Hi Ela,
I wonder what sort of other support you have? Do you have other family who can relieve you perhaps a day or two each week? If not then I do believe you need extra help from Social Services and it is possible to have an assessment of both your Dad's needs and your own as a carer. TBH even with other help there is no harm in getting an assessment.
I think you should also see your own GP so that they are aware of the situation and how difficult things are.
From the assessment you may get your Dad to a day care at least one or two days each week (you could persuade him by calling it his Club).
This is a factsheet which explains more about it for people living in Wales:
Thank you. I went to see a dementia support worker on Monday. She was very helpful and things will be put into place as time goes by. I am going to attend monthly meeting of the Alz Soc Carers Support Group as of Monday.
My father should go to a local day hospital twice a week but he refuses to go. He currently attends a twice-weekly memory course clinic, he has done four of seven weeks. He won't join any of the other activities that have been suggested.
I am going to be attending a stress control group, too. I live in my parents' house at the moment, so my mother is here but she is not of much practical help - and is actually detrimental to my own sanity! She refuses to let my father be told of his condition, though he must have some inkling, given all the appointments he has to attend. Our GP is aware of the situation.
I think that when I am as tired as I am now, everything just seems worse. I just can't make my father understand that I need some sleep. And I know that I am banging my head against a brick wall.
Oh Ella. I can TOTALLY relate with your tiredness. My mom since a while ago tends to have many day time naps with the result that she became super active during the night time hours. I have already had insomnia problems since I was a child so just *have* to get at least 3-4 hours if I have to take care of Mom. Though she would have no clue how to set the alarm on her clock - she would switch the lights on in her bedroom so that she can see what time it is. (Her clock was literally inches away from where she sleeps plus it has luminescent numbers.) But yes, she is struggling to see anything now....
Because I am such a super light sleeper anyhow, with her switching on the lights constantly during the night - I could not function at all anymore. I eventually took her alarm clock away and replaced it with a HUGE wall clock which has glowing numbers on it (It needs to be plugged into the electricity socket) so that she can see what time it is without having to switch on the light. Is there no way you can turn your dad's alarm off before you go to bed without discussing it with him? Or at least turn the alarm down in volume? Sorry, perhaps you have already tried all of these things - maybe I am just clutching at straws for you because I KNOW what it's like to be a carer who never gets any/enough sleep!
I know it's risky for Mom but after her Geriatric Specialist took one look at how mentally and physically exhausted I am - he suggested that I buy ear plugs with the highest noise blocking factor. I did so and believe me - for me it has been a god send. A jumbo jet could take off from within my bedroom and I would hear nothing! They have literally been a life saver for me. I know that we actually should listen to what our loved ones do during the night time hours but things became SO critical due to no sleep that I decided that if I collapse from a heart attack or stroke due to being so tired all the time - it was the ear plugs and I would just let Mom do her wandering at night.
If you cannot get these memory foam ear plugs - factor 33 in the UK - if you would like to try them - just let me know and I will post some to you with the greatest of pleasure as I know what it feels like to be 'dead' on your feet due to lack of sleep!
Wishing you loads of strength and courage on this difficult journey...
Colette xoxo