Loss Of Confidence

[Bree]

When my dear husband became ill with Alzheimer's Disease, I was slightly at an advantage having nursed patients with the disease.

I was confident and re-assuring, planned trips out, I drove everywhere with him, sometimes a couple of hundred miles to visit family. Obviously I carried out all the normal things that have to be done, administering meds, trips to the doctor, this nurse, that clinic, dealing with incontinence etc. In the end it was a fall that led to his demise, a fractured femur, although he survived for three months after, in the end, he gave up, refusing food first and then fluids. I was with him at the end, stroking his head, whilst telling him that I loved him.

I have always been confident, organizing everything that needed to be done. My OH was a police officer, so I got used to taking care of most things in our home, shift work is hard, and then I never knew if he would be home when he was due, as anything could and did happen. Our children are very supportive an have 'been there' for me, but they have their own lives and families.

Now I find that I'm losing that confidence that I always had, I am no longer confident to do the drive alone to see family, I am now afraid of falling myself. A few days ago I returned home and when I got to the small step to reach the front door I froze. I was shaking so much that I couldn't even make a call on my mobile. Thank goodness a neighbour helped me to the door, and insisted that I ring my G.P.

What is happening to me, I have never in my life been like this, and it's only since my OH died that it has started. Am I alone in experiencing this ?

 

[Izzy]

I’m so sorry to hear about how you’re feeling @Bree. I’m absolutely sure you’re not alone in feeling that way. I would think it’s a part of the grieving process - but knowing that doesn’t make how you feel any easier.

I wondered if it would be worth having a chat with your GP about how you’re feeling. It might be a course of counselling would help you. I’ve not used them myself but I believe the charity CRUSE is very good. I’ve put their details here in case you feel like giving them a ring -

Cruse Bereavement Support

Grief can be overwhelming - you don't have to deal with it alone. Cruse Bereavement Support is here. Call our helpline or chat online.

www.cruse.org.uk

I’m glad you’ve shared on the forum and hope it has helped a little to put your thoughts down here. Wishing you strength.

 

[jaymor]

I don’t think you are @Bree. When we are a couple we do what we do, we may take the lions share of the running of the home for whatever reason, for me it was because of my husband’s long hours of working and because there were things I thought I was better at?. No matter how we share as a couple, we are a couple, someone always there beside you.

It’s a completely different ball game when you are the only one, no one to bounce a thought off, no one to but the world to rights with, there is just you at the end of the day. It’s hard especially after many years of marriage. If something goes wrong, it’s just you to sort it out. I hate being ill, even a cold can get right out of hand. I’ve had just over 4 years on my own and have gone through most of the things that can go wrong and I’ve managed to sort them, well most of them.

I’ll never get used to being ‘ the only one ‘ but time has given me ability to accept.

Plus right now we have this black cloud of Covid hanging over us,, give yourself time, your confidence will come back.

 

[Helly68]

@Bree you are definitely not alone in this.
My mother died recently from Mixed Dementia. I am grieving and also need to find a new job. Not two things you would want at the same time. I find, like you, I am terribly anxious about things I used to be easily able to do. I think I understand something of where you are coming from.
For me, though it may be different for you, I think it is long term stress and anxiety. The dementia journey we go on with our loved ones is a difficult one, and we all know how it must end. I had some counselling, which helped me to accept some things, but it is still very hard and the realisation that you can't do things you used to, is a very unwelcome manifestation.
I hope your GP is able to help. I have been considering an appointment as my sleep is very disturbed, but I am not keen on the idea of sleeping pills.

 

[Bree]

Thank you so much for your replies. I see that I am not alone in my confidence issues.

My GP is arranging an appointment at the 'falls clinic' for me. Maybe that will be the start of getting back on track. I hope so.

Counselling is something I have decided against up to now. I was brought up to believe that if you fall down, you get up again and deal with the issue. Of course that was a totally different time from today. I will look at the Cruse website however.

Thank you again.

 

[Cat27]

Sometimes we need a helping hand to get back up again @Bree.

 

[Izzy]

My GP is arranging an appointment at the 'falls clinic' for me. Maybe that will be the start of getting back on track. I hope so.

Counselling is something I have decided against up to now. I was brought up to believe that if you fall down, you get up again and deal with the issue. Of course that was a totally different time from today. I will look at the Cruise website however.

I’m glad you have that falls clinic appointment and hope it helps to build up your courage again. I have to confess that I’m not actually one for counselling, but everyone is different. Like @Cat27 says sometimes we just need a helping hand.

 

[Bunpoots]

Hi @Bree my aunt had a fantastic result from the exercises she was given from the falls clinic. I hope it helps you recover your confidence too.

 

[CWR]

If there is a tai chi class locally, you could check it out. There is research that shows that tai chi can help prevent falls, also it could be a way of getting out and may help with your confidence issues.

tai chi for falls prevention

this paper was written to explore the research and background into tai chi for falls prevention

www.networks.nhs.uk

 

[Bree]

Thank you again for your replies. I hope my confidence will improve at the clinic, that said, no appointment yet.