Looking for new care home and already feeling despondent...

[canary]

I would be inclined to go back and see the ramshackle care home, perhaps during the morning. people in later stages of dementia are often tired and snoozing in the afternoon and relatives often realise and dont visit then. I would always visit mum in the morning.
Bright, bustling care homes are lovely to look round and suit PWDs in the early stages, but people in later stages often cant cope with it and need routine and a quieter environment. Is it really dour, or is it just quiet and a bit shabby?
Go back and try and look at it through your dads eyes as they are now (not as they used to be) and see whether it would actually suit him.

 

[looviloo]

Serina, I would expect the care home to do it's own assessment too (most do) but like me, they want assurance that their residents are in the right place for their needs, and have the FNC in place prior to moving. Otherwise there's a risk that the resident will need to move again.

I'm suspicious that some care homes are only too happy to assess a potential resident as suitable in order to fill bed spaces. They are businesses, after all.

Thank goodness it's not just me that has thoughts of walking away from the POA! While it has helped many times, it has also become a burden, especially when dealing with the 'system'. My sister is also POA but lives a distance away and for various reasons been unable to give the time that I have. I love dad, want the best for him (he deserves it) but the situation is grinding me down.

canary, I mentioned the ramshackled home to dad's current manager and she warned me off placing dad there! She must have her reasons, and I need to ask her why (it was in a snatched phone call). The home is local to her so she'll have some knowledge of it.

I've contacted the local alzheimer's society for some help. They are looking into the situation and even mentioned that they could ring social care on my behalf, to push things along. I'll ring them again this morning to find out what advice they have. Maybe I just need to resign myself to dad moving to another residential (not nursing) home as a short term measure.

 

[Louise7]

Serina, I would expect the care home to do it's own assessment too (most do) but like me, they want assurance that their residents are in the right place for their needs, and have the FNC in place prior to moving. Otherwise there's a risk that the resident will need to move again.

Has your Dad had a CHC assessment? This will determine what his needs are currently and also whether he is entitled to FNC or not.

 

[looviloo]

Has your Dad had a CHC assessment? This will determine what his needs are currently and also whether he is entitled to FNC or not.

No, but this is what I want... the care worker who came out to see dad (briefly) totally shut the conversation down when I raised the issue of CHC, saying that he wouldn't qualify for FNC. She made this judgement from seeing him shuffle v slowly with a frame for about 3 or 4 yards. This was mid July and he's deteriorated further since then .

 

[Louise7]

If he's deteriorated then you're within your rights to request an assessment. When my Mum had her two assessments they were arranged whilst in hospital, and conducted by assessors from the CCG. I think you can request one via social services or your GP can refer so that might be the best route for you, or your local alzheimer's group can hopefully point you in the right direction.

Good luck.

 

[Sirena]

Serina, I would expect the care home to do it's own assessment too (most do) but like me, they want assurance that their residents are in the right place for their needs, and have the FNC in place prior to moving. Otherwise there's a risk that the resident will need to move again.

I'm suspicious that some care homes are only too happy to assess a potential resident as suitable in order to fill bed spaces. They are businesses, after all.

Thank goodness it's not just me that has thoughts of walking away from the POA! While it has helped many times, it has also become a burden, especially when dealing with the 'system'. My sister is also POA but lives a distance away and for various reasons been unable to give the time that I have. I love dad, want the best for him (he deserves it) but the situation is grinding me down.

canary, I mentioned the ramshackled home to dad's current manager and she warned me off placing dad there! She must have her reasons, and I need to ask her why (it was in a snatched phone call). The home is local to her so she'll have some knowledge of it.

I've contacted the local alzheimer's society for some help. They are looking into the situation and even mentioned that they could ring social care on my behalf, to push things along. I'll ring them again this morning to find out what advice they have. Maybe I just need to resign myself to dad moving to another residential (not nursing) home as a short term measure.

I see, the requirement for the assessment is because of the potential nursing component? My mother hasn't reached that stage yet. Sounds like the Alzheimers Society are being helpful - that's good to know.

 

[Angela57]

Serina, I would expect the care home to do it's own assessment too (most do) but like me, they want assurance that their residents are in the right place for their needs, and have the FNC in place prior to moving. Otherwise there's a risk that the resident will need to move again.

I'm suspicious that some care homes are only too happy to assess a potential resident as suitable in order to fill bed spaces. They are businesses, after all.

Thank goodness it's not just me that has thoughts of walking away from the POA! While it has helped many times, it has also become a burden, especially when dealing with the 'system'. My sister is also POA but lives a distance away and for various reasons been unable to give the time that I have. I love dad, want the best for him (he deserves it) but the situation is grinding me down.

canary, I mentioned the ramshackled home to dad's current manager and she warned me off placing dad there! She must have her reasons, and I need to ask her why (it was in a snatched phone call). The home is local to her so she'll have some knowledge of it.

I've contacted the local alzheimer's society for some help. They are looking into the situation and even mentioned that they could ring social care on my behalf, to push things along. I'll ring them again this morning to find out what advice they have. Maybe I just need to resign myself to dad moving to another residential (not nursing) home as a short term measure.

I've got to the point of wanting to relinquish my POA, so feel assured that you're not alone @looviloo. I can't though because I have it for both my parents who are in different homes, and the finances are complicated. But the health and welfare over the years has taken its toll, as I'm sure it has on many of us. Also, I'm an only child, and there are no other family members who could take over, but it's become a burden. Don't beat yourself up because you feel that way.

 

[looviloo]

Thank you all so much.

If he's deteriorated then you're within your rights to request an assessment. When my Mum had her two assessments they were arranged whilst in hospital, and conducted by assessors from the CCG. I think you can request one via social services or your GP can refer so that might be the best route for you, or your local alzheimer's group can hopefully point you in the right direction.
Good luck.

I'm going to push for formal assessment(s) now. I've just spoken to the mental health nurse who was very helpful. She said that like me, she'd be very concerned about any move of home having a negative impact on dad's health (mental and physical). And since he's deteriorated further over the couple of months we've been dealing with this, then I'm quite right to ask for a proper assessment from social services (or if that fails, then the GP).

I see, the requirement for the assessment is because of the potential nursing component? My mother hasn't reached that stage yet. Sounds like the Alzheimers Society are being helpful - that's good to know.

As I understand it, funded nursing care (FNC) can only be applied for via a full CHC assessment. I don't know about you but it takes some doing to get my head around it all...

I've got to the point of wanting to relinquish my POA, so feel assured that you're not alone @looviloo. I can't though because I have it for both my parents who are in different homes, and the finances are complicated. But the health and welfare over the years has taken its toll, as I'm sure it has on many of us. Also, I'm an only child, and there are no other family members who could take over, but it's become a burden. Don't beat yourself up because you feel that way.

It's horrible isn't it... I feel guilty for feeling this way . It helps to know I'm not the only one. Have you had a carer's assessment? I'm not sure how it would help but my dad's mental health nurse keeps pushing me to ask for one, and maybe it would be good for you too?

 

[kindred]

I would be inclined to go back and see the ramshackle care home, perhaps during the morning. people in later stages of dementia are often tired and snoozing in the afternoon and relatives often realise and dont visit then. I would always visit mum in the morning.
Bright, bustling care homes are lovely to look round and suit PWDs in the early stages, but people in later stages often cant cope with it and need routine and a quieter environment. Is it really dour, or is it just quiet and a bit shabby?
Go back and try and look at it through your dads eyes as they are now (not as they used to be) and see whether it would actually suit him.

I so agree with you canary about people in the later stages not being able to cope with the bustle that those in the early stages can. They get tired more easily, bustle confuses them and although there is some energy in it, they then get extra tired. Quieter routine can be kinder. Geraldineaka kindred.

 

[looviloo]

Quick update... yesterday I visited a care home just 15 minutes away and from the moment I walked in I knew it was the right one . It is charity-run, and very caring with special music therapy for people who have lost their speech. There are two levels of care - dementia residential and dementia nursing.

The (new) home want dad to be assessed before he moves. They don't have any vacancies at the moment but his current home is happy to wait until a room becomes available.

It was the 13th home I visited (lucky for some!). It has been a long, long haul with much hard work and disappointment along the way. But today I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders!!!

 

[love.dad.but..]

Keeping my fingers crossed for your dad and you too that this home is the one...sounds promising

 

[Louise7]

That's great news, it must be such a relief for you

 

[looviloo]

Thank you both! I'm feeling very hopeful now. We have a number of hurdles to get over yet (not least the move itself) but from my point of view, this was the biggest hurdle x

 

[Sirena]

That's great! You are so right, you do know when it's "the one". Hope the assessment goes well.

 

[looviloo]

So I started this thread eleven weeks ago, and should probably re-name it '...STILL feeling despondent'.

After finding what I feel would be the best of the care homes I've seen, I'm waiting for a) a room to become available and b) social care to arrange an assessment, because the home won't even come out to see dad until that is done.

I've made phonecalls to adult social care and the psychiatric team, and dad's current care home manager has done the same, in an effort to hurry things up. Today the psychiatrist came to review dad. It turns out she was prompted by one of the care workers (I wasn't aware of this). She agrees that dad needs to move, soon, and that residential EMI care should be fine for him. She asked if I'd been to see any homes yet... and this is when I had a small breakdown... ended up in tears.

Yes, of course I've been to see homes! Dad is on the waiting lists for four of them! No rooms available and no help from social care!

What am I supposed to do?

I did point out that just because dad is self-funding doesn't mean I'm an expert in dementia and navigating the system. I know that the psychiatrist understands my situation but her hands are tied like everyone else. I got the impression that I am seen as being too fussy about where dad moves to, which I accept, but it's also the reason I might not be the best person to make these decisions. Doesn't everyone want what's best for their PWD? Am I suppose to accept somewhere that I honestly feel he would be less happy/safe?

 

[Sirena]

I'm so glad you've found a few care homes you are happy with. It sounds like you've done a really good job, you have his name on the waiting list for four care homes so it doesn't seem you are being overly fussy at all - you're just being selective which is absolutely right. You can't influence how soon a room becomes available but you're doing your best to ensure everything is set up so he's ready to go. I know it feels a lonely place having to do all this on your own with no support, and I hope you get a resolution very soon.

 

[looviloo]

I'm so glad you've found a few care homes you are happy with. It sounds like you've done a really good job, you have his name on the waiting list for four care homes so it doesn't seem you are being overly fussy at all - you're just being selective which is absolutely right. You can't influence how soon a room becomes available but you're doing your best to ensure everything is set up so he's ready to go. I know it feels a lonely place having to do all this on your own with no support, and I hope you get a resolution very soon.

Thanks Sirena, I appreciate your kind words. I'm feeling emotional today. Dad was in an awkward mood, and the situation with his feet and footwear (a different thread) is still unresolved. He refuses to wear the latest sandals I bought for him, so that's another pair to be returned. I get no joy from this anymore and very little thanks, so I'm very grateful for your support, and that of others on this forum

 

[Sirena]

Thanks Sirena, I appreciate your kind words. I'm feeling emotional today. Dad was in an awkward mood, and the situation with his feet and footwear (a different thread) is still unresolved. He refuses to wear the latest sandals I bought for him, so that's another pair to be returned. I get no joy from this anymore and very little thanks, so I'm very grateful for your support, and that of others on this forum

You're very welcome. It does make it worse when they are in a grumpy mood, I know all about the lack of thanks! My mother thinks her life is organised by magic, and whenever I take her anything or do anything for her, she lavishes praise on my OH for it, I'm just the scivvy who gets ignored. I think you have to get your own 'reward' (such as it is) from knowing you are doing the right thing. I'll keep my fingers crossed that a place is soon available for your dad.

 

[looviloo]

You're very welcome. It does make it worse when they are in a grumpy mood, I know all about the lack of thanks! My mother thinks her life is organised by magic, and whenever I take her anything or do anything for her, she lavishes praise on my OH for it, I'm just the scivvy who gets ignored. I think you have to get your own 'reward' (such as it is) from knowing you are doing the right thing. I'll keep my fingers crossed that a place is soon available for your dad.

It's hard to be on the receiving end of so much negativity, isn't it? Sometimes I just want to throw my hands in the air and stomp off, haha!!! You're right of course, that we just have to remember that we're doing the right thing, doing our best, and not look for any thanks. Most of the time I can cope with that... but a combination of grumpiness and care home issues pushed me to the limit today!

I've been just ringing the care homes on my short-list this afternoon and confirmed there are still no beds available. Just have to keep waiting... and put up with any pressure to move dad, I guess...

 

[looviloo]

After a sleepless night, I asked my husband (who also has POA) to ring adult social care, instead of me. Somehow he has managed to arrange a fast-track assessment for dad which should happen next week!

The social worker referred to it as an 'independent assessment', and it's something that they are very familiar with. I assume it's a watered down needs assessment. They use it to facilitate moves between care homes. It won't lead in any way to a CHC assessment for healthcare needs.... that would require an 'intermediate assessment', the next step up. The 'independent assessment' is purely so that the care homes & family can be assured that the resident has the correct level of care as a result of moving.

It's a very positive step, although I won't celebrate until it's done.

Oh, and we received an apology from the adult social care team. Apparently in reviewing the case, they found telephone messages left by myself that they had never responded to....