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Little lost soul

CollegeGirl

Registered User
Jan 19, 2011
9,524
North East England
My mam seems to be locked in a world of her own. Pacing, pacing, pacing, looking at the floor, one arm trembling, by her side, the other curled up into a claw. Hardly interacting any more. She won't speak at all on a morning. The afternoons are a little better, but she paces all day long, from getting up to going to bed. A dramatic change after tea, and then she won't stop talking - mainly questions, over and over, lots of nonsense.

I asked her today if her hand or arm were hurting her, she had it curled right up, but she said no. But did she even understand what I meant? Is it worth giving her pain killers regularly just in case?

This is utterly heartbreaking.
 

LYN T

Registered User
Aug 30, 2012
6,960
Brixham Devon
Oh CG! How upsetting and heartbreaking to see your Mum like this. Do you think a visit to the GP might be in order re the curled up arm. Has this happened gradually? I hate to write this but from my experience Dementia sufferers can suffer pain-Pete did until his pain relief was sorted out. This could be why she is pacing-but again this could be purely because of the Dementia.How is your Dad coping with all of this?

Love,

Lyn T XX
 

Mafe

Registered User
Feb 5, 2015
3
new

Hello everybody,

My mum has an severe state of dementia but she is still phisically fit ,able to walk long distances, sleeps and goes to toilett with supervision, showers and dresses with supervision. She is being cared in a private residence in Madrid . I live i London and my only brother lives in Dubai. We take her out of the residence when we can and visit regularly. My FATHER DIED THE SAME WEEK THAT MY MOTHER FELL DOWN AND HITTING HER HEAD ACCELERATED ALL THE PROCESS. Nobody told her he died because the neurologist told us not to do it at that moment but somehow she one day mentioned he was gone.
She insists that she wants to go back to hers but we have evaluated the risks and how the sickness is growing, this made us feel horrible but living both abroad, the residence is the safest place for her.
we have been going through extremely extenuating circumstances and I just wonder if it is ok to talk about that with her, about my father,,,
 

CJinUSA

Registered User
Jan 20, 2014
1,121
eastern USA
Hello everybody,

My mum has an severe state of dementia but she is still phisically fit ,able to walk long distances, sleeps and goes to toilett with supervision, showers and dresses with supervision. She is being cared in a private residence in Madrid . I live i London and my only brother lives in Dubai. We take her out of the residence when we can and visit regularly. My FATHER DIED THE SAME WEEK THAT MY MOTHER FELL DOWN AND HITTING HER HEAD ACCELERATED ALL THE PROCESS. Nobody told her he died because the neurologist told us not to do it at that moment but somehow she one day mentioned he was gone.
She insists that she wants to go back to hers but we have evaluated the risks and how the sickness is growing, this made us feel horrible but living both abroad, the residence is the safest place for her.
we have been going through extremely extenuating circumstances and I just wonder if it is ok to talk about that with her, about my father,,,
Hi, Mafe,

To introduce yourself, try starting a new thread. Folks will be responding to CollegeGirl on her thread. If you want replies to your questions, and I'm sure lots of people would like to talk with you, try making a new thread.

My two cents is that I talk with my mother, who lives with us, only when she asks. I don't offer any news, especially difficult news, any longer.

I'm very sorry for your loss of your father and for your mother's condition. Good wishes to you.
 

CJinUSA

Registered User
Jan 20, 2014
1,121
eastern USA
My mam seems to be locked in a world of her own. Pacing, pacing, pacing, looking at the floor, one arm trembling, by her side, the other curled up into a claw. Hardly interacting any more. She won't speak at all on a morning. The afternoons are a little better, but she paces all day long, from getting up to going to bed. A dramatic change after tea, and then she won't stop talking - mainly questions, over and over, lots of nonsense.

I asked her today if her hand or arm were hurting her, she had it curled right up, but she said no. But did she even understand what I meant? Is it worth giving her pain killers regularly just in case?

This is utterly heartbreaking.
O, College Girl, I'm sorry. As I understand the different kinds of dementia, I believe the odd contortions of limbs (feet and legs can also be involved) occurs toward the later stages. I don't really think there is much that can be done about it. I'm so sorry. How is your father getting on? I'm sorry to hear it's gone this far already for you. I'm watching for similar signs with my mother. She no longer moves her feet well and doesn't understand our directions to "walk your feet," so we'll be seeing this soon, I believe, sadly.
 

lin1

Registered User
Jan 14, 2010
9,319
East Kent
Hello everybody,

My mum has an severe state of dementia but she is still phisically fit ,able to walk long distances, sleeps and goes to toilett with supervision, showers and dresses with supervision. She is being cared in a private residence in Madrid . I live i London and my only brother lives in Dubai. We take her out of the residence when we can and visit regularly. My FATHER DIED THE SAME WEEK THAT MY MOTHER FELL DOWN AND HITTING HER HEAD ACCELERATED ALL THE PROCESS. Nobody told her he died because the neurologist told us not to do it at that moment but somehow she one day mentioned he was gone.
She insists that she wants to go back to hers but we have evaluated the risks and how the sickness is growing, this made us feel horrible but living both abroad, the residence is the safest place for her.
we have been going through extremely extenuating circumstances and I just wonder if it is ok to talk about that with her, about my father,,,
Hello Welcome to TP.
I am sorry you lost your Dad and Your mum has this horrid Illness.
I agree with CjinUsa that you will get more replies in your own thread
We have various different forums , you can see them all if you click on Forum home .near top left.
Here is a link to one that you may find suitable
If you copy your post
http://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/forumdisplay.php?70-I-care-for-a-person-with-dementia
just click on post new thread , in the gray box to the right, choose a title . Then paste

I look forward to seeing you around the forums.

I
 

Anongirl

Registered User
Aug 8, 2012
2,668
Hi CG, only just seen your post. My mum does the same, some days she won't sit at all. She even holds her arm curled up in the same way. She's started to hunch over too. It is horrible to watch.

Sometimes she simply sits in a chair, mostly unresponsive except for the odd smile or look of recognition (I live for those). She can change from hour to hour.

I know how you feel ((xxx))

P.s when I ask mum if she has pain she always says "yes". I can't tell but I think the way she holds herself certainly must cause her pain.
 
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CollegeGirl

Registered User
Jan 19, 2011
9,524
North East England
Thank you everyone. I'm sorry AG that your mum is the same. It is awful. CJ, Lyn and Kassy, thank you for your posts. Mafe, welcome and I hope you do start your own thread in order to access the wonderful support here.

It's as though life goes on around my poor mam while she is locked into her own world where she must keep moving. If you block where she wants to be, she'll say 'excuse me' but other than that she doesn't interact. Occasionally she'll answer dad if he asks her if she's okay but most of the time doesn't. I couldn't persuade her to sit down yesterday, not even with a biscuit and a cuppa - she just took the biscuit and continued pacing. Her hand wasn't curled up as much, though. I tried my best but she just wouldn't sit.

As hard as this is to watch, I have to be honest with myself and admit that despite the heartache, it is much easier to cope with, and more bearable, than the seeming hatred, nastiness, verbal abuse and even violence that she displayed before.

Now, it's easier to be sympathetic and loving towards her. And surely it's easier on mam, too, that she's not in a state of anguish all the time?
 

Anongirl

Registered User
Aug 8, 2012
2,668
It's strange but suddenly my mum seems to have caught up to your mum, perhaps even overtaken her a little.

I visited last night and apparently she had been walking around all day. The other residents were complaining about it! I just walked with her for about half an hour. She wasn't as hunched over though. Still holding that left arm curled up though. She was a little more responsive but struggled to say an awful lot.

She also had a very nasty black eye because apparently she keeps walking into things. Something else to worry about :rolleyes:

She too seems calmer these days too, she seemed quite content in her own little world. That's the only positive x
 

LYN T

Registered User
Aug 30, 2012
6,960
Brixham Devon
As hard as this is to watch, I have to be honest with myself and admit that despite the heartache, it is much easier to cope with, and more bearable, than the seeming hatred, nastiness, verbal abuse and even violence that she displayed before.

Now, it's easier to be sympathetic and loving towards her. And surely it's easier on mam, too, that she's not in a state of anguish all the time?
Oh CG! I felt this too when Pete had quieter moments. I used to hate it when Pete was in a state of anguish. It's horrible to watch-and awful to be on the receiving end of violence.

Thinking of you and your family

Love

Lyn T X
 

Ash148

Registered User
Jan 1, 2014
274
Dublin, Ireland
Dear CollegeGirl, my sympathies for you and your mum and dad.

My mum paces continually too, and as she only sleeps a couple of hours a night, that's a lot of time to spend walking.

Mum was put on a transdermal pain patch in December - it's called Butrans and I've seen other posts about it. It hasn't stopped her pacing but she is less agitated. Undiagnosed pain seems to be a big issue in dementia so if the pacing is new and different from her behaviour before, pain medication might help.
 

CollegeGirl

Registered User
Jan 19, 2011
9,524
North East England
Thank you everyone.

Ash, I will mention this to dad when I see them today, thank you.

It feels like she's not a part of me any more :( and she would be totally devastated if she knew. Mam and I didn't always see eye to eye but I never doubted her love and devotion to me. She would have fought to the death for me and given me the last penny she had, if I'd needed it, and it's so hard knowing that that person has gone. All I can do now is show her love and kindness. I can't share the bad or the good times with her any more.

And so now I'm filling up.