Hi! I've been 'on the edge' of talking point for a long while now - I read with interest many posts and frequently seek for information regarding the bigger - and smaller - little things that I've needed to find out - it has been amazing and I concur with many regarding the support I find here, mainly just through reading. I haven't posted as I mainly read whilst on the move, on my phone and therefore not as easy to type - but thank you, wholeheartedly for all everyone offers everyone else on here - it is an immense sources of strength, particularly in the wee night hours!
I introduced myself briefly, I see in 2012, just after mum was diagnosed. Mum is now 70 on Tuesday week and has Alzheimer's. We have trodden the road of care at home for as long as we could - and when my dad and myself finally couldn't juggle the balls any longer - we found the most beautiful and amazing home we could locally and are so pleased with how mum has settled and how she is looked after - we are truly very lucky people to have found where we did - and the care she receives is amazing.
There have been teething problems, of course she tries to escape regularly (it is not a secure unit although she now has a 1:1 carer for much of her waking hours whilst they fully assess her). She has been there for nearly three months now and I count my blessings truly when I visit It I like a home from home and the staff have become 'family' to dad and myself.
My reason for coming on tonight really was to ask of people, how do you look after yourselves? Not necessarily in the practical/self care types of ways - I have good friends and I have lots of opportunity to socialise when I want it (clearly not a lot around two primary aged children, a husband and a full time job of my own in social services) - but I can get 'away' from the secondary caring role so to speak. In finding the 'right' place for mum I felt no guilt - I knew we had done as much as we could, for as long as we could and had we carried on, I would have probably lost my dad to 'caring' - he is older than mum.
Mum, I know, would have told us it was 'OK' and I have (thankfully) no guilt about what we have done or why. We still have three or four visits a week (it is an hour's round trip away but we were happy with that to get the best care).
What I struggle with is the feeling that I am being bereaved - I have lost my 'mum', my dear mama. My kids have lost their 'nanny' and perhaps worst of all my dad has lost his soul mate of 45 years. I feel so desperately sad a lot of the time. I have dreams about her funeral (not horrible ones, but I am just constantly at it!). I cry probably twice most days - but due to circumstance - my eldest daughter is Aspergic and doesn't deal with change well (another reason we had to move mum before things became to bad), I feel I have to 'hide' my emotions most of the time. Never having been a family to express them much before, my dad doesn't chat much either about 'feelings', only practicalities! I feel some days I should go get a counsellor and chat things thru - I tried thru my GP but days and times were so restrictive it interfered too significantly with me either working, seeing mum or caring for the kids, no matter when they said they could see me! (not many anti-social hours appointments that I could make). I have lots of good friends to chat with (I really am very lucky) but I cannot get over this overwhelming feeling of deep sadness. I think to myself, this could be five, ten years - who knows - but mum is physically fit and healthy - other than the fact she is losing weight very fast. I cry almost non-stop when on my own - in the car, in the shower, in the house doing housework. I don't 'expect' this to lessen - I know it is something my head needs to process - but I find it very hard to believe that this can be my 'normal' life on-going - as I have so much I yet want to do with mum - and so many other aspects of my life that need me to be able to function as a 'normal' person. I don't want friends to dread meeting up with me if all I can talk about is mum - but we were so close - and it is such a hard felt loss.
How do you guys put your 'sadness' on hold? And, most of the time, learn to enjoy the positive moments we do have? I'd just be interested......x
I introduced myself briefly, I see in 2012, just after mum was diagnosed. Mum is now 70 on Tuesday week and has Alzheimer's. We have trodden the road of care at home for as long as we could - and when my dad and myself finally couldn't juggle the balls any longer - we found the most beautiful and amazing home we could locally and are so pleased with how mum has settled and how she is looked after - we are truly very lucky people to have found where we did - and the care she receives is amazing.
There have been teething problems, of course she tries to escape regularly (it is not a secure unit although she now has a 1:1 carer for much of her waking hours whilst they fully assess her). She has been there for nearly three months now and I count my blessings truly when I visit It I like a home from home and the staff have become 'family' to dad and myself.
My reason for coming on tonight really was to ask of people, how do you look after yourselves? Not necessarily in the practical/self care types of ways - I have good friends and I have lots of opportunity to socialise when I want it (clearly not a lot around two primary aged children, a husband and a full time job of my own in social services) - but I can get 'away' from the secondary caring role so to speak. In finding the 'right' place for mum I felt no guilt - I knew we had done as much as we could, for as long as we could and had we carried on, I would have probably lost my dad to 'caring' - he is older than mum.
Mum, I know, would have told us it was 'OK' and I have (thankfully) no guilt about what we have done or why. We still have three or four visits a week (it is an hour's round trip away but we were happy with that to get the best care).
What I struggle with is the feeling that I am being bereaved - I have lost my 'mum', my dear mama. My kids have lost their 'nanny' and perhaps worst of all my dad has lost his soul mate of 45 years. I feel so desperately sad a lot of the time. I have dreams about her funeral (not horrible ones, but I am just constantly at it!). I cry probably twice most days - but due to circumstance - my eldest daughter is Aspergic and doesn't deal with change well (another reason we had to move mum before things became to bad), I feel I have to 'hide' my emotions most of the time. Never having been a family to express them much before, my dad doesn't chat much either about 'feelings', only practicalities! I feel some days I should go get a counsellor and chat things thru - I tried thru my GP but days and times were so restrictive it interfered too significantly with me either working, seeing mum or caring for the kids, no matter when they said they could see me! (not many anti-social hours appointments that I could make). I have lots of good friends to chat with (I really am very lucky) but I cannot get over this overwhelming feeling of deep sadness. I think to myself, this could be five, ten years - who knows - but mum is physically fit and healthy - other than the fact she is losing weight very fast. I cry almost non-stop when on my own - in the car, in the shower, in the house doing housework. I don't 'expect' this to lessen - I know it is something my head needs to process - but I find it very hard to believe that this can be my 'normal' life on-going - as I have so much I yet want to do with mum - and so many other aspects of my life that need me to be able to function as a 'normal' person. I don't want friends to dread meeting up with me if all I can talk about is mum - but we were so close - and it is such a hard felt loss.
How do you guys put your 'sadness' on hold? And, most of the time, learn to enjoy the positive moments we do have? I'd just be interested......x