Hi. I’ll try keep this short. The care assessment sent to care homes by the social worker state that dad was diagnosed with schizophrenia in 2017. It mentions how it caused dad to be arrested for stalking a female neighbour. I’m not happy this has been mentioned in the assessment as it was many years ago and there have been no issues since. I’m worried care homes will read that and decide they don’t want someone diagnosed with such a condition, or if like me, they see the word ‘stalking’ and think of a man following females around and being threatening or frightening. This was not the case.
I attended the court case and the lady he was ‘stalking’ actually said she did not expect or want dad to be arrested. She was surprised he’d been arrested. In Scotland, however, it only takes for you to do something more than once after being asked not to and it goes down as stalking.
Now, I was increasingly aware that dads mind wasn’t normal and his solicitor had him assessed for mental reasons to make sure he understood why he was going to court etc. He was assessed as fit for court. But diagnosed as having late onset paranoid schizophrenia at age 75.
Dad moved in with me during court and ended up staying for over a year, uninvited. Dad believed he couldn’t go home and that the court order details amounted to that. This was not the case. Everyone was aware his mind wasn’t normal and the court order simply said stay within a certain distance from his neighbours garden. Dad is a very ‘detailed’ man. He’d look up plans of the land around their houses and measure the width of his path outside his front door and came to the conclusion he was 2 feet too close to the neughbours garden so would not be able to step over the path into his front door. Putting exact measurement on an order was the worst thing a judge could do unless it was indeed exact and precise. My dad takes things to the word and is a retired planning officer. The order did not say dad could not return home. Several times dad would pack his car saying he was returning to Scotland, (I’m 500 miles away, single parent), would then come back into the house to do something, then never actually go home, leaving his car packed to the roof of stuff he’d collected and purchased while here. I now realise he’d just forgotten and all those strange actions or non actions were most like the Alzheimer’s setting in. The paranoia however, and hearing voices and the stress from that was more over powering than any dementia symptoms I’d noticed so it took some time for dad to be diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. Especially as he had no-one living with him to notice/ report such prior to the issues with the neighbour and diagnosis of schizophrenia. Over time, his dementia symptoms became obvious from phone calls and visits I’d made to Scotland.
Dads ‘stalking’ by the way, amounted to no more than dad constantly offering to do things for his neighbour. Take her bins out. Take her bins in. Cut her grass. Do her weeding. Offer to help her little boy with his outdoor homework. Etc. He’d also made it known to the young lady that he liked her more than just a friend. She cut his hair and they’d chat away. She asked him many many times not to keep offering to do stuff and stay away. It made her uncomfortable and she was starting to find dad really annoying, which I can totally understand. Dad wasn’t getting the message. He’s always been a man who doesn’t like bad feelings between people and wanting to ‘resolve’ things when the other person isn’t interested in ‘resolving’, they just want it to stop. And I dare say, his Alzheimers short term memory loss wasn’t helping him to remember she’d asked him to stay away. Or that he’d already tried to ‘resolve’ things.
She was much younger, in her late 20’s with a young son. Dad believed (was convinced) that she liked him too. He told me she’d talk about things whilst cutting his hair that he wouldn’t expect a young lady to talk about with an older man so he assumed she was interested in him. She’d ask him personal stuff about his relationship with mum before passing etc. I think it was just a generational thing. Anyway, he clearly was delusional as she’d asked him to stop going round to offer to do stuff. It was very unfortunate this ended up with dad being put in handcuffs and in to a cell for the night. There was no need for handcuffs. Dad agreed’ she had kept going round to offer to do stuff and gave chocolates for her boy at Christmas etc. and so he was charged. I was in shock. Dad never, ever got over that. He totally didn’t accept the diagnosis and I have to say, I too felt that way. I believe dad had undiagnosed Alzheimer’s which caused him to hear voices and the voices understandably made him paranoid and delusional. On his eventual return home, the paranoia got worse. He believed all the neughbours hated him and wanted him gone. Other neighbours were at the court case and they were all quite kind about dad and had nothing bad to say other than they were aware the lady was having problems with dad always going round there etc. Anyway, I eventually managed to get home care for dad and this is when things improved. Finally he was taking medication and it worked. No paranoia or delusions or hallucinations in a year. No memory of the court case or the issue between him and this lady. But social services have said dad remembers it clearly. They seem to have copied and pasted info from old out of date previous assessments when dad did remember the court case, prior to medication and it really affected him badly. He felt everyone thought he was a bad person and he couldn’t accept being called a stalker. It was heartbreaking. The social worker also says dad goes to an all man’s day centre which she named. He doesn’t. He goes to a mixed gender day centre (always preferring company of women over men) and has had glowing reviews from them. I’m worried care homes will just see the words schizophrenia. Stalker and think of all the females in their care. Dads just not like that. All the professionals and visitors tell me he’s a pleasure. A real gentleman etc. he now gets frustrated with caters due to nobody ‘curing’ his incontinence and can get angry as a result so understandably this is mentioned too. Using words likes he’s becoming more aggressive with carers. When I spoke with his psychiatrist a year ago, before he retired, I asked if dad had 2 diagnosis now or just one and which one should I be using to get dad the correct care and he said Alzheimer’s. Not schizophrenia. Yet the social worker has mentioned it. Can I contact care himes and explain the situation? I dint want them getting the wrong idea?
I attended the court case and the lady he was ‘stalking’ actually said she did not expect or want dad to be arrested. She was surprised he’d been arrested. In Scotland, however, it only takes for you to do something more than once after being asked not to and it goes down as stalking.
Now, I was increasingly aware that dads mind wasn’t normal and his solicitor had him assessed for mental reasons to make sure he understood why he was going to court etc. He was assessed as fit for court. But diagnosed as having late onset paranoid schizophrenia at age 75.
Dad moved in with me during court and ended up staying for over a year, uninvited. Dad believed he couldn’t go home and that the court order details amounted to that. This was not the case. Everyone was aware his mind wasn’t normal and the court order simply said stay within a certain distance from his neighbours garden. Dad is a very ‘detailed’ man. He’d look up plans of the land around their houses and measure the width of his path outside his front door and came to the conclusion he was 2 feet too close to the neughbours garden so would not be able to step over the path into his front door. Putting exact measurement on an order was the worst thing a judge could do unless it was indeed exact and precise. My dad takes things to the word and is a retired planning officer. The order did not say dad could not return home. Several times dad would pack his car saying he was returning to Scotland, (I’m 500 miles away, single parent), would then come back into the house to do something, then never actually go home, leaving his car packed to the roof of stuff he’d collected and purchased while here. I now realise he’d just forgotten and all those strange actions or non actions were most like the Alzheimer’s setting in. The paranoia however, and hearing voices and the stress from that was more over powering than any dementia symptoms I’d noticed so it took some time for dad to be diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. Especially as he had no-one living with him to notice/ report such prior to the issues with the neighbour and diagnosis of schizophrenia. Over time, his dementia symptoms became obvious from phone calls and visits I’d made to Scotland.
Dads ‘stalking’ by the way, amounted to no more than dad constantly offering to do things for his neighbour. Take her bins out. Take her bins in. Cut her grass. Do her weeding. Offer to help her little boy with his outdoor homework. Etc. He’d also made it known to the young lady that he liked her more than just a friend. She cut his hair and they’d chat away. She asked him many many times not to keep offering to do stuff and stay away. It made her uncomfortable and she was starting to find dad really annoying, which I can totally understand. Dad wasn’t getting the message. He’s always been a man who doesn’t like bad feelings between people and wanting to ‘resolve’ things when the other person isn’t interested in ‘resolving’, they just want it to stop. And I dare say, his Alzheimers short term memory loss wasn’t helping him to remember she’d asked him to stay away. Or that he’d already tried to ‘resolve’ things.
She was much younger, in her late 20’s with a young son. Dad believed (was convinced) that she liked him too. He told me she’d talk about things whilst cutting his hair that he wouldn’t expect a young lady to talk about with an older man so he assumed she was interested in him. She’d ask him personal stuff about his relationship with mum before passing etc. I think it was just a generational thing. Anyway, he clearly was delusional as she’d asked him to stop going round to offer to do stuff. It was very unfortunate this ended up with dad being put in handcuffs and in to a cell for the night. There was no need for handcuffs. Dad agreed’ she had kept going round to offer to do stuff and gave chocolates for her boy at Christmas etc. and so he was charged. I was in shock. Dad never, ever got over that. He totally didn’t accept the diagnosis and I have to say, I too felt that way. I believe dad had undiagnosed Alzheimer’s which caused him to hear voices and the voices understandably made him paranoid and delusional. On his eventual return home, the paranoia got worse. He believed all the neughbours hated him and wanted him gone. Other neighbours were at the court case and they were all quite kind about dad and had nothing bad to say other than they were aware the lady was having problems with dad always going round there etc. Anyway, I eventually managed to get home care for dad and this is when things improved. Finally he was taking medication and it worked. No paranoia or delusions or hallucinations in a year. No memory of the court case or the issue between him and this lady. But social services have said dad remembers it clearly. They seem to have copied and pasted info from old out of date previous assessments when dad did remember the court case, prior to medication and it really affected him badly. He felt everyone thought he was a bad person and he couldn’t accept being called a stalker. It was heartbreaking. The social worker also says dad goes to an all man’s day centre which she named. He doesn’t. He goes to a mixed gender day centre (always preferring company of women over men) and has had glowing reviews from them. I’m worried care homes will just see the words schizophrenia. Stalker and think of all the females in their care. Dads just not like that. All the professionals and visitors tell me he’s a pleasure. A real gentleman etc. he now gets frustrated with caters due to nobody ‘curing’ his incontinence and can get angry as a result so understandably this is mentioned too. Using words likes he’s becoming more aggressive with carers. When I spoke with his psychiatrist a year ago, before he retired, I asked if dad had 2 diagnosis now or just one and which one should I be using to get dad the correct care and he said Alzheimer’s. Not schizophrenia. Yet the social worker has mentioned it. Can I contact care himes and explain the situation? I dint want them getting the wrong idea?
