You could be describing my OH
@Basial
It is easy to think that because your husband doesnt need hands-on care, that it is easy. It is not. I have found that having to do everything that I used to do, plus having to do everything that OH used to do is like pushing a quart into a pint pot - there are just not enough hours in the day.
I started off by getting hold of Age UK and accessing their Help at Home scheme, so that I have some one in who does my housework and helps with the laundry. She will also do simple cooking and shopping, but I dont mind doing that. I do have to pay, but if you have the money to do it I found it gives me extra time during the week, got OH used to someone else coming into the house and also it is also nice having someone to actually have a conversation with. Ive been doing this for about a year, now.
About 6 months ago I realised that the reason why OH wasnt showering was because he could no longer remember the sequence of what he had to do. He was also having trouble with getting his clothes on the right way round and was missing bits when shaving, so he now has a carer coming in the mornings to help him wash/shower, dress, shave etc. They will also sort out his catheter and change his bedding. The difference it has made has been a revelation. It has given me more time to do things and I have a window during the day when I dont have to be on full alert wondering what is happening to him, so I can relax. Does it sound sad to say that they are the highlight of my day?
He was also due to start day care, but the lockdown means that it is shut. He will be going once it has opened again. The carers and day care were organised by Social Services following a needs assessment - they will also do a financial assessment to see how much you need to pay (if anything), so dont worry about whether you can afford it. It would be worthwhile phoning SS and asking for a needs assessment now so that the ball is rolling for when things open again.
Our local carers support centre, like
@nae sporran , is holding zoom meetings until the groups can meet again.