Hello
I have posted on here a few times in the past and had some lovely replies and advice so here I am again! Sorry for the long post.
My mums dementia has progressed and she has 24/7 hour care with 3 different carers and I am about to get a weekend carer plus myself stepping in. I find with all these different carers, I am constantly receiving texts and dealing with different situations. I realise my mum sees me as her safe person and constantly wants my advice and reassurance on things. The carers ask her not to call me but as soon as they leave the room she sneaks the phone into her bedroom and phones me. After a particularly bad episode a couple of weeks ago whereby mum flipped and phoned the police and myself about 30 times we unplugged the phone and told her it was out of order (she had an UTI). The relief of not having the constant phone calls at work and home is immense but mum is agitated because she can't contact me.
My mum still gets herself up in the mornings, washes and dresses herself and can most days prepare her breakfast (2 minute microwave porridge packs) and can potter around doing bits in the house, she sometimes says she wants to be on her own and that she is fine but within 10-15 minutes she gets frightened and anxious hence the live in carers.
She gets bored and wants to do something but there's only so much the carers can do - food shopping, tea and cake at the local garden centre and sometimes she doesn't want to go (again she only wants me).
I feel I am paying a lot of money for her care but I am still very much involved with the admin, speaking to gp and all the other stuff we have to deal with when caring for swd.
I am considering a care home and have found a lovely one that doesn't separate pwd from other residents so there appears to be lots going on and its more chintzy rather than the typical hotel type homes that seem to be more popular.
I have mixed feelings about keeping mum at home and me not being able to 'switch off' as I always seem to be involved and looking at my phone at updates as to what mood mum is in, what she's eaten, whether she's taken her tablets etc etc or putting her in the care home where I think she maybe more stimulated with the activities and other residents to chat to but feeling guilty for putting her there when she doesn't seem too bad a lot of the time.
If she goes into respite with the view of staying there what do I do about her current carers, do I pay them so they don't take another job or risk them finding something else as they will need the money and what if mum hates it after 2 weeks and wants to go home (even though she constantly says she wants to go home now and doesn't recognise where she lives).
As you can see I'm completely confused as what to do for the best for both me and my mum, she seems so bored at home but I think she may hate the care home and want to go 'home'.
She's sometimes so switched on and can talk about all sorts of stuff and sounds fine on the phone but other times so confused.
I have just re read my post and I don't really know what I am asking advice on, I probably just needed to vent and put down in words what I am thinking. Do I try and stick with the carers or try the home...
I have posted on here a few times in the past and had some lovely replies and advice so here I am again! Sorry for the long post.
My mums dementia has progressed and she has 24/7 hour care with 3 different carers and I am about to get a weekend carer plus myself stepping in. I find with all these different carers, I am constantly receiving texts and dealing with different situations. I realise my mum sees me as her safe person and constantly wants my advice and reassurance on things. The carers ask her not to call me but as soon as they leave the room she sneaks the phone into her bedroom and phones me. After a particularly bad episode a couple of weeks ago whereby mum flipped and phoned the police and myself about 30 times we unplugged the phone and told her it was out of order (she had an UTI). The relief of not having the constant phone calls at work and home is immense but mum is agitated because she can't contact me.
My mum still gets herself up in the mornings, washes and dresses herself and can most days prepare her breakfast (2 minute microwave porridge packs) and can potter around doing bits in the house, she sometimes says she wants to be on her own and that she is fine but within 10-15 minutes she gets frightened and anxious hence the live in carers.
She gets bored and wants to do something but there's only so much the carers can do - food shopping, tea and cake at the local garden centre and sometimes she doesn't want to go (again she only wants me).
I feel I am paying a lot of money for her care but I am still very much involved with the admin, speaking to gp and all the other stuff we have to deal with when caring for swd.
I am considering a care home and have found a lovely one that doesn't separate pwd from other residents so there appears to be lots going on and its more chintzy rather than the typical hotel type homes that seem to be more popular.
I have mixed feelings about keeping mum at home and me not being able to 'switch off' as I always seem to be involved and looking at my phone at updates as to what mood mum is in, what she's eaten, whether she's taken her tablets etc etc or putting her in the care home where I think she maybe more stimulated with the activities and other residents to chat to but feeling guilty for putting her there when she doesn't seem too bad a lot of the time.
If she goes into respite with the view of staying there what do I do about her current carers, do I pay them so they don't take another job or risk them finding something else as they will need the money and what if mum hates it after 2 weeks and wants to go home (even though she constantly says she wants to go home now and doesn't recognise where she lives).
As you can see I'm completely confused as what to do for the best for both me and my mum, she seems so bored at home but I think she may hate the care home and want to go 'home'.
She's sometimes so switched on and can talk about all sorts of stuff and sounds fine on the phone but other times so confused.
I have just re read my post and I don't really know what I am asking advice on, I probably just needed to vent and put down in words what I am thinking. Do I try and stick with the carers or try the home...
