Memory and mobility

[sheepfield]

In addition to everything else going on, my family member has mobility issues. Their heart condition I presume makes them feel tired and the loss of vision must affect confidence in going out, crossing the road etc. So they spend more time shuffling around at home and seem to be losing muscle tone as well as mental stimulation from going out, which I guess would have an impact on memory loss.
A neighbour has given them a walker with wheels, brakes and a seat but I'm not sure that they can work out how to use it. And of course they can't see it very well to be able to figure out how it works nor can they hear suggestions for how to use it as they are also now deaf.
We could suggest things like resistance bands etc but as is common in dementia, my family member wants to be in control and doesn't take suggestions very kindly, for example not to store the walker in their entrance lobby, blocking the way out, which is where they want to keep it. I don't even think that they have the strength in their hands to apply the brakes as they keep dropping things.
My family member used to go weekly to chairobics but I'm not sure how often they go now, they won't tell me. It was part of their routine to go on the access bus but I'm not sure that they can manage it and they might not accept a lift from me. It's a delicate conversation to have with someone who can't hear, can't see and can get quite cross and upset, I guess because of dementia.
I'm wondering if anyone has any suggestions for maintaining mobility and strength?

 

[Harper1207]

Hello. I know how all seems to come together at once. Not sure if this is something that could help but we my mama stared having mobility issues; physical therapy helped. The therapist came and showed how to do the exercises and the number of repetitions. Sometimes playing music she liked helped too to get movements started. Remember to try to take it a day a time. Take care of yourself as well.

 

[sheepfield]

That's an excellent idea. I think that exercises from a professional could be more acceptable than me suggesting things, which might be perceived as interfering or being nosey.
I'm hoping that my family member will eventually accept carers so they might like physio too. They enjoy chairobics.
I go to a local carers group for support and it's so easy to get caught up in future thinking and not looking after myself so it's good to be reminded and reassured.
It all seemed to get much more intense when my family member lost their hearing. Everything seems to affect everything else as you have experience of too.

 

[sheepfield]

More ramblings from me! I've noticed that my mother in law has been wearing the same trousers for the last couple of weeks. I'm concerned that she might not be physically able to take off her trousers and underwear, might not be able to wash herself and might not feel able to tell me and my husband, her son.
Any tips for having this delicate conversation would be very welcome. She has complained of a pain in her leg, hopefully bruising after her most recent fall rather than a skin rash or something from not washing.
We're due at the GP for blood tests this week so maybe I can mention it to them. The nurse might be able to persuade her to have a physical examination with trousers off.

 

[GillP]

More ramblings from me! I've noticed that my mother in law has been wearing the same trousers for the last couple of weeks. I'm concerned that she might not be physically able to take off her trousers and underwear, might not be able to wash herself and might not feel able to tell me and my husband, her son.
Any tips for having this delicate conversation would be very welcome. She has complained of a pain in her leg, hopefully bruising after her most recent fall rather than a skin rash or something from not washing.
We're due at the GP for blood tests this week so maybe I can mention it to them. The nurse might be able to persuade her to have a physical examination with trousers off.

You could ask if you could see the leg in case it’s bruised or worse but if you are not comfortable with this then I think it’s a good idea to let the nurse know prior to the appointment of your concerns. She could then ask to see the leg. It just means that it comes from nurse not you and mil may accept this.

She may have forgotten how to dress/ undress in which case she does need help.

 

[sheepfield]

It's strange how things just get forgotten. My mother in law tried to cook dry Cup a Soup powder in the microwave the other day, I guess that she's forgotten even that simple thing. Yet she seems so with it in other ways.
I feel comfortable seeing people's legs, I used to work as a home help and have seen all kinds of nakedness! I wonder if my mother in law feels ashamed or embarrassed or doesn't want to worry us. Or just doesn't realise how long it's been since she had a wash. I have some trouble with gauging the passage of time as I have ADHD, I should start writing this kind of stuff down but it's hard to remember to do that too!

 

[canary]

I wonder if my mother in law feels ashamed or embarrassed or doesn't want to worry us. Or just doesn't realise how long it's been since she had a wash.

I would guess that she simply doesnt realise how long its been.
People with dementia reach a stage when they think they are still doing everything that they used to and dont realise that they arent/cant do it anymore.
My mum swore blind that she was doing all her own shopping, cooking, laundry, housework and was very offended and upset if you suggested that she wasnt washing or changing her clothes, because she knew she was doing all of these things. In reality, one look at her and her home told you that she was doing none of them.

 

[sheepfield]

Ah yes, my mother in law was telling us the other day that she washes at the kitchen sink, then it was the bathroom sink but in reality it could be neither. I was struck by the possibility that she is wearing her trousers to bed at night, unable physically or mentally or both to take them off.
As you say, her reality could be that she is washing herself and changing her clothes as she has always done. Yet she was at church coffee morning today, brought by a friend.
A repeated phrase of my mother in law's is that she's doing daft things. It's all a perplexing mystery! I hope that we get some answers soon from the memory clinic.

 

[StressedDaughter]

My Mum suffered from several fungal infections due to inadequate sink washing - in reality drying too. It got very smelly so I knew there was an issue. My Mum was always a very private person but now isn’t overly bothered - about the only positive from the dementia. So she let me wash her but changing clothes was a battle - she didn’t need to change trousers more than once a week because “she didn’t do much”. That made treating infections very difficult. I used to swap them over when she wasn’t looking!

 

[sheepfield]

My mother in law is also a private person. I had an operation in a delicate place about 15 years ago and had half a dozen medical students gawping at me whilst doctor was doing his preop rounds and wound care nurses for months afterwards so I can appreciate that it's strange.
At the moment my mother in law hasn't consented to someone helping her to wash but might be able to physically do things if prompted. She was having trouble today drying her hands after going to the toilet.
I don't think that she's done any laundry since her fall a month ago. It's like being a detective working out what's going on.

 

[sheepfield]

Thank you everyone for replying. I've been busy with all sorts including buying some new tights and underwear.
Social care have finally been able to start and have encouraged clothes changing and washing, which my mother in law seems relieved about. They found bags of dirty clothes everywhere. It's hard for me to poke around as she has a studio flat and wants her privacy etc. In her mind she's still washing and changing clothes as she always did I guess and doesn't see why I should interfere or be concerned. But she is compliant with professionals.
My mother in law has chosen to employ a befriender who will do laundry so that's good. The laundry basket is currently empty. So it could be a job for me or the befriender to hunt for the dirty clothes as they must be building up somewhere.
Dementia is so curious and baffling.

 

[Jolou1980]

Hello I’m new here, I’m concerned about my uncle, he is 76 years old, im not sure what’s happening to him but he seems to think his old next door neighbour is talking to him through the television he shouts out her name, then starts whispering to himself as shes doing the talking but it’s actually him if that makes sense. Thank you

 

[Angel55]

Hello I’m new here, I’m concerned about my uncle, he is 76 years old, im not sure what’s happening to him but he seems to think his old next door neighbour is talking to him through the television he shouts out her name, then starts whispering to himself as shes doing the talking but it’s actually him if that makes sense. Thank you

💗 Hello and welcome here

If your Uncle hasn't been checked by the GP recently my first thought would be trying to encourage him to go. They can rule out other things as well like infections for example.

If he is reluctant sometimes it works best if you it is a well person check or if they have another medical condition that needs checking on.

I think you are right to be concerned about him x