Looking for a bit of support...please

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
2,460
My Aged mother is manipulative & ungrateful most of the time, the lack of empathy used to tear me apart. Now it doesn’t pull me like it used to.
I find by treating her childish behaviour as I would a child helps
Not taking the bait, smiling & laughter
Yep I’ve tried it all- I even have my own time out & have been known to vent to perfect strangers!
I keep telling myself this can’t go on forever.......
 

TNJJ

Registered User
May 7, 2019
1,044
cornwall
My Aged mother is manipulative & ungrateful most of the time, the lack of empathy used to tear me apart. Now it doesn’t pull me like it used to.
I find by treating her childish behaviour as I would a child helps
Not taking the bait, smiling & laughter
Yep I’ve tried it all- I even have my own time out & have been known to vent to perfect strangers!
I keep telling myself this can’t go on forever.......
Yes I have a male version of your mum. I keep wondering how much longer. It’s 4 years in January.. Feels so much longgger!
 

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
2,460
Yes I have a male version of your mum. I keep wondering how much longer. It’s 4 years in January.. Feels so much longgger!
Mum keeps saying “what’s going to happen to me”
I asked her why she didn’t think of moving near to her daughter & grandchildren when she moved home 16 years ago
The answer was - “it didn’t cross my mind”

nice!

so on Saturday the road works added to the 5 hour journey time !
Her happiness decided to cancel the carers at lunch & tea time!
Food cooked was refused & then eaten.
Hearing aids sorted &repaired - another hour an a half car journey!

Tesco was granted the pleasure of Aged Mother’s presence & the spirit of Christmas was well & truly bah humbugged!

Aged mother doesn’t like Christmas & can’t see what all the fuss is about! But we will have the pleasure of Mother for four days! Four days!!! Oh dear lord! Let’s hope I’ve stockpiled enough booze to numb myself to her barbs!

mind you I wouldn’t put it past Aged mother to turn around & say I’m not coming!

just don’t let her get snowed in with me please!!!!!!
 

Chrissie B

Registered User
Jan 15, 2019
97
North Yorkshire
So good to hear back from so many of you. Yep, same here that I am LPO both sides. Siblings tend to be on the scene when there's a drama. Mum also shows signs of NPD: Narcissist Personality Disorder.
I do I think know her better than she knows herself. It's tough, exhausting and sad as there are days when she does need that support. But when I stick the boundaries of stepping back as she plays the manipulative card with me. She starts phoning around siblings and on occasion stages falls by lying on the floor should they go over!
This reminds me so much of some of the antics my mother used to pull. It made me cross, I would feel like I was the horrible person (but I guess that was the general idea at the time), and it was embarrassing because I felt that I was being judged by the people she was acting for.
Reading your post is class however, because five years down the road from this stage, I now miss those moments because for one thing she is no longer capable of pulling these stunts, and for another thing, looking back made me see how this looks from an outsiders point of view, you really could write a book of these antics, and one day you will see the funny side of it, because you would be reading it from an outsider's point of view.
The problem I had was that I was convinced that my brothers didn't understand and of course, my mother was on her best behaviour as soon as they appeared, which made me feel that I was a fraud. In actual fact, I found out a lot later, they did, believe me, they did realise that I was having a hard time, but they didn't want to intervene too much, because giving me advice would have been tactless, it was me that had to deal with it, and to be fair, looking on as an outsider for a short time, it is, unfortunately hilarious when you aren't the victim.
I know you probably won't believe me at the moment, but one day you will. If your mother and my mother had been at the same stage of this at the same time, Oscar Awards would be lining our houses from top to bottom.
 

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
2,460
This reminds me so much of some of the antics my mother used to pull. It made me cross, I would feel like I was the horrible person (but I guess that was the general idea at the time), and it was embarrassing because I felt that I was being judged by the people she was acting for.
Reading your post is class however, because five years down the road from this stage, I now miss those moments because for one thing she is no longer capable of pulling these stunts, and for another thing, looking back made me see how this looks from an outsiders point of view, you really could write a book of these antics, and one day you will see the funny side of it, because you would be reading it from an outsider's point of view.
The problem I had was that I was convinced that my brothers didn't understand and of course, my mother was on her best behaviour as soon as they appeared, which made me feel that I was a fraud. In actual fact, I found out a lot later, they did, believe me, they did realise that I was having a hard time, but they didn't want to intervene too much, because giving me advice would have been tactless, it was me that had to deal with it, and to be fair, looking on as an outsider for a short time, it is, unfortunately hilarious when you aren't the victim.
I know you probably won't believe me at the moment, but one day you will. If your mother and my mother had been at the same stage of this at the same time, Oscar Awards would be lining our houses from top to bottom.
Just to cheer you up, on Saturday Aged Mother did her bah humbug routine & even managed to raise eyebrows going around Tesco!! only for the carers to tell me how excited today she is to be spending Christmas with uso_O