18 months ago I posted on here that my husband And I were moving in with my parents to care for them. MUm has Lewy body,dad has had 2 strokes and at that point was waiting to have a hip,replaced which they wouldn't do till a year after his last stroke.
It has been tough, mum is hard to cope with, she has no idea that I am her daughter on most days I am about 4 different people when she tells me that young lady has just ...
Any way the problem is that after 18 months my husband says he can't cope anymore. He does not want to be here, he hates his life, feels like he is living in an old peoples home.
This afternoon I told him to fuff off. I can't make him happy, I am not happy and that is what he also,uses to justify his feelings by saying I hate my life too. And maybe I do but I am an only child, I don't know what to do. We are both 61 this year, I resent not being able to do what I/we want to when we want to. I am so scared that by the time mum and dad either go into a home or die that I/we won't be able to enjoy our lives. Now dad has had his hip he is doing well physically but his mind is starting to wander and he doesn't retain information anymore. Mum can be the ***** from hell to me and dad. Where she got this temper from I have no idea - well I know it's the dementia.
I am not feeling sorry for myself, I just can't take anymore pressure from anyone else. I need his support. I know it's tough for him and he was great to agree to doing it in the first place but I don't know what to do. His idea is to put mum in a home, dad in sheltered accommodation and we get our life back. If only it was that easy!
I have never felt so much guilt in all my life. Guilty for being a bad wife, guilty for being a bad daughter, I also have a son and a 4 year old grandson who is my saving grace and I am still working.
I do not want to wish my parents dead tho in reality my mum is already dead and I can't grieve for her as I am so busy looking after this other old lady. I am sick of reading all these lovely poems about remember me and who I am. I wish I could remember mum as she was. I am starting to resent them both. Looking back if I knew then what I know I would never have done it but what was the alternative? Me continuing to rush between their house and ours worrying, sleeping with the phone by my bed. At least now I know I know where they are and that they are ok.
Some people seem to be able to detach themselves from all of this, I know people who seem to not care, people who live abroad and visit once a year.
I seem to be turning into someone I don't like very much.
This is a real jumble of thoughts - I won't apologise as I know I am not the only one out there feeling ****ed off, guilty and all other sorts of emotions.
Hugs to all in our situation x
It has been tough, mum is hard to cope with, she has no idea that I am her daughter on most days I am about 4 different people when she tells me that young lady has just ...
Any way the problem is that after 18 months my husband says he can't cope anymore. He does not want to be here, he hates his life, feels like he is living in an old peoples home.
This afternoon I told him to fuff off. I can't make him happy, I am not happy and that is what he also,uses to justify his feelings by saying I hate my life too. And maybe I do but I am an only child, I don't know what to do. We are both 61 this year, I resent not being able to do what I/we want to when we want to. I am so scared that by the time mum and dad either go into a home or die that I/we won't be able to enjoy our lives. Now dad has had his hip he is doing well physically but his mind is starting to wander and he doesn't retain information anymore. Mum can be the ***** from hell to me and dad. Where she got this temper from I have no idea - well I know it's the dementia.
I am not feeling sorry for myself, I just can't take anymore pressure from anyone else. I need his support. I know it's tough for him and he was great to agree to doing it in the first place but I don't know what to do. His idea is to put mum in a home, dad in sheltered accommodation and we get our life back. If only it was that easy!
I have never felt so much guilt in all my life. Guilty for being a bad wife, guilty for being a bad daughter, I also have a son and a 4 year old grandson who is my saving grace and I am still working.
I do not want to wish my parents dead tho in reality my mum is already dead and I can't grieve for her as I am so busy looking after this other old lady. I am sick of reading all these lovely poems about remember me and who I am. I wish I could remember mum as she was. I am starting to resent them both. Looking back if I knew then what I know I would never have done it but what was the alternative? Me continuing to rush between their house and ours worrying, sleeping with the phone by my bed. At least now I know I know where they are and that they are ok.
Some people seem to be able to detach themselves from all of this, I know people who seem to not care, people who live abroad and visit once a year.
I seem to be turning into someone I don't like very much.
This is a real jumble of thoughts - I won't apologise as I know I am not the only one out there feeling ****ed off, guilty and all other sorts of emotions.
Hugs to all in our situation x