Missing the old mum

[white23]

Hi, I'm new and not sure what to say! But my mum has dementia, and I miss my old feisty mum. I adore the new version of mum, but she is more withdrawn and harder to talk to. How do other members deal with the sadness dementia causes.

 

[Grannie G]

Welcome @white23

How do other members deal with the sadness dementia causes.

Most don`t. The sadness causes continual heartache. It`s an adjustment we are never prepared for, have no training for and are expected to get on with it as well as we can.

It`s a tragedy.

I think this is why this Dementia Support Forum is so valuable. Everyone who reads your post will understand. I hope it will help you through.

 

[white23]

This Christmas has been hard, especially for my dad. Mum only feels safe when at home and is finding it more difficult to be around people even family which in turn is making dad feel more isolated. We try to give dad a break but he is adamant he is doing the caring.

 

[Grannie G]

There will come a time when your dad might admit he needs help @white23 Be patient and watchful and ready when you think he may be ready.

 

[white23]

Dad is in his eighties and the strain is really starting to pull him down. We tried to get him social care help, but when they came to see how they could help he turned them away saying he could manage.

 

[Daisyjm]

@white23 I’m sorry to hear about your mum, it really is so very hard. Some days are better than others, I’ve started crying at random moments, being in the supermarket, whilst driving etc, as the grief suddenly comes over me at how I miss the old dad. There are some funny moments, which we will all have a laugh about including my dad. However, I am scared at what what lies ahead, but try to not think too much about it.

Like your mum, my dad was very feisty, and is now also finding it difficult to go out and struggles to be around family, he’s getting his words muddled up a lot, which upsets him.

Sending you lots of hugs, you aren’t alone on here. Everyone has been so nice.

 

[Daisyjm]

@white23 also letting your dad know that you are there for when he needs you. You sound like you are very caring for both of your parents xx

 

[white23]

Mum too gets things muddled up, and thinks she has upset people when she hasn't. This in turn upsets her that she can't remember when or where things have happened.

 

[white23]

We too have days when we get a glimpse of the old days with mum and dad laughing together but they get rarer as time goes on.

 

[white23]

Just left mum and dad's after afternoon tea to celebrate mother's day. Came away feeling so down. Mum showed no interest in the family, dad who is more depressed making small sarcastic comments. Not so happy mothers day.

 

[canary]

Im so sorry @white23
Its so called special occasions like this that really bring home the decline
xxx

 

[white23]

Dad is being referred to the dementia society to get support in looking after mum. What can he expect in the form of help.