Hello
@Ginny Gin, I do empathise with you; trying to get a sibling to help, support or just listen...let alone understand how difficult things can be for their parent/the sibling doing the caring is just that - exhausting. As sole carer all this year for elderly mother, another miserable, tearful day (they sure do come & go) for me today. Toxic brother (as he's become) sends me text after I'd left him message to say mum had fallen/was in casualty, as follows: 'I was going to come up....' (to see mum) '....but A&E say she's been discharged.' ! Poor excuse. He's simply seems unconcerned and is oblivious to new underlying medical issues that likely contributed to mum's fall. He's seen her for 10 days this year and if he can't make the effort, for my sanity, I'm having to curtail most communications with him.
Over past 11 months, I've come to appreciate the fact that siblings may have different values, attitudes to money, opinions about outside help - and having grasped this point, it does sort of help. I read that this type of sibling is referred to as a ‘helicopters’ (swoops in, causes havoc, takes off) or an ‘invisible’ (notable for their absence). I chuckle at this - oh boy, to laugh feels so good....hope you managed a smile at that.
Could it be that your siblings truly don’t get the scale of your commitment? It was suggested to me that the key is to avoid telling your sibling/s what they aren’t doing, and instead tell them what you are doing. I keep a care diary, writing down everything I do/every expense I incur (including financial/pension loss, having given up my career) - albeit this attempt to get brotherly support/help, wasn't successful. Sadly, sometimes siblings just don't want to see the problem. If they can't see it then they don't have to worry about or do anything about it.
Take care.
