she's having episodes where she doesn't recognise her house as her own but how on earth do we deal with this? We nod and agree to a lot of the little stuff she says that's fanciful but we don't feel at all comfortable going along with this other house thing with her. Your thoughts and insights will be appreciated! By the way she's had a couple of memory assessments, we've reported the house thing to her doctor but just don't know what we should be doing next if anything.

 

[Chizz]

Hi @Susiemoo
It's a v difficult situation, for which you will need all your patience and tolerance. A person with early stages dementia can often get confused. Something different - a different place, different people, etc - it's the unfamiliar that can be confusing and even upsetting. You just have to do your best and kindest to re-assure, and re-assure again, etc.
The confusion can include regressing so the PWD sees themself as they were when younger, or at an earlier stage in life, or an earlier house, etc so the things around her now seem unfamiliar.
With my OH these episodes didn't last too long and were then forgotten. She'd look at me and say "you've shaved off your moustache" I had, but over 20 years ago!
There is no one answer as each person's dementia follows a similar but different path.
Write down all the incidents or episodes that cause you concern or worry. Then you'll need to speak with or write to the GP requesting either a referral to the memory clinic, or an appointment on the pretext to your partner's mother of a well woman clinic that the dr requires her to attend. You should accompany her. She will not remember what happens or what's said, and you will. A PWD can, with strangers, sometimes put on an act of being OK (its called hostess mode) but if you're there you can by a look or shake of the head indicate what answers are not correct. Some people with dementia still say they do lots of things they've actually stopped doing, but the dr wouldn't know unless he/she is told.
Best wishes

 

[Kevinl]

Sound advice from Chizz, the shake of the head sign does work, been there, done that and got the t-shirt as they say. K