1. Molly_22

    Molly_22 Registered User

    Nov 6, 2006
    2
    London
    Hi I'm also 25 and new to the site. It's just this huge relief to know that I'm not the only person whose father has AZ. I've felt really alone lately because none of my friends can relate and watching my dad detiorate and losing him day by day just hurts so much. He's had this condition for a while but recently got worst and I just can't stand the thought of losing him but feel like I already have. Then I feel really guilty because I know I should appreciate the person he is now but I just miss him and having a dad so much. I don't know whether other people also feel that it's hard to talk to your family as they rely on you to support them instead? I know it's only going to get worse and would really appreciate any coping mechanisms anyone else has because at the moment I just don't know what to do. Very best wishes to you all, take care xx
     
  2. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    3,453
    Hiya Molly,
    Welcome to TP. I have learnt that feeling as though you have already lost the person, and appreciating them as they are now, are not mutually exclusive - they can co- exist; so we find ourselves grieving at the same time as enjoying some new found element of the person that we love.
    Coping mechanisms? Talk on here; do not look back; do not look too far forward; decide 'this is still my dad, and I am going to love him as best I can, and make his life as good as it can be'; keep things normal for as long as you can, and then find a new 'normal'; don't be put off by other peoples stares and reactions - be proud of your dad - any strange behaviour is the illness, not him - we need to educate the general public to understand. Get whatever support is available. Pull together as a family - there is strength in numbers. - Well those are some of the ones hat I have adopted! Others will come up with some more.
    Love Helen
     
  3. Molly_22

    Molly_22 Registered User

    Nov 6, 2006
    2
    London
    Thanks very much for writing. The not looking back has been really helpful, I keep thinking about how my dad was and how he would hate to be the way he is now, or how he would be now if he wasn't ill. It's silly things that set me off like 'Willy Wonka' coming on TV, which I used to watch all the time when I was little with my dad, and I just couldn't even get through the opening credits without bursting into tears! Feel stupid and out of control with my emotions at the mo. Family is difficult as my mum relies on me to support her, particularly as my brother does not even admit my dad is ill (which must be so difficult as dad is very frail now both physically and in himself) and won't talk to anyone about it. So mum worries about him and looks after dad, and really doesn't need any more on her plate. I just want to look after them all and can't do it or make anything better. My fiancee is coming to have christmas with us and I'm just worried about how he'll cope too as although he knows, he's not really had any experience. Just worried about them all and worried that I'm always worrying!
     
  4. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    3,453
    Hiya Molly, Good to hear from you again. Don't worry about out of control emotions - it happens to us all. You will feel stronger in time - though there will still be occasions when you crumble - it is OK to cry.

    You cannot take away other peoples pain and hurt - it is theirs. You can be there alongside though, so they know that they are loved and not alone. Your fiancee will cope - he does not have a history with your dad, he will accept things as they are; let him support you.

    I think Christmas is such a difficult time for us all - we want to make it special, but it highlights all that has changed. Keep it simple. What matters is that you are together, and that you enjoy one another - the food, the presents - they are all secondary.

    Take care.
    Love Helen
     
  5. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,596
    Kent
    Hi Molly, I`m sorry you`re having such a difficult time. You are very young to have all this worry.

    I really don`t think anyone can understand just how devastating AZ can be unless they are living with it. Don`t blame your friends, unfortunately we all have friends, young and old, who don`t want to get involved.

    I`ve shed more tears this last couple of years than I have in my life, and I haven`t finished yet. Everyone is frightened of cancer, but there are conditions just as bad and AZ is top of my list. It`s cruel to the sufferer and just as cruel to those who have to watch.

    Off load here. There are so many going through the same emotions. We can`t make it better but we do understand.

    Take care. Sylvia
     
  6. alex

    alex Registered User

    Apr 10, 2006
    1,665
    Hi Molly

    Welcome to tp..........i'm sure you'll find lots of help and support from people who know how you feel........even if we can't always answer your questions.

    The only advice i can offer is to take things one day at a time, give yourself time to adjust to your situation..............no one likes change...........its scarey........and there will be lots of changes going on in your life at the moment.

    Don't worry about feelings and emotions.........we all have them and there are times when we have no control over them.

    There will still be special moments with your dad.........enjoy them..........look forward to Christmas.......you've still got a special dad, so enjoy the time you have together.

    Love Alex x
     

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