Loss

[loneyjade]

Hi, a bit of a sad day today,it being fathers day. Son has been to make sure I am ok .He is going to the garden of remembrance later on today and taking his family. This will,I know, be hard for all of them ,being the first one without dad and granddad. They all seem to be coping well.There will be countless families all over the world feeling the same.I lost my own father over forty years ago[ at such a young age] today I have placed flowers by his photo,as I always do on these days.I do the same for my mother whom we lost six years ago.When you think about it,it was a very long time for her to be on her own.Not really on her own, but you will know what I mean. I have been thinking a lot about her these past weeks, and realize what a very strong woman she was. She made a new life for herself, joining this, that and the other ,and helping others. I am going to take a leaf out of her book,and hopefully forge a new life for myself.

Not just yet though, I have to come to terms with my loss,I am also feeling guilty over the fact that I could not cope when things got really bad with hubby, and cannot help but feel I could have and should have done more to have kept him at home with me. I take some comfort from the fact that in his last years he seemed to be well settled,and happy in his own world.

Best regards Jade.x

 

[loneyjade]

Hi , have had a good day today. Went into town had a look around treated myself to a cup of coffee.Should have been out to lunch with a friend, she had to cancel. She had been to a B B Q on Sunday, poor dear. I made the most of the visit. Though at times when taking a breather on one of the benches, watching as elderly couples went by, hand in hand, I did feel ever so sad.I could feel myself filling up, and indeed did shed a few tears. This feeling did not last that long.A young woman sat down next to me with her baby, he was so cuddly and cute and gurgling away to himself, we soon struck up a little conversation, all about babies. As you may have guessed , I soon felt better.

 

[Grannie G]

Well done Jade.

cannot help but feel I could have and should have done more to have kept him at home with me.

It`s easy to feel like this when you are rested Jade. I`m sure when your husband was admitted into the home you were totally worn out.

I take some comfort from the fact that in his last years he seemed to be well settled,and happy in his own world.

This is how my husband is now, Jade

 

[loneyjade]

Thank you Grannie G, for your kind words. Yes I was utterly exhausted.Having had 6 years of his wanderings at all times of the day and night, I lost count of the times the police found him and brought him home. I really needed him on reins, I would let go of his hand to make a payment in a shop and he would be off,like a shot.Always looking for his mother,in drawers, cupboards even the fridge. On top of this I had to have a triple heart by-pass. This, I really believe, was for him the last straw. Me being in hospital he not understanding where I was,why I was not at home with him.
Then he changed so much,to becoming so violent towards me it was frightening. That MY beautiful,lovable, hardworking, loving, generous husband should be so stricken, with this dreadful illness.
I still can not come to terms with this and that life could be so cruel to us. Is it so wrong for me to feel so angry, I try so hard not to be, I look around me and see so many others who are worse off than I am.I am really trying honestly, but it is so hard. Sorry for being a moaning minnie. Have to close now crying to much.

Regards Jade

 

[Izzy]

Oh Jade, you poor thing. It must be so hard for you. One day at a time I suppose. Take care of yourself. Izzy x

 

[loneyjade]

Hello everyone, feeling tons better today. I think this lovely weather is helping.I have worked hard out in my little garden. Family came for tea last evening,we ate outside,though it was not a B B Q. Have received two invitations this morning, one for a first communion,[neighbours granddaughter] the other, for another christening.I am looking forward to attending both. Have made my mind up to have my hair done for both occasions. This is me looking to the future.

Regards Jade xx

 

[DeborahBlythe]

Well done Jade for looking forward to the future. Of course you must have your hair done twice. And could you treat yourself to a new outfit or two as well?

I bought myself a new outfit on Saturday at a Charity Shop! A pair of rather nice pale green linen pedal pushers and a brown linen tunic top .. all for less than £10! Funny that they actually go very well together though they were sold separately on different racks.

Sorry, I am just blethering here. The sun does us all the power of good, I agree. Have a lovely day.
x

 

[Helen33]

Afternoon Jade,

I love the name 'Jade' It is so good to hear that you are having a better day and that you've been industrious in your garden. The weather really does help. Invitations to participate in events helps too and I am glad that you are ready to accept the hands that are reaching out to you

Al fresco dining is my thing and I am finding that a birthday gift of a massive citronella candle is keeping anything living away even without being lit. If I am off talking point for any length of time - it has probably got me too

I hope your two separate hairdo's are not on consecutive days

Love

 

[loneyjade]

Hi Deborah Blythe
I too love charity shops and have had some real bargains. I look out for jigsaws,as they are so much cheaper. Got a lovely blouse last Saturday at our local one.

Regards Jade.xx


Hi Helen 33,
Fortunately, these two invites are different weekends.
So no problem with hair do,s. I am really looking forward to going. Especially the christening, as the new mum is a former work colleague. She came to my work place when only young, hubby and I went to her wedding. This is their third child. I will also see a lot of friends there, they all came to hubbies funeral,but I have not seen them since. Though we all keep in touch by phone. We are talking about a "girls" night out. Nice meal plus a drink. We used to do this on a regular basis, once every 6/8 weeks or so. I do hope we can arrange something.


Regards Jade.xx

 

[loneyjade]

Hi all, just a quick message to say feeling a lot better, each day is a challenge, but I am coping a lot better. Had my youngest g/son for the day, he really kept me on my toes, where does a 7 year old get all this energy from. .
A very hectic, but happy day.Been spending some time out in my little garden these last few days.Just relaxing and enjoying all the weeks of hard work that has been done. Though in honesty, can not stay put for long, forever spotting faded flowers and the dreaded weeds that need attention. I am off to bed now, so goodnight all.I should sleep well tonight.


Regards Jade.

 

[Helen33]

Goodnight Jade, sleep tight

 

[Grannie G]

It`s so good to hear how much better you are feeling Jade.
Good night. Sleep well.

 

[loneyjade]

Hi all, a lovely day was had by all on our trip to Llandudno. Very tasty lunch, spoilt by being waited on helped a lot.Makes such a difference when you have not had to cook. Beautiful Welsh lamb and all the trimmings went down a treat.We all had a good look around the shops, especially the charity ones.We also had a few shandies, very refreshing. Rain stayed away until we were due to leave. Everybody had a good time,and I arrived home, tired but feeling so relaxed.


Regards Jade.xxx

 

[Helen33]

Hi Jade,

It sounded wonderful. Lamb, charity shops, shandies and people to wait on

I sincerely am glad that you had a lovely time.

Love

 

[loneyjade]

Hi, just sitting waiting for sis and b-i-l,to arrive they are coming for lunch. In fact they are a wee bit late. Every thing is ready,do hope food does not spoil. Knowing sis, she will have bumped into someone she know`s and is having a good gab.It will be a toss up between watching tennis or footie. don`t mind either myself.


Regards Jade.xx

 

[Grannie G]

I hope they`ve arrived by now Jade, otherwise I wouldn`t like to guess the state of your lunch.

 

[loneyjade]

Hi Grannie G they arrived safely about 3o mins after I posted. I had guessed right.They had bumped into our cousin and her hubby, she was was venturing out to do some shopping, after having spent the last 5 weeks confined to the house, with a broken foot. So lots to catch up on gossip wise. Lunch was fine went down a treat.That is, until b-i-l discovered that his hearing aid was missing.
We spent the next hour on our hands and knees looking all around living room, then moved to the garden, where he had been looking at the roses. Next front path, all to no avail.His hearing aid is a digital on and cost quite a lot of money,so you can understand his being so upset. Sister just put her eyes up to heaven. She`s been down this path before [forgive the pun].

Their taxi arrived about six and off they went, one last look down front path and around the pavement outside. 15 mins later phone went it was sis, he had left it in the bed. Ah well at least he has it now.

 

[Grannie G]

Glad it all went well Jade.

It sounds like your BiL`s hearing aid is a bit like mine, he doesn`t really feel the benefit or he would have missed it sooner.

 

[loneyjade]

So true Grannie G. I think is`s a bit like mind over matter. . You do not really need something until you have not got it.

 

[loneyjade]

Hi ,today I went to a christening. It was for the most part a really nice day. Met up with many friends including the babies mum and dad.The baby is a dream, 5 months old and so contented.Gurgled all the way through, and then right at the end of the service fell asleep. It was good to see so many happy faces all having a good time. Meeting up with all my former work mates, catching up on all their news.
One engagement, one marriage come this Oct,and one friend to become a grandmother for the first time. As you would expect she is over the moon.And then after a while, at the reception all of a sudden I felt myself becoming so sad it hurt.I waited as long as I honestly felt I could, without looking disrespectful to my hosts and took my leave,I really did think I was doing well.And then this feeling of complete loneliness swept over me.

Regards Jade