Looking for advice

Worried DIL

New member
Apr 21, 2024
4
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Good afternoon, My name is Sue and I’m new on this forum. Looking for some advice on how to handle a situation that keeps happening with my MIL.

For the past year, my MIL has been showing signs of dementia. She keeps insisting that she is just old (85 in August) and can’t remember things. It seems to my husband and I that she is incapable of learning new things. We have told her at least 20 different times that if she wants to Skype with us she needs to send us an email so we can turn Skype on. She has yet to do that. Instead of just leaving Skype on (we turn it off because of telemarketing calls) we feel that we should just keep reminding her that she needs to email us in hopes it finally sticks. Are we doing the right thing?

Thanks in advance.
 

SeaSwallow

Volunteer Moderator
Oct 28, 2019
6,293
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Hello @Worried DIL and welcome to the forum. I am sorry to read about your worries regarding your mother-in-law's possible dementia. If she does have dementia she is unlikely to remember to send you an email regarding the Skype connection no matter how many times you tell her. Would someone else be able to send the email on her behalf, that might resolve the issue.
 

Kevinl

Registered User
Aug 24, 2013
6,710
0
Salford
Hello sue, problem is that the tech thing, well never used Skype and I post on here as as a carer, over 10 years on the site, my mantra is you have to live in there world when they cant live in theirs, no opinion on Skype other than it seems quite intrusive. K
 

Worried DIL

New member
Apr 21, 2024
4
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Hello @Worried DIL and welcome to the forum. I am sorry to read about your worries regarding your mother-in-law's possible dementia. If she does have dementia she is unlikely to remember to send you an email regarding the Skype connection no matter how many times you tell her. Would someone else be able to send the email on her behalf, that might resolve the issue.
That is very true, I guess I never thought of it that way. Thanks for the response, I really appreciate it. Until we convince her to get tested, I’ll leave Skype on. Thanks again.
 

Worried DIL

New member
Apr 21, 2024
4
0
Hello sue, problem is that the tech thing, well never used Skype and I post on here as as a carer, over 10 years on the site, my mantra is you have to live in there world when they cant live in theirs, no opinion on Skype other than it seems quite intrusive. K
I’m trying to get better educated on how to be more patient, compassionate, and understanding. My parents both passed away in their 60’s so I have no experience whatsoever so I know nothing about trying to live in her world. I will definitely take your advice. Thanks for responding.
 

Kevinl

Registered User
Aug 24, 2013
6,710
0
Salford
Well worried DIL I had no experience of being a parent until I became one 30 odd years ago, suddenly i had to learn how to be one.
Likewise I have little experience of being a carer until I became one too.
I'm not comparing AZ bring up children to but to quote what you say patience, compassion and understanding are very much the way forward for both.
Bringing up children is managing asendency,
AZ is the reverse, you're maginging decline.
Whole different ball game. K
 

Lawson58

Registered User
Aug 1, 2014
4,422
0
Victoria, Australia
A lot of people aged in their 80s find technology hard to manage. My husband uses Skype regularly to chat his siblings in UK. They do let each other know by email but is there any reason you couldn’t phone her to remind her to turn it on? We never leave Skype on and can’t imagine why you would need to.
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
74,648
0
73
Dundee
I’m trying to get better educated on how to be more patient, compassionate, and understanding. My parents both passed away in their 60’s so I have no experience whatsoever so I know nothing about trying to live in her world. I will definitely take your advice. Thanks for responding.
Welcome to forum @Worried DIL.

I know it’s hard but I wondered if this would be of any help to you -

 

Worried DIL

New member
Apr 21, 2024
4
0
A lot of people aged in their 80s find technology hard to manage. My husband uses Skype regularly to chat his siblings in UK. They do let each other know by email but is there any reason you couldn’t phone her to remind her to turn it on? We never leave Skype on and can’t imagine why you would need to.
She definitely has a hard time learning new technology (can’t use her cellphone) but we’ve been Skyping for over 10 years now. She leaves her Skype on, we are the ones that turns it off. We Skype every Monday but she doesn’t remember to email us to tell us she wants to Skype on a different day.

Thanks for the response.
 

Jools1402

Registered User
Jan 13, 2024
126
0
Could she possibly phone you beforehand rather than email? She might not remember that either though.
TBH tech can get confusing for a lot of elderly people. I did however find that the inability to learn anything new was one of the first signs of my Mum's dementia. Soon followed by "this (microwave, tv remote, mobile etc) is broken - it doesn't work". It did work of course - mum had just forgotten how to use it.