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Made me think!

Jean1234

Registered User
Mar 19, 2015
259
I saw something on the TV this morning about people suffering dreadful loneliness after their spouse had passed away and it made me think. I know I am sometimes driven nuts by the repetitive actions and questions by my OH but oh how much worse it would be if he wasn't here at all. Made me realise that I need to cherish what time we have left together as the clock is ticking.
 

Bill Owen

Registered User
Feb 17, 2014
182
67
BRIDGEND
Dont miss this chance.

i saw something on the tv this morning about people suffering dreadful loneliness after their spouse had passed away and it made me think. I know i am sometimes driven nuts by the repetitive actions and questions by my oh but oh how much worse it would be if he wasn't here at all. Made me realise that i need to cherish what time we have left together as the clock is ticking.
my wife has lewy body.been in hospitel for the last 2 weeks pooly.told by doc .any time. Tell that to you two chaldran.sorry im dislixo over cristmas.enjoy all the time you can have .be strong for them .
 

Casbow

Registered User
Sep 3, 2013
1,002
Colchester
Jean 1208566

I saw something on the TV this morning about people suffering dreadful loneliness after their spouse had passed away and it made me think. I know I am sometimes driven nuts by the repetitive actions and questions by my OH but oh how much worse it would be if he wasn't here at all. Made me realise that I need to cherish what time we have left together as the clock is ticking.
I so agree with you. When I have a bad day I always try to remember those who are worse off. There is always someone. I would hate to be without him. Even though he drives me mad and tests my patience to the limit. Why does he keep moving the toothpaste all over the house.!! x
 

Shedrech

Volunteer Moderator
Dec 15, 2012
8,741
Yorkshire
Hi Bill Owen
so sorry to read your post - I hope all the wonderful times with your wife will sustain you - my very best wishes to you and your children
 

LadyA

Registered User
Oct 19, 2009
13,563
Ireland
Sorry to hear your wife is so ill Bill Owen.

Yes indeed, somehow since William passed away, it's not that I've forgotten the very dark days before he went to full time care. But I think that while you are going through it, it's so terribly relentless and seems so unending. And of course, the exhaustion makes you feel as if this is how it's going to be always. Now, I think those awful times are more in perspective, and I can remember the good times too.
 

marionq

Registered User
Apr 24, 2013
6,031
Scotland
Yes, Jean we need to concentrate on the here and now. John had a collapse last Thursday and has been in hospital since. I always thought that if he were in respite or hospital I would do so much with the time. Well the after effects of the flu and general apathy means that I've done nothing but wonder when he will be home.

I hope that when he does I will structure my life better.
 

Scarlett123

Registered User
Apr 30, 2013
3,802
Essex
I saw something on the TV this morning about people suffering dreadful loneliness after their spouse had passed away and it made me think. I know I am sometimes driven nuts by the repetitive actions and questions by my OH but oh how much worse it would be if he wasn't here at all. Made me realise that I need to cherish what time we have left together as the clock is ticking.
Oh how I agree with you. :(:(:( After 12 years, battling with this dreadful disease, my darling husband died on the 23rd December, last year. His birthday was just 2 days later, Christmas Day. We met just 2 days before, 21st December 1966, and I'm finding myself dreading the coming week, unable to sleep, sobbing all the time, and drowning in guilt.

I'm the one who's always telling others that they're doing their best, and they have nothing to feel guilty about. What a hypocrite! I feel so guilty for being irritated by the constant repetitive questions and actions to which you refer, but was absolutely exhausted by it all.

But I'd willingly give my own life, just to hear him say, one more time, "is it Thursday today?", which was his favourite question, and must have been repeated hundreds of times each day, day in, day out, for years.

It wasn't Heaven, caring for someone you love who has Alzheimer's, but it surely is Hell without them.
 

LadyA

Registered User
Oct 19, 2009
13,563
Ireland
Oh how I agree with you. :(:(:( After 12 years, battling with this dreadful disease, my darling husband died on the 23rd December, last year. His birthday was just 2 days later, Christmas Day. We met just 2 days before, 21st December 1966, and I'm finding myself dreading the coming week, unable to sleep, sobbing all the time, and drowning in guilt.

I'm the one who's always telling others that they're doing their best, and they have nothing to feel guilty about. What a hypocrite! I feel so guilty for being irritated by the constant repetitive questions and actions to which you refer, but was absolutely exhausted by it all.

But I'd willingly give my own life, just to hear him say, one more time, "is it Thursday today?", which was his favourite question, and must have been repeated hundreds of times each day, day in, day out, for years.

It wasn't Heaven, caring for someone you love who has Alzheimer's, but it surely is Hell without them.
Was just wondering today how you are doing Scarlett. xx
 

esmeralda

Registered User
Nov 27, 2014
3,073
Devon
Oh Scarlett, in no way are you a hypocrite. You make the path of others a little easier with your absolute honesty, not to mention your compassion and kindness.

Such a terribly difficult time for you, with so many reminders. I'm sending blessings and good wishes to hope that you are able to get through it with as much peace as possible.
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Scarlett123

Registered User
Apr 30, 2013
3,802
Essex
Oh Scarlett, in no way are you a hypocrite. You make the path of others a little easier with your absolute honesty, not to mention your compassion and kindness.

Such a terribly difficult time for you, with so many reminders. I'm sending blessings and good wishes to hope that you are able to get through it with as much peace as possible.
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Thank you for your kind words. xxxx
 

Lawrence

Registered User
Dec 20, 2015
1
Gloucester
The emotions that we go through when we lose someone are so difficult to manage especially when we feel as if we are on our own. Some of these, such as guilt, are difficult to share anyway, especially with family. Talking to others about the "stages" that we go through when grieving can help to give some understanding and support. When someone else expresses those deep feelings that we have been unable to voice there can be a great release, an understanding that "it's not just me".

I used to lead bereavement support groups and one area that we always discussed was guilt. Talking about this emotion in particular can really help. All those "if only....." thoughts! The other common guilt issue that I would raise rather than members of the group was the feeling of guilt associated with the initial relief from the burden of caring. On every occasion a sigh would go around the room. Again, "I am not the only one"!

What I struggle with is the feeling that I lose my wife every day; a Groudhog Day of losing the woman that I love. Even with my background I struggle to make sense of it, but I am only human and I do bounce back. Sort of!
 

Trisha4

Registered User
Jan 16, 2014
2,440
Yorkshire
I saw something on the TV this morning about people suffering dreadful loneliness after their spouse had passed away and it made me think. I know I am sometimes driven nuts by the repetitive actions and questions by my OH but oh how much worse it would be if he wasn't here at all. Made me realise that I need to cherish what time we have left together as the clock is ticking.
I feel the same Jean. Mick drives me potty at times but when I think of not being with him it's too painful to contemplate.


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