1. Our next Q&A session is on the topic of Christmas and dementia.This time we want our Q&A to involve our resident experts, you! Share tips and advice on navigating Christmas here in this thread.

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Made through the holiday period.......

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by keegan2, Jan 1, 2016.

  1. keegan2

    keegan2 Registered User

    Jan 11, 2015
    190
    Well its been an eventful holiday time. Christmas being great then the complete crash down afterwards...which took about 3 days to get under control. Leading up to New Years eve have been keeping things as calm as can be so the boys could go out and partying without worrying about me at home with dad. So off I went to bed at 2130 with O/H medicated (all medication secretly given in food so we don't have a repeat of the downturn over christmas). Well all settled was feeling a little blue we have always done something to bring in the new year however it was a small sacrifice so that the boys could go out knowing we were safely tucked in bed. Come 12 midnight fireworks were in full force outside and all I could do was pray they would stop so has O/H did not wake up, fortunately the medication must have knocked him for six and I managed to get through half an hour of rockets and bombs going off.

    Happy New Year to everyone!

    Other half is out wandering at the moment in his pyjamas without warm clothing, refuses to wear jacket....freezing outside but what can I do. Will give him some time and if I find him coax him back.

    This year is going to be our toughest year and the strength required to see these days through is going to be hard. Just when we think things are bad we have managed to somehow seen daylight. On other days when things seem so normal it all goes pear shaped. No one can predict what is going to happen the medication helps to an extent but even when given it seems sometime it has no effect. I have 3 young educated men to help me and my little man but even they are baffled by what goes on everyday or should I say hourly. My heart goes out to each and every one of us this crossword puzzle has no correct answers........
     
  2. marionq

    marionq Registered User

    Apr 24, 2013
    5,902
    Female
    Scotland
    Nothing any of us can say can put this right for you but from the bottom of my heart I pray for a good outcome for you all. You have had a hard time of it made worse by concern for your little son. I wish you well.

    A good New a Year in 2016.
     
  3. Maggie42

    Maggie42 Registered User

    Mar 7, 2011
    120
    East Midlands
    I empathise hope you have the strength to deal with whatever 2016 brings .
     
  4. keegan2

    keegan2 Registered User

    Jan 11, 2015
    190
    O/H been outside in the cold 2 and half hours now. Standing outside the house eventually took his coat of our son about half an hour ago, if we approach him he walks off. Better we can see him from window. Don't know what has triggered this off today he woke up fine had breakfast then that was it (did manage to give his meds so surprised he is acting like this). Yesterday took him out in the car and he was a nervous wreck wanting to get out (lucky he was sitting in the back with child locks on doors). In the last few weeks from being able to go out and at least be a part of what is going on. He is refusing to shower, shave eat medicine. Everything is taking longer to get done the coaxing is on another level the amount of sweets and cakes we are having to give with his medicine in has increased (his sugar levels must be high at this rate).

    I am going back to work next week, step son will keep an eye on him whilst I go. Did have an appointment at the day centre managed to get him half way there then he wanted to get out of car and was getting very agitated so we has to give up. Could not get hold of the person we had the appointment with. So don't know if we will get another chance (not that I think we will ever get him to go). He is not making things easy, all we want to do is look after him at home.........
     
  5. Shedrech

    Shedrech Volunteer Moderator

    Dec 15, 2012
    8,089
    Yorkshire
    Hi keegan2
    what a start to the day - I hope the meds calm him soon, though maybe being cold is holding off the effect?
    I know you want very much to look after him at home, however please do remember that there are emergency services you can call to help him and you - I think, though, you are right not to challenge or push him into anything - I know when my dad is unco-operative that it is unwise to do anything but step back and let him settle in his own time. Eventually, mind you, it becomes tricky as although staying in pjs all day is not a major problem, not eating and especially not drinking is a concern.

    A shame you didn't quite make it to the day centre. Is there any possibility that he could be picked up, so that it's not you who takes him? Dad's day centre had a minibus which collected people. Though given his reaction to travelling, I guess that may not work?

    Sorry, not being any help really :(
     
  6. Scarlett123

    Scarlett123 Registered User

    Apr 30, 2013
    3,802
    Essex
    Just to let you know, I'm thinking of you at this difficult time. Sending virtual hugs, and chocolate. ;) xxx
     
  7. pussygalore

    pussygalore Registered User

    Oct 25, 2015
    17
    I am new to this site and am finding it very interesting. Like you Christmas went

    Like you Christmas was a success which I certainly did not expect and then, yes, the next 3 days have been dreadful. I too went to bed on New Year's Eve feeliI ng very blue that we were missing out on all the things that we used to enjoy. It was not helped by my PWD constantly getting out of bed to ask me if I was OK. Eventually he settled down. Woke up New Year's day feeling even more blue and kept going into the kitchen because I was so close to tears (no like me). Then the heating broke down so had to call out the engineer, I was amazed they were able to come out on New Year's day, but heating now up and running. This added to my terrible mood and the feelings of "its not fair, why me" but beginning to cheer up a bit. I too find the medication does not always seem to be an effect. He has a problem sometimes swallowing and I have to stand by him an check that he has swallowed the tablets. He does not understand the importance of his medication and I have often caught him trying to spit the tablets out. So yes I am not looking forward to 2016 as I feel this will be the watershed in one way or another. I am in the process of getting short term respite and after filling in numerous forms have been told that this could take some weeks, so off I have to go to the hairdresser with my PWD in tow in a couple of weeks. I am sorry that you have the problem of your PWD wandering. I have to lock the doors front and back which is o.k in the winter but in the summer I cannot let him out of my sight as he has gone off before.

    Anyway lets keep our fingers crossed that the next few days will improve, that sometimes is all the respite I need.
     
  8. marionq

    marionq Registered User

    Apr 24, 2013
    5,902
    Female
    Scotland
    Pussy I use the daycentre days to get things like a haircut done. Talk to your SW or your CPN about getting him into daycare.
     
  9. keegan2

    keegan2 Registered User

    Jan 11, 2015
    190
    Chocs are off the menu for now Pussygalore however hugs are welcome always, thanks. Anyway O/H eventually was coaxed in 7 hours later cold and still in a miserable mood. Stood in porch area and we locked all doors no way was he going out in the cold again, even though he protested we managed to keep him in. Cakes laced with meds worked not that they lifted his mood, evening fairly calm. He must have been hungry put dinner on table and he eventually ate it followed by ice cream later with more medicine (the deceit is terrible but its the only way to get him to eat them) When I did get him upstairs he seemed reluctant to get into bed as if something was in there (he does not seem to like upstairs anymore, don't know why) after about 30 minutes he finally settled. Up a few times at night but nothing to worry about. Wide awake at 0730 not happy wants to go down and out. Told him he is going nowhere today unless he showers and changes so he is sitting on settee not touched his tea or breakfast bar (again which has his medicine in 0852 now) lets see where this progresses won't push the subject as he is calm. I can't be bothered to do housework today, tree needs coming down. Crazy its not as if I am doing anything just waiting for sir to make his move..........little man going with sister to a friends party at 1200 so at least he will be out in the fresh air....suppose I better get him ready at least......

    Do you think we are over stressing over O/H behaviour? Sometimes I think just let him be, he is not harming anyone, but then I think he will get used to behaving like this so nip it in the bud, but this is alzheimers I am dealing with not an 8 year old child.....Fortunately its holidays when routine has to kick in next week have not got the time for all of this.....Rambling on......
     
  10. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,884
    Kent
    Good morning Keegan

    I don`t think you are over stressing about OH`s behaviour at all , it is ruling your lives. How can you be with someone so ill and not worry.

    I do think you and your OH need more support from the services and only wish I knew how to help you get it.
     
  11. Jinx

    Jinx Registered User

    Mar 13, 2014
    2,333
    Pontypool
    Keegan, have just read back on your thread again, I don't know how you cope with your family and your husband being so unwell. I think your last sentence says so much, it is dementia you're dealing with and you cannot rationalise the behaviour or hope to teach better ways, you are just locked in a constant tug of war. I do admire your determination to keep your husband at home. I have no parallel as my husband is much older, but at home he was often agitated and wanting to 'go home', and didn't sleep much, I coped until his mobility became so bad I couldn't move him on my own but I have found that he is much more settled in the care home than he was at home. For the sake of your family consider what alternative options there might be to give you a break. I worry that you might suffer carer breakdown. Huge hug. xxx


    Sent from my iPad using Talking Point
     
  12. Scarlett123

    Scarlett123 Registered User

    Apr 30, 2013
    3,802
    Essex
    Just to let you know, you are in my thoughts. Duly noted that chocs aren't required, so sending oodles of virtual hugs, and how about a little cyber tipple? ;)
     
  13. Casbow

    Casbow Registered User

    Sep 3, 2013
    997
    Colchester
    keegan2

    I have just read your post and feel so bad that I am wallowing in self pity. Christmas day was as good as it could be but OH wanted to go home before we had had dinner and then every hour afterwards. We finally went hiome ar 5.30. That was that. Then day after boxing day I started a cough which has got worse everyday. Accompanied by a sore throat and cold I am miserable. Since his new tablets he has been qualmer but more and more shutting me out. I feel unwanted,unloved and can't get anything right. Latest is he doesn't want to have me help him dress. So he stays in dressing gown for an hour or two until I can persuade him. He can't talk about anything. Not even one sentance. Going out when i'm feeling better will be as difficult as ever. And if he catches this we will be doomed!! Shut up me.!I am so sorry that you are having to worry about family as well as you and OH. Lots of love.x
     
  14. keegan2

    keegan2 Registered User

    Jan 11, 2015
    190
    I think we have enough space in this bath to wallow together.......love to you hope your cough gets better soon, milk and honey.......
     
  15. Casbow

    Casbow Registered User

    Sep 3, 2013
    997
    Colchester
    Keegan2

    Thankyou. Wish you well for a better week. xxxx
     

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