Like Walking Through Thick Mud.

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by Georgiaj23, Feb 5, 2015.

  1. Georgiaj23

    Georgiaj23 Registered User

    Feb 5, 2015
    2
    I'm totally new to this so feel a bit awkward.
    He drains me, physically and mentally. Don't know many people round here and kids have their own kids ( except youngest who,is at UCL ). Can't be bothered to get up and get moving lately. Lots of ideas but I can't do them.
    Sorry for pathetic moaning. No one to talk to.
     
  2. chris53

    chris53 Registered User

    Nov 9, 2009
    2,929
    London
    Hello Georgiaj23,a warm welcome to you to Talking Point, please don't ever feel awkward here, much understanding and support available from us as carers and who are people that care, so talk when you need always someone around here all day,all week:eek: we can feel so alone even surrounded by people...dementia invades our lives and those we care about:eek: I hope you are getting enough support from your GP in this difficult part of your life..our helpline may be of help to you..herewith the link
    http://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/faq.php?faq=resources#faq_resources_helpline
    Take care
    Chris
     
  3. Chuggalug

    Chuggalug Registered User

    Mar 24, 2014
    8,007
    Norfolk
    #3 Chuggalug, Feb 8, 2015
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 9, 2015
    That's why I go silent a bit more often these days, Georgia. As I'm typing this, there's a dreadful row outside. Some sort of aircraft, I think. Phew, but it's loud! (Can't they make that row during the day, 'stead of the middle of the night? Nag, nag!)

    Really feel for you and hope you pull through it soon. I've just come out of a depression myself. Sympathy and empathy, xx
     
  4. chick1962

    chick1962 Registered User

    Apr 3, 2014
    11,282
    Female
    near Folkestone
    #4 chick1962, Feb 9, 2015
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 9, 2015
    I do get you Chuggalug . Humour to mask the sadness inside and holding the real feelings back! Your post really touched me my lovely huge hugs to you xxxx


    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
     
  5. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    59,947
    Female
    Dundee
    You're not pathetic and you're not moaning! I'm glad you have found TP and I'm sure you will find lots of people here to talk to. You will find lots of help and support. There are other members who have young children and I hope they will pop in and share their experiences with you.

    Take care.
     
  6. marionq

    marionq Registered User

    Apr 24, 2013
    5,907
    Female
    Scotland
    Talking helps

    Last week I took part in research by the Scottish Govt, one of the universities, and Alz Scotland. I was interviewed while John sat upstairs and read his paper with one of the carers we know. I intended to be very measured in my responses but the dam burst almost immediately and for an hour it poured forth. Yesterday I got the transcript emailed to me for correction. OMG I must have talked their ears off! But you know what, it was all true and much of the pros and cons I learned here on TP. It did me a lot of good and although I was emotionally drained afterwards I would do it again.

    I have never had counselling but I guess it would work the same way. You need to get all of this stuff out and aired no matter how uncomfortable you make the listener. Be careful with friends and family though as you need them to stick around and no one can take too much of this.
     
  7. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,895
    Kent
    Hello Georgia

    Welcome to the Fold.

    We have all been there and I have bared my soul on TP.

    It is not pathetic moaning, it`s offloading rather than screaming or having a nervous breakdown.
    It`s talking to people who know, people who care and people who are in similar situations.

    Keep talking Georgia. It won`t solve your problems or make your OH better but it will give you support, information and friendship.
     
  8. pamann

    pamann Registered User

    Oct 28, 2013
    2,635
    Kent
    Welcome Georgia l agree with Grannie G she has so much experience, post whenever you feel stressed there will always be someone to help and advise you take care ♡♡♡
     
  9. Ladybird23

    Ladybird23 Registered User

    Feb 28, 2014
    127
    Georgia, know how you feel. I was in a position many years ago, in a new country with a new born son, hubby away for most week days, weeks... months.....Didn't know anyone in the block.... my neighbours were working, so the days were spent just getting more black. I had to go to the SSAFA sister to get help which is not like me at all.

    My hubby got me a bike and that opened up my world and me and my son could get out and about. It saved me. I went to the local coffee shop and met other mums and the world was my oyster!! Well within peddling power!!! Many were like me, did not know anyone etc. but we all had one thing in common, we were lonely and wanted someone to chat to.
    I hope you find the courage to get out and hope all goes well.
     
  10. CollegeGirl

    CollegeGirl Registered User

    Jan 19, 2011
    9,525
    North East England
    A warm welcome from me too, Georgia, and I hope you'll find the forum as supportive and helpful as I do.

    None of us see your post as moaning, and we have all had to offload to each other at times. It's good to get things off your chest, isn't it? Even if there is no real answer, bottling things up just feels worse.

    Do keep posting, there is always someone around :).
     
  11. Scarlett123

    Scarlett123 Registered User

    Apr 30, 2013
    3,802
    Essex
    A huge welcome from me too. :) Never, ever think that expressing your feelings will be viewed as moaning, or ranting, or anything remotely like that. We're all here propping each other up, when we need it, and doing our own share of propping when we can.

    When life seems dark, just knowing that others understand, even if they can't do anything, is a huge help.
     
  12. Chuggalug

    Chuggalug Registered User

    Mar 24, 2014
    8,007
    Norfolk
    Ah Chick. Feelings, eh? Actually, I'm having a bit of a time of it on the blog. There's a load of us Christians sharing stuff together, and it's awesome. I've just put a story up on it myself a little while ago. Made me think of things that have happened, over the last few years which, if they hadn't...well, let's just say I wouldn't be writing this, right now.

    Life is good, Chick. Very, very good. Love to you, xxx
     
  13. chick1962

    chick1962 Registered User

    Apr 3, 2014
    11,282
    Female
    near Folkestone
    I'm so glad it is Chuggalug I always find writing helps started writing a diary in 1978 and kept it up every year since! Sometimes I laugh out loud when I read them specially the ones when I was a teenager ! Maybe write my life story one day


    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
     
  14. Chuggalug

    Chuggalug Registered User

    Mar 24, 2014
    8,007
    Norfolk
    I take it back. It's turned into an absolute riot tonight. (Grits teeth!) Anyway, this thread belongs to someone else. Better be off! Thanks Chick.
     
  15. Grey Lad

    Grey Lad Registered User

    Sep 12, 2014
    5,736
    North East Lincs
    Hi Georgia a belated welcome to T P. One of our carers said of stroke recovery:'it's like walking uphill through mud with ski boots on'. The difference between stroke and dementia is there is hope of improvement: with dementia there is none. So I wonder how she would describe dementia? I hope you find T P as helpful as I have done. G L
     
  16. truth24

    truth24 Registered User

    Oct 13, 2013
    5,725
    North Somerset
    Thinking of you all and wishing you a peaceful day.

    Sent from my GT-N5110
     
  17. mabbs

    mabbs Registered User

    Dec 1, 2014
    238
    Lancashire
    Georgia, just read your post, it could have been me writing it, sometimes I cant even find the energy to come onto TP, but then when I do, there is such help and support, make the most of the good days, and try and get some quality rest, pour out your feelings on here, you will find you will feel better, and there is always someone to 'talk' to. Thinking of you take care x
     
  18. Georgiaj23

    Georgiaj23 Registered User

    Feb 5, 2015
    2
    Thank you all. It's been a good day today. Been to the grandchildren. Brought the twins back with us . They are asleep now. OH will,behave himself while they are here.it's when we are on our own. He is so manipulative, but I am learning to be gently firm. I am going out. If he wants to come he can. If not I am still going. How hard that is when he looks so sad and lonely. I'm Sure he feels it, but when our friend john sits with him he has no interest In where I am or where I'm going. I know he needs me ( or someone) to keep him 'here' to remind him what todo, to explain the TV programmes. But I need some space. Depression is with me all the time now. Up,to,2 tablets, which I hate. I am in pain. I am disabled. He used to look after me.
    If you think of love as deposits in your bank you can't keep withdrawing you must have new deposits or you'll go in the red ( depression ) Too far into the red leads to bankruptcy...( breakdown)...


    Sent from my iPad using Talking Point
     
  19. esmeralda

    esmeralda Registered User

    Nov 27, 2014
    3,072
    Devon
    Hi Georgia, it sounds as though your situation is so very diffficult. Have you had a
    Carer's assessment? It's very difficult if you are feeling so tired and struggling to do anything, but is there any chance of your OH getting Respite Care to give you a real break? Do you belong to any Carer's groups? Perhaps a support worker could help you to tackle SS. It really sounds as though you fear you won't be able to carry on very much longer.
    Love Es
    x
     

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