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Lonely

Basial

Registered User
Mar 22, 2020
14
0
NEWPORT PAGNELL
It's been a while since I have visited this site as it's been going to spam. It was my husband's birthday on Sunday and I dread to think a year on. He spends his days doing jigsaws or playing games on his phone and tablet. No conversation or sharing events, ideas or suggestions. I do not get any support from agencies, councils. He can dress himself but I have to remind him to shower occasionally, but that is it. The empathy has vanished, I had to have a covid test but no reaction. I have to organise everything and I'm exhausted. I don't know if there is any help and I don't know what will help me. I have no family to call upon. My children are great but they work and have young families. Feeling very isolated
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
63,882
0
69
Dundee
I’m so sorry that things are so bad for you @Basial.

You might find it helpful to have a chat with some in the Admiral Nurses servIce. I believe they are really supportive.


I see you say you have no support from any agencies. It might be worth getting in touch with the local Social Work department and telling them that you are heading for carer breakdown.

Please keep posting here as you will always find someone here to listen and support.
 

nae sporran

Volunteer Host
Oct 29, 2014
7,527
0
Bristol
I feel for you, Basial. It's tough at the moment without support services. My local Carers support centre is running zoom meetings to keep in touch during lockdown. I don't know what is available in your area, but www.carers.org has a search facility to hopefully find you something.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
14,667
0
South coast
You could be describing my OH @Basial

It is easy to think that because your husband doesnt need hands-on care, that it is easy. It is not. I have found that having to do everything that I used to do, plus having to do everything that OH used to do is like pushing a quart into a pint pot - there are just not enough hours in the day.

I started off by getting hold of Age UK and accessing their Help at Home scheme, so that I have some one in who does my housework and helps with the laundry. She will also do simple cooking and shopping, but I dont mind doing that. I do have to pay, but if you have the money to do it I found it gives me extra time during the week, got OH used to someone else coming into the house and also it is also nice having someone to actually have a conversation with. Ive been doing this for about a year, now.

About 6 months ago I realised that the reason why OH wasnt showering was because he could no longer remember the sequence of what he had to do. He was also having trouble with getting his clothes on the right way round and was missing bits when shaving, so he now has a carer coming in the mornings to help him wash/shower, dress, shave etc. They will also sort out his catheter and change his bedding. The difference it has made has been a revelation. It has given me more time to do things and I have a window during the day when I dont have to be on full alert wondering what is happening to him, so I can relax. Does it sound sad to say that they are the highlight of my day?

He was also due to start day care, but the lockdown means that it is shut. He will be going once it has opened again. The carers and day care were organised by Social Services following a needs assessment - they will also do a financial assessment to see how much you need to pay (if anything), so dont worry about whether you can afford it. It would be worthwhile phoning SS and asking for a needs assessment now so that the ball is rolling for when things open again.

Our local carers support centre, like @nae sporran , is holding zoom meetings until the groups can meet again.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
2,367
0
Southampton
i understand and have no input with his care as he can manage washes and i do the rest. my children are the same working with families of their own. i also dont think that its their responsibility although ss etc think it is. he does nothing, not even wordsearches that he was so keen on 6 months ago. the tv is his main source of entertainment. i cant go out due to pain so its trying to maintain a routine. im up really early with pain so i get exhausted. the suggestions of 2 are good as is the forum. is there a local alzheimers society dementia navigator in your area. they are brilliant
 

Basial

Registered User
Mar 22, 2020
14
0
NEWPORT PAGNELL
i understand and have no input with his care as he can manage washes and i do the rest. my children are the same working with families of their own. i also dont think that its their responsibility although ss etc think it is. he does nothing, not even wordsearches that he was so keen on 6 months ago. the tv is his main source of entertainment. i cant go out due to pain so its trying to maintain a routine. im up really early with pain so i get exhausted. the suggestions of 2 are good as is the forum. is there a local alzheimers society dementia navigator in your area. they are brilliant
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