• We're currently experiencing technical issues with our newsletter software, so our Dementia Talking Point monthly updates have been put on hold for now. We hope to restart the newsletter soon.

    Find out more >here<.

Mental health


New member
Aug 6, 2020
I work in a home and there is one particular man who is very racist infact we have been complaining to the management how this issue is draining us mentally. Everybody in the house have had enough. This man can insult you and extend it to your family aswel. Recently he made a comment to a college who is pregnant that he wish the lady will crush with her baby and die on her way home. Management do not want to do anything about it and is disturbing all the stuffs. we are there to serve them not to be abuse in this manner. we feel like he knows what he is doing. He sometimes pass a comment like if you don't care I will make you loose this job. we don't no what to do again
Last edited by a moderator:


Registered User
Jul 23, 2017
N Ireland
Hello @Angel24 and welcome to the forum.

That situation must be very difficult for you and your fellow staff members.

If this man has dementia it is possible that he is acting out of character when he behaves that way. It is also unlikely that he is aware of what he is doing if he has severe enough dementia to be in residential care; even though it may seem like he is aware.

I see that you have raised the matter with management. I wonder if they reviewed the man's medication and checked for an infection, such as a UTI, as side effects of meds or an infection may be causing this. It may be worth checking this.

I wish you all the best with this difficult situation.


Registered User
Mar 25, 2016
Hello @Angel24 welcome from me too. I'm afraid that making inappropriate remarks/comments can be quite common with dementia as the condition can cause people to lose their inhibitions. As mentioned above, it's unlikely the resident is aware of what he is saying or how this is making you and your colleagues feel. Have you all received some training in dealing with residents who have dementia? If not, perhaps you could suggest to the managers that this would help you to understand the condition more and reduce the problems you are having. As difficult as it may be, try to remain calm and not take the comments personally. This fact sheet contains tips for carers when dealing with this type of behaviour so might be helpful to you: https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/about-dementia/symptoms-and-diagnosis/symptons/losing-inhibitions


Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
i agree he probably doesnt know what hes saying or the effect that that its having on the staff. challenging behaviour is part of dementia and i wouldnt take it literally although its horrible to hear. has he got certain start point where he is more likely to say these things and a way of calming him down like drying up cups or a job that makes him feel better, a distraction that will reduce his effect. maybe there is something in his care folder or history which might explain it or why he has been admitted in the first place. training would be good in general and may give some different ideas to how you can deal with it or some where you can offload and leave the feelings at the door on the way out.


Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
South coast
Hello @Angel24
You havent said explicitely that this man has dementia, but Im assuming that he has. Is it an assessment unit? Unfortunately he is probably there because of challenging behaviour. Most people think that dementia just makes you forgetful, but unfortunately it is much, much more than that. It affects the way that you think and can completely change your personality. Often their view of reality is not the same as actual reality.

Unfortunately, people with dementia are unable to help it - it is not like a mental health problem, it is a neurological one and due to actual damage within the brain. It cannot be fixed and no amount of reasoning will change it. Drugs can help calm them down, but dont stop the underlying problem. Ultimately, you have to just let it flow off you - hard though that is. My mum said some terrible things to me - not racist, but terribly hurtful - and now my OH is displaying inappropriate sexual behaviour. In both of these people such behaviour is/was entirely out of their original character - dementia has changed them. The world of people with dementia becomes smaller and smaller and they become entirely unable to see anything from anyone elses viewpoint. Someone on here said that they thought that we carers become in the mind of people with dementia, little more than "things" with no feeling of our own which they need to consider, which that person feels they can use to get what they want. Im not sure Id entirely go along with that, but the lack of awareness that other people have needs and feelings that they aught to consider is true. When I catch OH behaving sexually inappropriately, he just thinks that it is funny and laughs at the way I am upset.

When dealing with people with dementia, you might find this thread helpful


Registered User
Oct 21, 2019
The correct way forward is to ensure the notes you make and the documentation are perfect.
He is not going to change.
Mental health patients are experts at baiting staff and will use any ‘hook’ they can.
Funny enough the most memorable behaviour I ever saw was not using the old favourites of race, colour, gay or fat
A white bank staff came onto the shift, and he examined her then screamed ‘my god you are so ugly’!
I think it was the heartbreak on her face that left such an impression.
you need you communicate to your team you will have to use the incident reporting system.
Until you start doing that you will get nowhere.
Bare in mind that with mental health there is always a job worse than yours. My non covid job involves getting hit, sometimes from behind with no triggers other than the extent of the mental health.
In choosing between verbal abuse or having your head crashed into a door my personal choice is Please call me a *****!
Don't forget if any of you belong to a union they can provide help and support.
I hope my reply has been sympathetic enough, I am sorry you are feeling this way and wish you well.
Last edited by a moderator:


Registered User
Oct 21, 2019
Also your pregnant colleague should not be working unless a risk assessment has been done for her.


Registered User
Jan 23, 2019
High Peak
People with dementia unfortunately lose their social inhibitions quite often and as a result say all sort of hurtful and offensive things they would never have said pre-dementia. My mother would tell people to their face what she thought of them, leaving me apologising profusely. I found it really difficult to deal with and was horrified she could behave like that. Once she even told a young mum how ugly her baby was!

I think you need further discussions with the home manager about the way forward.
Last edited by a moderator:


Registered User
May 21, 2018
I am sorry that you re having to deal with this @Angel24 . You do a very difficult job and your patience is, I am sure, continually tested but dementia changes people and they say things they would never have said before, they can lash out when they are frightened or confused. They don't have a "filter" any more. Race, size, sex, height, looks, disabilities, speech, accent - none of it's personal.

Perhaps this resident could be made less aggressive and offensive with a change of medication. I imagine he is frightened, angry, confused and miserable and lashing out because of that.

Staff online

Forum statistics

Latest member