Latest Update...


Registered User
Jan 5, 2007
Ok, this is the latest grateul for any advice.
Dad has been properly diagnosed with Vascular Dementia...god knows how long
it's taken but hey we got there in the end...anyway the Doctor and the local CPN have been out to see him twice so they are taking a bit of interest. The thing is Dad is getting very awkward...he's refusing to go to any day care centres point if's or but's about Mum has just been diagnosed with a prolapsed womb and I'm going with her on regular hospital visits to see what can be done...we haven't told my Dad as he worries about his own hospital appointments so we don't want to add to them...problem is, when she goes anywhere...and I mean anywhere without him, even if it's just to the bathroom, he follows her and wants to know why she's gone there...he doesn't like her going out without him...and sometimes she has to...he's taken to going through private drawers and finding letters that have nothing to do with him and getting nasty when the explanation doesn't suit him....he's started to see people in the house from years ago...insisting they have been staying and why didn't we tell him they had left....these people he see's have never been to this country..ever. If my Mum has to go into hospital my brother and I will be staying with him but he seems not to know us very well anymore and just wants my mum...I was wondering would his Doctor prescribe him some sort of calming tablet to get him through the time my mum might be away....I just don't know what to do for the best anymore...he sits around all day moaning that they took his driving licence away and that he can't work anymore...he's up at 5am and goes to bed at the
same time each night 7.30pm...sorry to say this but he's just a walking vegetable...he has nothing to live for...


Registered User
Mar 6, 2007
Wigan, Lancs
Dear MillyP,

You don't say if your Dad has been prescibed any medication for his dementia. My Dad has been prescribed Ebixa, which he has now been taking for 3 months ( he has both vascular dementia and Alzheimers). We think there is an improvement but not sure.

He also gets very agitated and will not accept help outside the family. The consultant told us on Tuesday that there are very good 'calm me down' pills but my Mum is reluctant for him to take these in case they make him more confused. He was previously on anti depressants which we felt did add to his confusion.
My mum is his main carer and we have to respect her decision... for the time being.

I am sure you will get good advice here from people who have more experience than me and from the professionals if you ask.

Sue xx


Registered User
May 14, 2006
Dear Millie,
My Mum also has vascular dementia and she has hallucinations too. When she was alone in her own house they were really frightening for her, but there is medication which can help. She did become very dependent on me and we had a lot of problems with her sense of time being completely wrong. She'd get up in the early hours of the morning and go to bed in the afternoon, but the routine of a care home did help.
Although she is now in a nursing home after a fall, she is fairly settled, but still says strange things. I've learnt to live with it and take each day as it comes. Ask your GP for a carer's assessment, so that Social Services are aware of the problems and can suggest help, such as day care or respite care. It can take time to organise, so see the GP as soon as possible.
There seem to be a lot of ups and downs with dementia, so things may improve for a time or vary from day to day. The AS fact sheets on vascular dementia are quite heplful and TP will also give support and information.
Take care of yourself,
Best wishes


Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
SW Scotland
Hi MillyP

I can't advise you about VD, I've no experience of it, but from reading posts here I know it can be very difficult to cope with.

Apart from the medication Sue suggested, have you contacted Social Services? Your mum should have a carer's assessment to find out what help she can expect. She should at least have someone to give her a break.

I'm afraid it's fairly normal for them not to want to be separated from the primary carer. My husband is exactly the same. But your mum does need some time to herself, especially if she is ill.

If she does have to have a hysterectomy, she won't be fit to care for your dad for at least six weeks after the op, so you need to make sure you have care sorted well in advance.

As for tranqillisers, I don't know. You really have to consult your mum's GP, as he will know the effect they might have.

Good luck. Let us know how you get, your experience will help others.