I’ve just read through a few of your messages and could have written them myself. My mum is now in a care home which I will tell you has been tough due to restrictions but in my heart, I know this is the right place for her. She is safe, well cared for and on a good day settled and happy. Like your mum, even though my mum was at home, she went through the daily routine late afternoon of packing up her things to go ‘home’. I was working full time in a demanding job & trying to help care for mum too. She would leave the house and my dad couldn’t contain her or keep pace with her. She didn’t recognise him or her home often which was the tipping point. I called our GP after the last incident, was told to call 999, mum was admitted to hospital with delirium due to a UTI, where she stayed for 5 weeks. She then moved straight to the care home. I’ve gone through all the same guilt as you and it’s soul destroying. My dad didn’t want mum to go into a home but I asked if he could managed without the support of me and my two siblings and he said no. Before lockdown, we visited mum everyday, she became calmer, was stimulated and we became her family again, with the energy to spend quality time with her, do puzzles, take her out for afternoon tea and be family again, instead of exhausted Carers! Be kind to yourself, find your mum a home who can offer some respite but make sure they are dementia specialist who can deal with her needs. You may be pleasantly surprised and if all goes well, look at the respite as a longer term option.
take care,
