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Mom still insists she can do everything for herself

Discussion in 'Welcome and how to use Dementia Talking Point' started by Cherbills, Feb 3, 2016.

  1. Cherbills

    Cherbills Registered User

    Feb 1, 2016
    My mom is 97 and had late state dementia and still insists she can do everything herself even though she really can't do anything for herself, she has fallen 3 times this week and is in denial. She keeps getting out of be and is falling luckily she has not been hurt, just a few bruises. I purchased a rail for the bed so she would't get out and now she is screaming that I am locking her in and she cant get out, I have tried to explain that the rail is for her safety but she can not understand because she still thinks she is perfectly allright. I don't want her to think I am locking her in, but I am so scared she is going to hurt herself and end up in the hospital. I have a baby monitor so I can hear her all the time when she is in bed, so that helps to hear anything that is going on but she is very stealthy. Just needed to share to see if anybody has any ideas. Thanks
  2. lin1

    lin1 Registered User

    Jan 14, 2010
    East Kent
    #2 lin1, Feb 3, 2016
    Last edited: Feb 3, 2016
    Hi. It's so difficult at times isn't it.
    I'm thinking if you are in the UK, it would be a good idea to get some equipment from either the occupational therapist that can come out to you a GP can refer you or the community (district) nurse if they are visiting. Their are many things you can borrow from the NHS
    Ie hospital beds that amongst other things can be lowered nearer to the floor and pads for the floor beside the bed to help prevent injury and pads for floor and or bed that alert you when a person is moving around.

    I like many others on here found that their may come a time when the a person with dementia (pwd) is unable to understand the risks , it must seem horrible to the person that we are taking their freedom away when in reality, all we are trying to do is help.

    I don't know if you know about compassionate communication with the memory impaired , apologies if you do.
    Their is an old thread on here about it, I must admit it is very hard to do and doesn't always work
  3. fizzie

    fizzie Registered User

    Jul 20, 2011
    This is a hard journey.
    I think you need to be very careful with rails - partly because she is obviously getting very distressed and partly because there have been many incidents of people either trying to climb over them (yes really) and injuring themselves or getting tangled up in the rails. They don't use them in most hospitals now because of the dangers. Some people say it is safer to have a 'crash mat' or another mattress on the floor by the bed to soften any falls. However that said I agree and would get the advice of an occupational therapist as soon as you can - they will not only give you advice but will also provide the equipment free and may have lots of other useful advice too. Many areas now have a falls team and you can ask your GP to be referred for advice with that too.
    An OT asap is your best bet :)
  4. nae sporran

    nae sporran Volunteer Host

    Oct 29, 2014
    I am with Fizzie on that one Cherbills. OH has fallen out of bed, but some people on TP and my GP advised not to use a bedrail for the reason you mentioned. OT got back to me very quickly for an assessment just by emailing Care Direct at the Council, so definitely worth calling them.

    If your mum is in denial that is hard, not sure what to do other than be a bit sneakily diplomatic in getting whatever help you can.

    Best wishes
  5. Cherbills

    Cherbills Registered User

    Feb 1, 2016
    Thank you for the advise, I will look into it, she was trying to get off the other side of the bed but was too weak to get there, so called for help, I am so confused and exhausted I can't even think any more
  6. fizzie

    fizzie Registered User

    Jul 20, 2011
    I think you need help hun xxx
    I'm gonna post the general 'good ideas' stuff because I don't know what you have accessed and what you haven't but you sound as though you could really do with some help
    If you have an Admiral Nurse in your area (you will need to google it) then lots of people have said how helpful they are. Admiral Nursing Direct on 0800 888 6678 FREE or email direct@dementiauk.org

    You can phone Social Services Adult Care Duty Desk and ask for an assessment if there have been no recommendations from the Unit - services like carers visiting to help with the daily routine/personal care or day care that should be an option - a day centre where they have lunch and activities. As well as our social services centre we also have Crossroads Day Centre where people can go for up to 3 days

    This leaflet on compassionate communication is very useful - I found it very hard to master but I stuck it on my fridge to remind me every day and it really does work

    Do have a look at it

    You can also ask for a carers assessment - this will give you a break and give you some 'free' hours of help possibly. it might seem early days to be thinking of a 'break' but a few hours here and there is a good idea from as early on as you can.

    If you are not already getting it do apply for Attendance Allowance - the forms are a bit tricky in that you have to imagine the worst possible day and write down the help that is needed (not the help that they get at the moment but what would be ideal for what they NEED). Attendance Allowance is not means tested and you should get it, if you need some help with the forms come back and ask Age UK are really good at helping with assessing what benefits you can claim and then they also help you fill in the forms - someone will come to your house. Age UK are also very good at practical advice and help - Age UK Advice line free national advice line that is open 365 days a year. To talk to someone, just call 0800 169 2081.

    I would strongly advise you to join your local carers organisation - they usually have a carers cafe (and so do Alzheimers society in some areas) and it is worth a morning off to go and find out what help there is in your area over a cup of coffee - lots of friendship and support face to face and everyone in the same boat.

    If there are issues with incontinence all areas have a continence service - you will need to look up your Trust or google your area plus Continence Service. The continence nurses we have had have been wonderful and pads are supplied free by the NHS.

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