I agree @jay6 , we did warn a family visitor about a few just in case and we feel able to speak to the senior nurse about others. If someone is at home this is more of a worry. I realise now MiL said some things that initially could have been plausible, but she only ever said them to me it seems. Her being diagnosed and also being in hospital has led to me getting to know her neighbours a little and also a new much closer relationship with a couple of family, we all compare notes. Talking to friends who have been through this, there are common themes and websites such as this will confirm them. Things being stolen being one common theme. I do recall DH's grandfather told neighbours his grandchildren had stolen all his money and they believed him which was a worry, more so because one was a serving Police Officer! I think now my aunt said something to a second cousin that was likely not true but it hasn't done any lasting damage.🤞. It is hard if you are made out to be a villain, I was told I was a an awful daughter in law.... which considering I was the only person who ever spent more than 10 minutes in her company in any one week was upsetting. She accused me of lying and the audiologist and the NHS, and that was before her diagnosis so I was a bit taken aback at how aggressive she got about the lie (that wasn't a lie). I think it depends also on the family - MiL family is a bit disjointed and there have been some 'scandals' so at times it has hard to decipher the fact from the fiction and there are unanswered questions as a result that I don't feel able to ask.
Making up stories
- Thread starter UncleZen
- Start date
I found out my OH had been speaking to new neighbours about me when ever I popped out. Don't know what exactly was said but they refuse to talk to me and have started how terrible I treat my OH. I tried explaining he has early dementia, which I thought may help them understand, especially as the women is supposed to be a trainee nurse but no luck. They I'm a terrible person who is always 'picking' on him. They really believe he has a hard life and some sort of victim.
Luckily the other neighbours have known us for 15 years.
I think this is one aspect of dementia outsiders can't get their head around. The person with d tells them something and they fall for it hook, line and sinker. There's a real lack of knowledge amongst the general public of so many aspects of this.
Like you say, luckily the other neighbours have known you for years. Let the new ones believe what they want - you know the truth.
On yesterday's walk, my mum said to me "I'm 150, you know (obviously wrong), I was born in 1941" (still wrong).
It's not for nothing a PWd wouldn't be allowed to give evidence in court!
Always difficult when friends/neighbours take what the PWD says at face value.
My mum started telling her neighbours that I was stealing from her, shouting at her and hitting her and I got lots of odd looks from them.
Fast forward a few months and mum had written horrible letters to them, accusing them of awful things and putting them through their letter box, she had got into arguments with her next door neighbours about the bins and the woman across the road contacted the police because she said that mum was harassing her.
By this stage no-one believed that she was the victim!
Eventually there will be something that will make your new neighbours re-assess the situation, @jay6
My mum started telling her neighbours that I was stealing from her, shouting at her and hitting her and I got lots of odd looks from them.
Fast forward a few months and mum had written horrible letters to them, accusing them of awful things and putting them through their letter box, she had got into arguments with her next door neighbours about the bins and the woman across the road contacted the police because she said that mum was harassing her.
By this stage no-one believed that she was the victim!
Eventually there will be something that will make your new neighbours re-assess the situation, @jay6
@Neveradullday! Yes at least others knew it's all lies.
@canary I don't really care anymore, It's up to them what they think. Like so many PWD he is so good putting on an act, guess time will tell. I'm learning to take one day at a time now.
@canary I don't really care anymore, It's up to them what they think. Like so many PWD he is so good putting on an act, guess time will tell. I'm learning to take one day at a time now.
I remember several years ago sweet lady coming up to me at a parking meter, she said 'I have dementia and I don't even know what day it is, can you help me buy a ticket?' I know now that even being able to communicate that is hard, rare and brave, I admired her for saying so and asking for help. I think the phrase people have used for years is 'my memory is not what it used to be' and maybe that is normal aging but sometimes it clearly isn't. My aunt who was in a care home for the last 3 years of her life had dementia along with lifelong bipolar, but my mother would never admit she had either. She told me 'apparently she has 'Sarcosis'*or something'. * her pronunciation of Psychosis - which she refused to try and understand and didn't seem to realise was part of her dementia and/or bipolar!
I think there needs to be a lot more information on dementia. Even I hadn't realised there was so much to understand before my husband became ill.
I saw on the news yesterday that every 3-4 minutes someone is diagnosed with the disease with is quite frightening.
I saw on the news yesterday that every 3-4 minutes someone is diagnosed with the disease with is quite frightening.
I just don’t worry about it, if we’re in company, I just shake my head behind him and then say something like “ oh you remember when such and such happened?” And then move to correct the story by joining in the telling of it. It helps him out and he doesn’t get confused and frustrated in trying to remember things. It doesn’t really matter does it, just keep him happy, at least he’s still trying to communicate.
Oh absolutely! It’s really difficult to explain to people how many unpleasant even dangerous aspects there are to dementia.
I came home from work (few months ago) to hear my Mum on the phone to her granddaughter (my niece) saying "I don't help her with anything, she has to do all the work around the house, I go out all day, I cut up her photos" (all untrue) I was so upset, I asked Mum "Why did you say those lies about me?" Mum replied " Oh I didn't know you were listening"...
And (forgot to add) that I'd stolen all her gold and replaced her jewellery with costume jewellery!!!!
Exactly the same here. Really opens your eyes when you are actually faced with dealing with it
You aren't alone Belinda, seems the norm for PWD as I'm beginning to realise myself.
This was one of the first signs for my Mum. She started repeating anecdotes of things that had happened to friends and family, as though they’d happened to her. She still believes she once met Lawrence of Arabia, who died decades before she was born. It was actually her mother who met him, but it was a famous family ‘claim to fame’ which just stuck in Mum’s mind.
I told my Social Worker's supervisor that the reason I had tried to take my own life after my husband's bad tail-spin was that I wanted him to save me as he would have done previously and I suddenly realised that he couldn't. Her response was 'well, you obviously don't understand dementia'. I wanted to scream at her that - No, who does when they are first confronted with it?
Wow that was harsh of your social worker! How are we meant to make sense of a relationship completely turned upside down? How can any of us know what to expect next? Sending love xx
I don't think a lot of social workers have a clue when it comes to dementia, having said that don't think that many GP's do either. Pity there isn't more information made public. Definitely needs a lot more understanding. It's not until you are personally faced with it that you can begin to understand.
