Looking for people in same situation

ceetee

Registered User
Nov 18, 2010
119
0
Bedfordshire
Hello,

I have been posting a lot on the main forum. I get more and more frustrated about financial difficulties, which have hit home through that cruel illness, and I would love to talk to people , who have faced similar difficulties and might have some advice how to overcome some of these problems. Here is a brief (Well, it's a bit longer than brief):

My husband (62 in Dec 2010) lost his job last year in May through a diciplinary procedure (misconduct). The company followed their procedure correctly with warnings and meetings etc. All of this bypassed me and I found the hidden letters (warnings, stating low work standards and workmanship, not keeping to times and completing wrong jobs) when it was to late and he was already in his notice period. I had been seeing the GP about twice before because I thought my hb was depressed. He did not seem to like to go to work anymore and did not talk a lot in general and overall behaved somewhat strangely. Anyway, in May 2010, the job contract was terminated by the company. I went to see CAB who told me that he was barred from registering with the jobcentre for 6 months due to the way he lost his job. I tried to convince my hb to see the GP, but he stated everything was fine. After 4 months in Sep 2010, I succeeded threatening with divorce. He then saw his GP and was referred straight away to the mental health team. After one set of tests, they diagnosed AD. In the meantime, there have been scans, more tests and assessments. I started as advised to apply for DLA and Employment and Support Allowance, the latter came back denied due to missing NI contributions. I will have to chase that up but can imagine it is the 4 months between job loss and first diagnosis. Our Mortgage insurers also refused our claim on our total mortgage protection plan, because you have to become unfit for work whilst being employed. I am sure my hb will receive DLA but apart from that there is no other financial help out there since I am full-time working with a high gross income. We have a 4-yr-old son, who needs full-time childcare and a repayment mortgage, which uses up most of my wage...but so far no one has looked at the outgoings. We barely have £20 to shop and my credit card is getting more and more stretched. I am not willing to give up my career, I am sure we would get lots of benefits then...but I need my work to keep me sane and to pay the bills. I feel so cheated by the system. My hb worked all his life, never claimed benefits. Now he is punished for being married to a much younger wife (I am 34), who works...and does not get any help. And a lot of it is due to the fact that he lost his job due to misconduct (but really due to his illness) and did not see a doctor until 4 months later. People did suggest unfair dismissal, I am not sure, the company he worked for did everything by the book and the doctors cannot backdate an unfit-for-work certificate more that Sep, when they first saw my hb. I wonder if there is anyone out there, who is facing similar hardship and would like to just talk, PM or has any advice of how to escape this nightmare??? I hope there is, please, get in touch! Ceetee.:mad:
 
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BeckyJan

Registered User
Nov 28, 2005
18,971
0
Derbyshire
This is a difficult one and I have no experience of this.

My own thought is could you talk to a responsible Manager (? HR) to ask if they understand about your husband's illness and the history prior to diagnosis. Then maybe the GP could write to that person to confirm how the illness presents prior to diagnosis. Is there than a possibility the reason for leaving could become 'ill health' rather than 'misconduct'.

Apart from winning them over to support you I know not what else you can do.

I am so sorry you have this to face.
 

ceetee

Registered User
Nov 18, 2010
119
0
Bedfordshire
Dear BeckyJan,

The GP has already written a supporting letter to explain that symptoms would have been present many months or years prior and they will have contributed or are reason for the dropping workstandards and other problems raised by the comapny. That's all they can do I was told. However, will keep on fighting!

Best wishes.
 

elaine n

Registered User
Jun 1, 2010
4,565
0
west country uk
God Ceetee what a nightmare for you! This all seems so unfair because it was all caused by this awful illness! I'm sorry I don't have anything to offer in the way of advice or help but just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you - not much use I know xxxxxelaine
 

sleepless

Registered User
Feb 19, 2010
3,223
0
The Sweet North
This is an awful injustice, Ceetee. You have my sympathy.
Just a thought - was your husband in a union? who may help?
There may be firms of solicitors who deal with employment disputes (not quite the same, perhaps, but worth a phone-call?)
I hope you can find a solution to this.
 

seaurchin

Registered User
Oct 24, 2009
164
0
Oh Ceetee wat a dreadful situation for you and your family. We faced similar problems as my husband was suspended from work as his abilities declined due to AD. I was fortunately aware of what was happening and was able to intervene on my husband's behalf although he was furious with me for doing this as "there was nothing wrong". Both I and his employers knew that he was behaving very different to the employee they had known for 20years.

My husband left his job on ill health grounds and fortunately received his occupational pension early even though we had no diagnosis at the time. Does your husband have an occupational pension? If so, are you able to approach them direct and explain what has happened? I suspect you will need to take legal advice as it seems that your husband has been penalised because of his illness. We were also helped by a good union representative.

On another point, I have managed to keep working with the help of direct payments. We employ two carers who sit with my husband. Our daughter is 8 so I have some understanding of how difficult it is to meet opposing needs. Working keeps me going too. Good luck and I hope you meet with some sucess.

Kindest regards,

xxxx
 
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Jo1958

Registered User
Mar 31, 2010
3,724
0
Yorkshire
Ceetee, hi
I am so sorry that you are in this situation, it's awful and so unfair. We are a couple of years on from you and, I'm sorry to say, it isn't any easier although we have got things sorted out now.

Hubby was made redundant because he was off sick and so it was easy for them. The company he worked for for 36 years changed their pension scheme about eight years before he got sick and then they went into receivership, PriceWaterhouseCooper the administrators couldn't find the pension fund! So that was eight years lost but luckily the earlier payments were closed and safe, he took this twelve years early when he was 53.

I worked full time, then part time when he became less able to cope on his own, I saved half of my salary for the last year of work so that gave me a year to sort things out without worrying too much, it did take me a year to get benefits, LPA and all the other paperwork sorted out while being a full time carer.

So now we have a little pension, DLA, I get CA and that is that. Now that hubby is 61 years old we get the winter fuel payment and 25 percent off our council tax, it's manageable but I can't pay for much time off, I pay fourteen pounds an hour for 2 hours per week so that's my CA gone.

Our situation isn't anything like yours because there are just the two of us, having a young family makes your position so much more difficult, my heart goes out to you.

I hope that you can keep working and arrange a good care package, direct payments sound like the way forward.

I wish you lots of luck with getting help and support and I hope that you can get more financial help sorted. I look forward to hearing how it goes.
With best wishes from Jo
 

brizzleychris

Registered User
Jun 29, 2010
10
0
somerset
Ceetee

we had a similar issue in that my wife left her job at the time believing it was stress and it took some time to get her GP to accept that there was an issue other than her age (51 yrs)and keep putting her on HRT.

Her boss started discipline procedures with her because she started to get things wrong(he was a consultant psychologist believe it or not and didnt spot a problem)so it just all got too much and she up and left.

I have tried looking at the problem with the HR department but to no avail. The best hope I have been offered is that they may (may) enhance her pension a little when she is entitled to it, which isnt for another 2 years.

It seems that diagnosis at the younger age is difficult (despite having a brilliant and very supportive psychiatrist)and by the time that diagnosis is confirmed the hope of going back retrospectively to an employer is pretty much gone. I have read several similar accounts on this forum, so you are definitely not alone.

I cant offer much advice, other than its very difficult to prove that the disease existed at the time of leaving either voluntarily or by dismissal, especially in these times of tight budgets when ill health pensions are costly. I wish you much good luck and I would be interested in the outcome.
 

Vivienne3

Registered User
Jan 25, 2010
57
0
Cheshire
Financial Assistance

A social worker maybe able to sign post you to the benefits you are able to claim. I too work full time and my husband just gets DLA and we get 25% off our coucil rates (the doctor needs to sign a form).
I work in a law firm that handles brain injuries and we have a local Financial Services company that work with us and they will help people fully review their finances/pensions/insurance. It maybe worth ringing some locally and asking if they will help you review. It could be that they can find you a better deal on your mortgage or that you have some terms hidden in an insurance policy that may assist. They could help you to review your finances and see if they can spot any reasonable savings.
Good luck.
 

Fellman

Registered User
Apr 16, 2009
33
0
Hay-on-Wye, POWYS
My wife had the same problem. She was a social worker. She began to struggle with sentences and organizing her diary at the beginning 1996. Unknown to me, she was poor performed by her social worker manager and the HR manager the middle of 1998. She was off work for 3 months with very high blood pressure and nervous exhaustion.
At the end of 1999 she resigned.

A couple of months ago, sorting out her papers, I found the minutes of the 1988 meeting. They noted that "Janine said was struggling with her organizational skills, found attending court highly stressful, and often forgot what she had said part way through a sentence - and been doing so for 12 - 18 months".

At some point she had opted out of the government pension and gone private without consulting me. After years of service she gets £40pm pension.

After 3 'burn outs' I learnt that I'm the one that has to be looked after first, my wife and everything else must come second or she goes in a home. As a retired HR Manager I decided the case was marginal and the stress and time involved totally unacceptable. I won't be doing anything about it.
 

ceetee

Registered User
Nov 18, 2010
119
0
Bedfordshire
Hi and thank you all for replying. It is good to hear that other people go through the same or similar and overcome most hurdles in the end...hope we will get there, too. Best wishes, Ceetee.
 

Necion

Registered User
Sep 26, 2010
1,363
0
Aberdeenshire,Scotland
Hi Ceetee, I've been having a think about your situation, and have something else to throw in the pot, as it were.

Depending upon how long your husband worked with that company, and how well they knew his personality and work record, it could be possible that they were aware there was a medical problem, but for financial reasons (in the company's favour) they may have chosen to not refer for a medical assessment, knowing this would cost them more money.
I'm not sure if this is a legal term, but 'constructive dismissal' comes to mind.

However good they were as employers, please don't forget that business comes down to profit & politics, and things you & me would think totally unethical, can be quite easily justified by clever thinking and making the right reports at the right time...the loopholes.

I cannot believe that someone, somewhere, didn't have the sense to realise that this was not your husband's normal behaviour, and there was a reason unrelated to carelessness. If they were clever enough to run a successful business with employees, I think the 'balance of probability' is that they knew something else was wrong.

Just something else you may want to give a thought to. Remember, being Mrs Nice Guy will get us nowhere, sometimes we have to go 'in for the kill' when survival is at stake!

Take care for now,
Love to all, Necion. xxx
 

Logan

Registered User
Nov 1, 2010
813
0
Survival is at Stake

Good morning ceetee and Necion.
"Survival is at Stake" - wonderful and very true words.
Are you able to speak with some of your husband's past colleagues? Not very likely that they will "open up", especially if still at some company. However, it might give you some "feeling from insight". I have been attempting to "delve" into my husband's past employment and what "actually" caused the redundancy (was he presenting at work as he is at home?). I have come across many "tight lips". However, still worth going down the route that your husband's work performance was not at all like his previous commitment to the company. It has taken me a very, very long time to realise that self-protect mode has to come into play. I have not been able to grasp that until recently (thanks to TP). For, the carer has to stay strong and, in many instances, requires acknowledgment of the situation. Lx
 

ceetee

Registered User
Nov 18, 2010
119
0
Bedfordshire
Dear Necion and Logan,

thanks for your replies. Yes, I have actually thought about this myself. I have asked the company to send me all the disciplinary stuff (as asked for by the mortgage insurers) and all supporting documentation which show how my hb's "unusual" behaviour was received and recorded (that's what I asked them from ME but I did not tell them). They have sent all the papers including some minutes of meetings, which give a nice list that mirrors a symtoms list of Alzheimer's. HB's comment recorded: "There is nothing wrong with me. I will try harder", employer's comment recorded: "He did not fully acknowledge or accept our views...was apathetic about the meeting and did not convince us of his motivation to address the issues." So not a lot of investigation or further thinking of how to help from their side at all. I have also got a company newsletter from 2008 (only 2 years previous), which mention my hb as one of the team who are often named in Thank-you-Letters by happy customers. HB received a lot of THANKS and praise from company then...Strange, isn't it? So, Necion, I do think along your lines and think his dismissal came easy and at the right time. The company boss retired in 2009, his son took over and brought a whole lot of younger workers and office staff in. I'm sure that under the old boss things would have taken a different course. My hb worked for over 20 years for that company.

...I will keep this ACE under the table for now, but I am prepared to get it out if I continue to run into brickwalls. STRIVE TO SURVIVE!

Love, Ceetee x.
 

Necion

Registered User
Sep 26, 2010
1,363
0
Aberdeenshire,Scotland
Well done Ceetee.
After 20 years of such a work record, there's no way they couldn't have known there was something 'wrong', whatever your husband said.
Definately sounds like they didn't want the expense of a medical assessment or 'sick pay'. The new broom seems to have swept a little bit too clean with the son taking over, and the fact that he took in younger workers is in your favour too.
Hang in there, something will be around the corner.
Love, Necion. xx
 

Logan

Registered User
Nov 1, 2010
813
0
Hi ceetee, Has your husband, or you on his behalf, sought legal advice on this matter? Lx
 

ceetee

Registered User
Nov 18, 2010
119
0
Bedfordshire
Not so far...but am prepared to go down that route if nothing happens soon! Legal advice could be useful...maybe there is a door...