Looking for advice

[Eleanor Smith]

Hello,
I wonder if I could ask you all for advice. My mum is clearly showing signs of early dementia and has been for about a year now. Her forgetfulness and confusion are increasing and I know I need to take her to the doctors but she just refuses to go with me. It’s tricky because I live 2 hours away from her but I’m going to stay with her today and am hoping to take her to the doctors tomorrow. I’ve tried to orchestrate different opportunities to take her but she refuses. At the end of August she had a annual health review, I spoke to her doctors surgery and voiced my concerns but nothing has been followed up from it. It’s tricky because of patient confidentiality, they can’t disclose anything. I’m worried that she’ll see through my excuses and will panic. I think she already knows that something isn’t right and she’s scared. I’ve tried to read about the process of getting someone diagnosed but I’m not sure how easy it is to get a even get a doctor to assess my mum and what happens from there on? Thank you in advance for your help.

 

[Dare]

Is she aware it was an annual health review? If not you could request a mental health check at home under the guise of annual review.
My uncles go was so useless he didn’t even know his own practice leaflet stated annual home visit for over 75! After he just took my uncle off warfarin I changed his doctor to a fantastic one at my surgery. He did a mental health check along with new patient check. Told me my uncle was not able to deal with his finances and also he was sending him ASAP to hospital for urgent tests. Turned out he had bowel cancer his old go neglected to find and was too far gone by then

 

[Dare]

Sorry sight not good - for go read GP

 

[Sirena]

What reason are you giving her for the doctor's appointment? Something bland like a well woman clinic or an over 70s check might allay her fears. I think if you stay cheerful and upbeat about it (much as you don't feel it), she will be less worried. You need to jolly her along as much as you can.

In terms of the procedure, the GP will probably give her a mini memory test, and then if he deems it necessary refer her to the memory clinic for further tests. At the memory clinic she will see a consultant and/or CPN, and they will also want her to have an MRI scan. Then they then provide a diagnosis (and possibly medication, but not necessarily - my mother has Alzheimers and has never had any medication).

So it is a process with several stages and you will need her co-operation, and someone would need to accompany her to all appointments. Appointment letters will be sent to your mother, and she may throw away them away or conceal them (this was the bane of my life at one stage). I did manage to get agreement that copies of appointment letters would be sent to me, but it was hit and miss. If your mother gives her permission, the GP can speak to you about her, but it sounds as if your mother would be reluctant to do that.

It's common for someone with dementia to resist visiting the doctor, it's understandable she's scared, but hopefully you can encourage her to move forward with this.

 

[karaokePete]

Hello @Eleanor Smith and welcome to the forum. You have come to the right place for information and support.

The best thing to do in this situation is have a chat with your GP and, as has been suggested sometimes arranging something like a 'wellwoman' check-up will work. The GP may not disclose anything but they will usually listen or read notes so it can help to list all concerning behaviours that have been observed.

Many treatable conditions, such as depression, stress, thyroid problems, vitamin deficiencies etc., can cause dementia like symptoms so it's important to have a check-up. Please don't cause additional stress by jumping to the immediate conclusion that it's dementia. On the other hand, if it is dementia then a diagnosis may open up support for you. These points may help with persuasion.

Here is a link to a Society Fact sheet about the diagnosis issue. Just click the second line to read or print the document

Assessment and diagnosis (426)
PDF printable version

Now that you have found us I hope you will keep posting as the membership has vast collective knowledge and experience.

 

[Rosserk]

Hello,
I wonder if I could ask you all for advice. My mum is clearly showing signs of early dementia and has been for about a year now. Her forgetfulness and confusion are increasing and I know I need to take her to the doctors but she just refuses to go with me. It’s tricky because I live 2 hours away from her but I’m going to stay with her today and am hoping to take her to the doctors tomorrow. I’ve tried to orchestrate different opportunities to take her but she refuses. At the end of August she had a annual health review, I spoke to her doctors surgery and voiced my concerns but nothing has been followed up from it. It’s tricky because of patient confidentiality, they can’t disclose anything. I’m worried that she’ll see through my excuses and will panic. I think she already knows that something isn’t right and she’s scared. I’ve tried to read about the process of getting someone diagnosed but I’m not sure how easy it is to get a even get a doctor to assess my mum and what happens from there on? Thank you in advance for your help.

Hi I had exactly the same problem! I spent 6 months trying to get a doctor to see my mother but they kept citing data protection!

In the end I phoned the help line and I was told to ring her surgery and say. I am reporting a vulnerable adult to you she is your responsibility and she is not safe. It is now up to you to make every effort to see her. At first the receptionist was a bit off with me but I told her to pass the message to my mums doctor and I would be following up with an email. I told her in the meantime if anything happens to her I will hold her doctor responsible. Then I hung up and 20 minutes later mums Doctor called. He said he’d pay a visit the following morning. Job done! I’d spent 6 months pulling my hair out!

The doctor knocked on the door next morning and my mum just let him in and they started chatting and that was that the wheels started turning! Mum just said I wonder why he cane round here?

Good luck hope you sort it soon.