Memory Clinic Visit With Mum Today

Discussion in 'Welcome and how to use Dementia Talking Point' started by Muir, Oct 10, 2018.

  1. Muir

    Muir New member

    Oct 10, 2018
    Hi all, I can't tell you how thankful I am to have found this page. Let me give you a quick rundown as to why I am here.

    Well today has just been a doozy. After a huge amount of work to convince mum to go to her appointment at the memory clinic we eventually got her there. I went in with her and omg, was she economical with the truth.

    She accepts that she may be a bit forgetful but still sat there and said that she does the cooking and the cleaning which my dad has been doing for over a year. It seems my mother wears a very rosy tinted pair of spectacles.

    By the end of the session she knew that there had been things she had been unable to do and when the clinician said that she could be put forward for a brain scan to get a diagnosis she refused. Seemingly there is nothing wrong with her apart from a bit of a slow memory and the incidents I mentioned are not correct, she is more than capable of doing the things I advised the clinician she had difficulties with.

    Cue me shutting up as I had to drive her home and didn't want to leave dad with her in a bad mood when I went back to work.

    For anyone else going through this - my mother is 74 years old and has been having difficulties for the past year although we noticed small things probably about two years ago. My mum has admitted to forgetting words in conversation but adamantly stated that everything else was fine.

    The things we have noticed -

    Calling people an hour after she has already called them.

    Forgetting that she has spoken to people on the phone

    Forgetting when she had visitors

    Unable to prepare anything but the simplest food as she can walk away and forget about the cooker - one pan has already met a firey grave.

    Passwords on the computer

    How to use the internet

    No interest in social events although moans that she doesn't get out.

    I shall be seeing them both again tomorrow lunchtime. Fingers crossed she is not going to try to convince me there is nothing wrong with her.
  2. Sarasa

    Sarasa Registered User

    Apr 13, 2018
    Hi Muir, you have my sympathy as my mother too refuses to believe there is anything wrong and wouldn't talk to the nurse at the memory clinic after we got her there.. Does your dad think your mum is OK or does he too think things are awry? I had been worried about mum for a year or two before my brother, friends and neighbours started to notice things.
    My only advice is to either keep plugging away or step back and wait for a crisis. The latter is far from ideal but sometimes seems to be the only way.
  3. Muir

    Muir New member

    Oct 10, 2018
    Hey Sarasa

    Dad knows that things are iffy, he couldn't miss it as he has had to take over so much recently and has been the target of much of her ire.

    I am hoping that things will still progress pretty slowly to give me half a chance to get my head round the options.
  4. karaokePete

    karaokePete Volunteer Host

    Jul 23, 2017
    N Ireland
    Hello @Muir, you are welcome here and I hope you find the forum to be a friendly and supportive place.

    Do take a good look around the site as it is a goldmine for information. When I first joined I read old threads for information but then found the AS Publications list and the page where a post code search can be done to check for support services in ones own area. If you are interested in these, clicking the following links will take you there

    You will see that there are Factsheets that will help with things like getting care needs assessments, deciding the level of care required and sorting out useful things like Wills, Power of Attorney etc.
  5. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    My husband cancelled appointments and I had to leave it to him to agree to a scan. He had always hated hospitals and was very frightened.

    I had to choose my moment, when he became really confused, to say he will get no help unless he sees a specialist.
  6. Kevinl

    Kevinl Registered User

    Aug 24, 2013
    My wife had two scans an MRI and a SPECT scan and at a stage far worse than your mum neither scan showed anything so scans don't show up everything sometime they do sometimes they don't the consultant told me.
    If she had agreed to the scan and it showed early signs of something then, there might depending on what it was get her medication which can slow the progress down.
    Let's say she did get a diagnosis how would that actually change anything? You and your dad know what the situation is and that's the reality that you have to deal with a formal diagnosis doesn't change the reality of how you'll have to adapt to the situation.
    From what you describe you might be able to get a diagnosis of a mild or even moderate mental impairment but things like Attendance Allowance aren't given based on a diagnosis and things like a council tax disregard are only give for a severe mental impairment.
    Getting a diagnosis of mixed, atypical AZ which is a mixture of AZ and vascular dementia and the consultant describing my wife as having a severe mental impairment did get us some benefits but no actual help of any sort in a physical sense.

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