1. Del24

    Del24 Registered User

    Aug 17, 2014
    67
    Hertfordshire
    I always look on this site for help and advice to look after my wife.
    Most times I find answers to my problems but just recently all I can find is threads about man problems such as posts about male body parts, male bodily functions and male sexual activities.
    Why are their no equivalent post about females.
    Because it would not be allowed to be posted by the adjudicator.
    Is this sexism?
     
  2. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,658
    Kent
    #2 Grannie G, Nov 18, 2015
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 19, 2015
    I think it might be because no one has asked , but also because the majority of carers who come to this site are women.
     
  3. lin1

    lin1 Registered User

    Jan 14, 2010
    9,322
    Female
    East Kent
    IMO we can discuss anything on here. Tbh I've always found it easier to ask rather than trawl through lots of posts.
    Yes sometimes it can be embarrassing to ask certain questions, but whatever it is and can think of several things it might be, it is obviously causing you problems/ worries so please bite the bullet and ask.
     
  4. Beate

    Beate Registered User

    May 21, 2014
    11,481
    Female
    London
    Why don't you just ask your question instead of accusing the board of censorship and sexism without any proof? If you don't want to ask your question, maybe it's the same for other men who are too embarrassed to ask!
     
  5. sleepless

    sleepless Registered User

    Feb 19, 2010
    3,232
    Female
    The Sweet North
    There are frequent posts from members concerned about mothers or mothers-in-law and other female relatives.

    Eating, drinking and continence problems are well covered -- maybe you have been looking in just 'I have a partner with dementia' , in which case I would suggest you also look at the other sub-forums, like 'I care for someone with dementia.'

    Best wishes.
     
  6. Casbow

    Casbow Registered User

    Sep 3, 2013
    979
    Colchester
    Del24

    Hello there Del. There are postings about ladies, but two things ! One I believe most carers are ladies looking after men. And also, by the very nature of men, they usually are more interested in their 'bits' and bodily functions. Also more used to be looked after by mum, regardless of age, until they get a wife. Therefore they say and do more, probably than women,even though they have dementia. My Mum died in February and never showed or said anything 'inappropriate'. But her swearing was terrible!!! I also worked in a care home and can vouch that men were often (not all men) a bit rude. Not the women. Maybe if there is a male carehome worker out there they could tell us of their experiences in this way with men and women patients . Thinking back to what problems I have read about, there have been many about ladies as well as men. Hope this helps.
     
  7. Trisha4

    Trisha4 Registered User

    Jan 16, 2014
    2,442
    Yorkshire
    Moving away from any thoughts of sexism, censorship or anything, I think the best idea is just to ask your question Del and if any of us can help I'm sure we will


    Sent from my iPad using Talking Point
     
  8. garnuft

    garnuft Registered User

    Sep 7, 2012
    6,589
    Why should the conversation be moved away from sexism?
    It's pertinent to the OP.



    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
     
  9. Trisha4

    Trisha4 Registered User

    Jan 16, 2014
    2,442
    Yorkshire
    OP.?


    Sent from my iPad using Talking Point
     
  10. garnuft

    garnuft Registered User

    Sep 7, 2012
    6,589
    Original Poster. The person who started the thread.


    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
     
  11. malomm

    malomm Registered User

    I think at times very intimate female problems can be a bit daunting to we male/husband carers. At first I had hoped to be able to rely on female family (daughter in law & sister in law) for some help. When I began to realise that none would be forthcoming, bit the bullet and can now blithely go around buying bras and knickers; helping get them on and off when necessary, and even deal with a bit of occasional
    minor incontinence. If/when real incontinence kicks in, will have to think again.
    keep smiling,
    malomm
     
  12. Trisha4

    Trisha4 Registered User

    Jan 16, 2014
    2,442
    Yorkshire
    Good on you Malomm x


    Sent from my iPad using Talking Point
     
  13. bemused1

    bemused1 Registered User

    Mar 4, 2012
    3,403
    You will manage malomm the same as we all do. It's not a gender thing, its hard for us all to deal with these changes and tasks we never thought would be necessary for us to perform.
     
  14. Del24

    Del24 Registered User

    Aug 17, 2014
    67
    Hertfordshire
    Just for the record in the Uk two thirds of people with dementia are women.
    I found the information on this website.
    So men outnumber women as carers.
     
  15. Beate

    Beate Registered User

    May 21, 2014
    11,481
    Female
    London
    #15 Beate, Nov 18, 2015
    Last edited: Nov 18, 2015
    Err, no, because a lot of women are looked after by their daughters or other people of the female persuasion.
     
  16. Spamar

    Spamar Registered User

    Oct 5, 2013
    6,839
    Suffolk
    And lots of women might be widows... Who looks after them?
     
  17. Casbow

    Casbow Registered User

    Sep 3, 2013
    979
    Colchester
    Malomm

    Well done there! xxx
     
  18. Trisha4

    Trisha4 Registered User

    Jan 16, 2014
    2,442
    Yorkshire
    I wonder how many of those are looked after by men. I suspect the minority


    Sent from my iPad using Talking Point
     
  19. garnuft

    garnuft Registered User

    Sep 7, 2012
    6,589
    Insulting men who care and love is not the way to equality.


    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
     
  20. Suzanna1969

    Suzanna1969 Registered User

    Mar 28, 2015
    346
    Essex
    Good for you Malomm for stepping up to the plate. I'm sorry you didn't get the help you hoped for.

    Del I look after my Mum who has Dementia and my Dad who has Parkinsonism. I don't live with them so chances are my Dad may be faced with the 'problems' of which you speak (but don't specify) when I am not there. I hope he will confide in me if and when it happens so that I can help. So far he's not had to deal with incontinence as I've been there on the rare occasions it's occurred and he's managed to cope with doing up bras when required!

    If you are talking about more intimate problems as have been discussed by some of the ladies on the forum recently I am sure that, if you give as much information as you feel comfortable with, you will get advice from members which could help. But, as they say, if you don't ask you don't get!

    There may be a few more female contributors here than male but I have never felt there is an iota of sexism, although personally I have noticed that, when discussing problems of a sexual nature, the majority of replies don't seem to acknowledge the sexual desires of the person involved as being a serious issue, but as something to be dismissed with speed and efficiency.

    That's an honest observation and not meant to be a criticism.
     

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