LIVE IN CARER / au pair .. has any one else gone down this path ?

bmw777

Registered User
Feb 10, 2013
238
0
essex
i was thinking about getting a live in carer to help my mum whose dementia is getting worse . so many ins and outs to consider .
TRUST being the biggest one ,
has anyone else had a full time live in carer for their nearest and dearest ?
 

bmw777

Registered User
Feb 10, 2013
238
0
essex
posted on line

i just posted a wanted advert on the internet and have been inundated with offers with in minutes of listing advert !!!!
 

Katrine

Registered User
Jan 20, 2011
2,837
0
England
With respect, would you advertise for a babysitter for a child on the internet?!! :eek:

I would strongly recommend that you look for a suitable agency to provide your carer introductions. There are indeed lots of ins and outs, one of which is do you want to be an employer with responsibility for recruitment, tax, NI, and public liability insurance, checking work visas and references etc. or would you rather engage self-employed professional carers who have been pre-vetted and CRB checked by the agency?

You will, sadly, find many posts on TP about how vulnerable relatives have been taken advantage of by unscrupulous people. If someone is a good, experienced, dementia-trained carer, they will in all likelihood already be registered with an agency. This provides the carer with continuity of bookings, and the security that the client's care requirements and home circumstances have been vetted by the agency. The agency will aim to match the needs of the client to the personality and experience of the live-in carers they send.

Some people do make private arrangements, especially if there is a likely carer who already knows the person to be cared for. This can be ideal, provided that some additional cover arrangements are in place, e.g. from family members.

If you are planning to have someone live in 24/7 then you will need to have more than one 'someone' because people need time off and generally carers only come for a period of 1-4 weeks at a time. I use a national agency to source carers for my mother and this has worked well for us over the last 5 years. PM me if I can provide any further answers to specific questions you have. Kind regards, Katrine
 
Last edited:

Pepper1066

Registered User
Feb 15, 2013
20
0
Wales
Live in care

i was thinking about getting a live in carer to help my mum whose dementia is getting worse . so many ins and outs to consider .
TRUST being the biggest one ,
has anyone else had a full time live in carer for their nearest and dearest ?

Hi
I don't exactly have live in care but have one main career and 2 others they have become my mothers friends .2 nights per wk one sleeps and then I can go out with my husband those nights ,my aunt sometimes sleeps as well to give me a rest
It's hard but between us all we cover 24 hrs a day
I have thought down the same route as you comparing 24hr care at home to a nursing home
I have a private arrangement employing these ladies and it is more cost effective than an agency though its expensive! Do you know of anyone someone could recommend? That's how I found my help
When mam goes to bed the career sleeps in next bedroom
Ss would only give me morn call,afternoon and evening aprox 20/30mins it would never have worked
Mam goes out to shops, socialises with them is in her own home ,potters around friends call in prepares food with a little help.......I think if you can get the right help it can work
If not for ever ,for as long as it works x
 

Pepper1066

Registered User
Feb 15, 2013
20
0
Wales
Live in care

With respect, would you advertise for a babysitter for a child on the internet?!! :eek:

I would strongly recommend that you look for a suitable agency to provide your carer introductions. There are indeed lots of ins and outs, one of which is do you want to be an employer with responsibility for recruitment, tax, NI, and public liability insurance, checking work visas and references etc. or would you rather engage self-employed professional carers who have been pre-vetted and CRB checked by the agency?

You will, sadly, find many posts on TP about how vulnerable relatives have been taken advantage of by unscrupulous people. If someone is a good, experienced, dementia-trained carer, they will in all likelihood already be registered with an agency. This provides the carer with continuity of bookings, and the security that the client's care requirements and home circumstances have been vetted by the agency. The agency will aim to match the needs of the client to the personality and experience of the live-in carers they send.

Some people do make private arrangements, especially if there is a likely carer who already knows the person to be cared for. This can be ideal, provided that some additional cover arrangements are in place, e.g. from family members.

If you are planning to have someone live in 24/7 then you will need to have more than one 'someone' because people need time off and generally carers only come for a period of 1-4 weeks at a time. I use a national agency to source carers for my mother and this has worked well for us over the last 5 years. PM me if I can provide any further answers to specific questions you have. Kind regards, Katrine
Just wanted to point out my mothers careers are crb vetted and known to friends of mine and having 3 as the other lady pointed out gives you flexibility .have you heard of the independant living allowance? If Ss assesses your mother you could apply for that it helps fund some hrs also careers allowance? I can't get that cos I work and earn over £100 a wk
If I can offer any advice by what I've experienced please contact
 

bmw777

Registered User
Feb 10, 2013
238
0
essex
hi , i thought would open the thread with just a general statement .
i really dont know what to do for the best . i cant make a decision .
she is getting to the point where she is going to be dangerous by herself .
i am self employed , but cant concentrate on my life or work .
and wake up every morning thinking about mum . cant sleep at nights for worry ..
it is the crazy the cost of care homes , unfortunatley my parents worked and saved to hard as well . instead of enjoying and just spending their savings .. so i suppose i am putting off the inevitable ! to save the family jewels .
 

sah

Registered User
Apr 20, 2009
332
0
Dorset
If the money is there to pay for care...and I'm not sure that live in care is any cheaper than a home-isn't it best to use it? She will be safe and you can get on with life-which is important as you matter too.
 

PeggySmith

Registered User
Apr 16, 2012
1,683
0
BANES
Hi bmw,

i really dont know what to do for the best . i cant make a decision .
she is getting to the point where she is going to be dangerous by herself .

I'm in the same boat as you. Just dithering... Barry's post about sundowning was incredibly helpful and I think, if she is at home, we can help with that. Still, there's all the other stuff only she dreads the very thought of a care home and.... What if we choose the wrong one?:eek:
 

Chemmy

Registered User
Nov 7, 2011
7,590
0
Yorkshire
so i suppose i am putting off the inevitable ! to save the family jewels .

As far as I was concerned, 'selling the family jewels' meant me and my family got our lives back - and made me far less resentful towards Mum as the care was then shared. Anyway, whilst she was still alive, it was her money, not mine.

You really can't have it both ways but unlike others with no assets, at least you have the choice.
 

bmw777

Registered User
Feb 10, 2013
238
0
essex
i hate life at the moment

i hate life at them moment .
what do i do . mum would not want to go in care home . everyone knows its the place you are going die .but i think she would enjoy the social side of it .
just been ringing a few .:mad: £850 a week plus !!
i cant live there 24 /7
there must be other options ..
anyone up for robbing a bank
 

Sparrows

Registered User
Sep 30, 2011
23
0
i hate life at them moment .
what do i do . mum would not want to go in care home . everyone knows its the place you are going die .but i think she would enjoy the social side of it .
just been ringing a few .:mad: £850 a week plus !!
i cant live there 24 /7
there must be other options ..
anyone up for robbing a bank

My brother has been arguing in favour of the sort of arrangement you are suggesting - and I started a thread on it recently, which got some useful responses - something like "live in care - advice needed" - you could have a look.

But do you know what has made me realise it is impossible - even after fixing all the "safeguarding" issues - this weekend, I spent the weekend with my mum - she never leaves the house alone and is desperately lonely - and mid evening on Saturday she basically had what I can only describe as a nervous breakdown - not that I have seen one before - I posted about it in the middle of the night - as I held her and she wept and shook, it was just obvious that only specialist dementia care will do it - even if she doesn't "want" to go - This from a lady who had spent the afternoon enjoying a cup of tea in marks and spencer - i just kept imagining an untrained au pair (my brother's idea) - it was always going to be a non-starter, but now i feel much clearer in my mind and able to argue against him (that's a whole other story!). I don't blame you thinking about family jewels. We are none of us perfect, but you don't have to find a super expensive home, and I have started doing my homework exploring "immediate care plans". Have a chat with a financial adviser - I talked to someone really kind at the Wealth Partnership" but I expect there are lots of others. She explained how, depending on the size of your mum's income (including state benefits - including non means tested independent living allowance) and her life expectancy, you won't necessarily have to spend the whole value of her house on care home fees - and you get the security of knowing that the money isn't going to run out, no matter how long she lives - although the younger she is, the more expensive it will be. I've been warned to stay away from very expensive homes as even though my mum's house is worth around £200k, and her income, altogether, is close to £16k, she is only 79. Do some homework - you might be surprised what is possible. Xx
 

Pepper1066

Registered User
Feb 15, 2013
20
0
Wales
Care

i hate life at them moment .
what do i do . mum would not want to go in care home . everyone knows its the place you are going die .but i think she would enjoy the social side of it .
just been ringing a few .:mad: £850 a week plus !!
i cant live there 24 /7
there must be other options ..
anyone up for robbing a bank

Hi 1 am in the same position self employed but brother ill aswell...bad day today!
Mam will not want to go into a care home .
And does not have savings only her home which my brother lives in aswell ,but he has been in a medical ward then psychiatric unit on and off since last may if mam goes in to a home whilst he's in there he will blame me!!! It's one mess!!!
I have 3 careers there ,but when not in work i am there and sleep there, can't rest or sleep at mo mam has been difficult today tried to leave at 10.30am but wanted me not careers so stayed till 12
Been on phone or texting to careers most of day feel stressed to hell hates me today !!!
Have to
 

branwen

Registered User
Oct 3, 2010
110
0
My parents were both simultaneously diagnosed with dementia. My mother still had capacity and refused residential care - but was deemed too unsafe to manage without 24/7 care and I live miles away. They had 4 main carers working shifts from a local agency, all crb checked etc. No issues about the care, although I do think my Dad would have enjoyed the more sociable life in residential care, but if you do go down the in-home care route make an inventory of anything valuable, preferably with photographic evidence and /or cctv or recording devices. DO NOT TRUST THEM. All the valuable pieces of my mother's jewelry, other than what she was wearing when she died, disappeared, along with silverware and other items - probably £3000-4000 worth. The carers also began doing the shopping at some point with my mother's debit card and PIN (they didn't tell me - I thought they were still taking her shopping - she refused my repeated offers to do her shopping online). When the LPA came through it showed huge supermarket bills - and when my mother died my father was still apparently getting through £170-180 of groceries a week. I discovered that items were missing from their home while my Dad was dying in hospital - I suspect they waited until my Mother died, knowing my Dad couldn't communicate, so wouldn't be able to tell anyone if he did notice. The carers pretended to be such wonderful trustworthy individuals, all the while stealing and pocketing valuables - including things of huge sentimental value - belonging to two vulnerable people who were dependent on their care. I only hope my parents didn't realise what was going on. DO NOT TRUST THEM AT ALL
 

bmw777

Registered User
Feb 10, 2013
238
0
essex
shocking , just shocking . it seems old people are just ready to ripped off at any opportunity . from scam letters to . over priced nursing homes to so called home carers who pretend to care !! i put an advert on internet to test the water and was inundated with offers .. 3 replys in 10 minutes of make advert !!!!!!
 

FifiMo

Registered User
Feb 10, 2010
4,705
0
Wiltshire
Hiya BMW,

I can understand you thinking of the family jewels, but perhaps you have to look at it another way...you say your parents weren't lavish and built up their nest egg. My thought would be what price your mum's safety, security and, hopefully, contentment. The family jewels don't become available until such time as there is no call on them from your mum's point of view. So, why not give her what she never gave herself. Find her a home that meets her needs, where she might enjoy having people around to give her the attention that she needs. You on the other hand gain the knowledge that she is being well looked after, you are able to give your own job the attention that it needs without being distracted all the time with the need to fulfil a caring role too. It certainly seems to be a win win situation for both you and your mum. With the bonus of course that both of you can meet without all the stresses that you are at at the moment.

You know that if you don't do this that you'll always think about the family jewels and question your actions. We all torture ourselves,no matter what we do don't we?

Fiona
 

Michelle40

Registered User
Aug 11, 2013
1
0
My parents were both simultaneously diagnosed with dementia. My mother still had capacity and refused residential care - but was deemed too unsafe to manage without 24/7 care and I live miles away. They had 4 main carers working shifts from a local agency, all crb checked etc. No issues about the care, although I do think my Dad would have enjoyed the more sociable life in residential care, but if you do go down the in-home care route make an inventory of anything valuable, preferably with photographic evidence and /or cctv or recording devices. DO NOT TRUST THEM. All the valuable pieces of my mother's jewelry, other than what she was wearing when she died, disappeared, along with silverware and other items - probably £3000-4000 worth. The carers also began doing the shopping at some point with my mother's debit card and PIN (they didn't tell me - I thought they were still taking her shopping - she refused my repeated offers to do her shopping online). When the LPA came through it showed huge supermarket bills - and when my mother died my father was still apparently getting through £170-180 of groceries a week. I discovered that items were missing from their home while my Dad was dying in hospital - I suspect they waited until my Mother died, knowing my Dad couldn't communicate, so wouldn't be able to tell anyone if he did notice. The carers pretended to be such wonderful trustworthy individuals, all the while stealing and pocketing valuables - including things of huge sentimental value - belonging to two vulnerable people who were dependent on their care. I only hope my parents didn't realise what was going on. DO NOT TRUST THEM AT ALL

I am so sorry about the pilfering of valuables in your parents' home. I am and have been a Live-In Carer for a good 13 years now. A job that I enjoy very much and get much satisfaction out of. While it is true that there are some unscrupulos carers out there, there are some very good and honest ones too. I would personally advise that all valuables be removed from the property of the client for safe keeping. Sometimes elderly clients put precious things away and never remember where they put them only for the missing items to be found long after a Carer has suffered blame and painful accusations and/or dismissal.
I also suggest providing Carers with a weekly housekeeping allowance and a notebook where all expenditure is recorded and all receipts should be put into an envelope which is handed over when the allowance is topped up.
I hope you (or someone who is new to having a live-in Carer) finds this info useful.
Please don't give up on finding a reliable team of live-in Carers. Some clients thrive in nursing homes but so do the ones whose choice it is to live at home.
 

AntheaC

Registered User
Jun 25, 2013
40
0
tyne and wear
With respect, would you advertise for a babysitter for a child on the internet?!! :eek:

I would strongly recommend that you look for a suitable agency to provide your carer introductions. There are indeed lots of ins and outs, one of which is do you want to be an employer with responsibility for recruitment, tax, NI, and public liability insurance, checking work visas and references etc. or would you rather engage self-employed professional carers who have been pre-vetted and CRB checked by the agency?

You will, sadly, find many posts on TP about how vulnerable relatives have been taken advantage of by unscrupulous people. If someone is a good, experienced, dementia-trained carer, they will in all likelihood already be registered with an agency. This provides the carer with continuity of bookings, and the security that the client's care requirements and home circumstances have been vetted by the agency. The agency will aim to match the needs of the client to the personality and experience of the live-in carers they send.

Some people do make private arrangements, especially if there is a likely carer who already knows the person to be cared for. This can be ideal, provided that some additional cover arrangements are in place, e.g. from family members.

If you are planning to have someone live in 24/7 then you will need to have more than one 'someone' because people need time off and generally carers only come for a period of 1-4 weeks at a time. I use a national agency to source carers for my mother and this has worked well for us over the last 5 years. PM me if I can provide any further answers to specific questions you have. Kind regards, Katrine

can you let me know what agencies you use as we really need to get someone to help with my mum - although we have a great carer for most of the time she needs extra help and as you say holiday cover and I would love to find someone dementia trained as it is difficult when the carer doesn't understand - thank you
 

Varandas

Registered User
Sep 2, 2013
227
0
Hampshire England
I need help finding another carer

Hello Katrine,

I read some of your posts, and wonder if you can your experiences In finding a professional live in Carer. We need another live in Carer to cover for holidays however we have not yet had any luck finding a suitable professional. Can you share some links or information about live in Carers and 'where" to find them.Thanks
All the best
Varandas




QUOTE=Katrine;716670]With respect, would you advertise for a babysitter for a child on the internet?!! :eek:

I would strongly recommend that you look for a suitable agency to provide your carer introductions. There are indeed lots of ins and outs, one of which is do you want to be an employer with responsibility for recruitment, tax, NI, and public liability insurance, checking work visas and references etc. or would you rather engage self-employed professional carers who have been pre-vetted and CRB checked by the agency?

You will, sadly, find many posts on TP about how vulnerable relatives have been taken advantage of by unscrupulous people. If someone is a good, experienced, dementia-trained carer, they will in all likelihood already be registered with an agency. This provides the carer with continuity of bookings, and the security that the client's care requirements and home circumstances have been vetted by the agency. The agency will aim to match the needs of the client to the personality and experience of the live-in carers they send.

Some people do make private arrangements, especially if there is a likely carer who already knows the person to be cared for. This can be ideal, provided that some additional cover arrangements are in place, e.g. from family members.

If you are planning to have someone live in 24/7 then you will need to have more than one 'someone' because people need time off and generally carers only come for a period of 1-4 weeks at a time. I use a national agency to source carers for my mother and this has worked well for us over the last 5 years. PM me if I can provide any further answers to specific questions you have. Kind regards, Katrine[/QUOTE]
 

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