My Gran passed away recently. She lived with my family for 10 years. I loved her and my Gran loved me. However I'm also feeling a lot of resentment.
She took sooooooooooooooo much (time, sleep, energy (and health reserves) from my family and caring for her took a large chunk of my youth and left me in an awful state, which other people now judge me for (anxiety problems etc.).
Most of the time life was truly hellish (for example clearing up poo from all over the house and cleaning her (whilst instructing her not to smear poo in my hair); waking up at night multiple times (my parents were once up 16 times in one night); being sworn at, kicked, hit; at one point (for about 2 years) we spent every evening trying to calm her down from psychotic states. More recently she had less severe mental symptoms but was very ill physically. My family could not leave her for more than 5 minutes. I lost most of my twenties to all this- while friends were developing their careers, marrying, having kids. I feel gutted about that and sad about that, as well as sad about losing her.
She took sooooooooooooooo much (time, sleep, energy (and health reserves) from my family and caring for her took a large chunk of my youth and left me in an awful state, which other people now judge me for (anxiety problems etc.).
Most of the time life was truly hellish (for example clearing up poo from all over the house and cleaning her (whilst instructing her not to smear poo in my hair); waking up at night multiple times (my parents were once up 16 times in one night); being sworn at, kicked, hit; at one point (for about 2 years) we spent every evening trying to calm her down from psychotic states. More recently she had less severe mental symptoms but was very ill physically. My family could not leave her for more than 5 minutes. I lost most of my twenties to all this- while friends were developing their careers, marrying, having kids. I feel gutted about that and sad about that, as well as sad about losing her.