1. Testona

    Testona Registered User

    Jul 21, 2015
    29
    Abergavenny
    I feel like crying. My father - who has either vascular dementia, or mixed dementia, we are waiting for a final diagnosis - is obsessed with time. Today I have to take him to an appointment at 10.45. He woke me up at 06.45. I am so tired I can barely see.

    He could no longer set his alarm clock, so I got him a simple one. He couldn't always set that either, so he asks me to check it every night. It had a bell like a fire engine, and he would get up before it went off, but wouldn't turn it off, so it would wake me when it went off and I would have to get up and turn it off. I changed it for a quieter version, but it can still wake me up. He insists on setting it every day, even on a Sunday. Even if I beg him not to set it, he says he won't and then does it anyway.

    I know this is going to get worse. Dealing with him on a daily basis is tough, but this constant tiredness is making it worse.
     
  2. Chuggalug

    Chuggalug Registered User

    Mar 24, 2014
    8,007
    Norfolk
    Dear ElaMorg; so many of us have been through this, or are going through it now. I do hope someone comes on here to encourage you as to what may be helpful to you.

    Sleep deprivation has to be one of the worst things carers face. I sincerely hope you can get good advice, perhaps from your GP, as you cannot care effectively if you are tired.
     
  3. Testona

    Testona Registered User

    Jul 21, 2015
    29
    Abergavenny
    Thank you. I just felt desperate. The alarm is set for 08.15 and this is the first time in about two weeks that I have slept beyond 06.00. I felt like crying when he woke me and I saw the time!
     
  4. Jessbow

    Jessbow Registered User

    Hide the clock, break the clock....accidentally drop it in the washing up water when you are setting it.
    Invest in a plug in lamp timer, set the lamp to come on when its time to get up. Its an indicator for him, which might be enough to pacify him and it wont wake you if he is safe being up and about on his own.
    Invest in a blackout blind- lkeep his room realy dark if you can
    Learn to keep quiet about appointments until after breakfast *on the day* then just tell him and go.

    Sleep deprivation is like torture
     
  5. Testona

    Testona Registered User

    Jul 21, 2015
    29
    Abergavenny
    it is! The lamp timer is a great idea. I'll look for one. So far he is ok to be up on his own.
    I'm afraid keeping quiet about appointments won't work at the moment as he is obsessed. He checks constantly. Everything is written on a calendar in the kitchen, and backed up in a diary I got him. He now wants separate lists. 'To be on the safe side'.
     
  6. marionq

    marionq Registered User

    Apr 24, 2013
    5,680
    Female
    Scotland
    Huge sympathy for anyone in this situation. Zopiclone worked for my husband topped off after some months by Trazodone. No side effects from either but we do get a decent nights sleep.
     
  7. Testona

    Testona Registered User

    Jul 21, 2015
    29
    Abergavenny
    My father manages to sleep quite a lot! It's just that he wants to wake everyone else up!
     
  8. Testona

    Testona Registered User

    Jul 21, 2015
    29
    Abergavenny
    At the moment, I don't know how to get through the day. I have to go to a funeral at 15.00. Maybe I can get a little rest after I bring my father back from his appointment.
     
  9. BeckyJan

    BeckyJan Registered User

    Nov 28, 2005
    18,972
    Derbyshire
    Hi Ela,
    I wonder what sort of other support you have? Do you have other family who can relieve you perhaps a day or two each week? If not then I do believe you need extra help from Social Services and it is possible to have an assessment of both your Dad's needs and your own as a carer. TBH even with other help there is no harm in getting an assessment.

    I think you should also see your own GP so that they are aware of the situation and how difficult things are.

    From the assessment you may get your Dad to a day care at least one or two days each week (you could persuade him by calling it his Club).

    This is a factsheet which explains more about it for people living in Wales:
    http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/site/scripts/documents_info.php?documentID=2974
     
  10. Jessbow

    Jessbow Registered User

    Don't write on the calendar, don't write it in the diary! He' terrified he'll forget, don't fuel it - nothing to remember, nothing to fret about.
     
  11. Testona

    Testona Registered User

    Jul 21, 2015
    29
    Abergavenny
     
  12. Testona

    Testona Registered User

    Jul 21, 2015
    29
    Abergavenny
    I'll have to come up with a way to wean him off the calendar!
     
  13. Tin

    Tin Registered User

    May 18, 2014
    4,829
    UK
    When he asks you to check if the alarm is set, will he notice if you turn it off? The chances are that he is awake before it goes off anyway. At some point you will get 'creative' when dealing with the obsessive side of Dementia.
     
  14. Testona

    Testona Registered User

    Jul 21, 2015
    29
    Abergavenny
    He always wakes before it goes off. Then he gets up without unsetting it and it wakes me up. I will have to do s you suggest and then hope that he doesn't manage to reset it.
    I have been trying to get some rest after bringing him back from the doctor but I am too wound up.
    I am supposed to be going to a funeral later, but I can't see me making it. I was supposed to be taking my parents and a friend of theirs. The friend is coming here by car and I am too exhausted to think straight, but they will have to sort themselves out. I am at that point of tiredness where even small things seem insurmountable.
     
  15. arielsmelody

    arielsmelody Registered User

    Jul 16, 2015
    511
    Does he come to your room to wake you up? I wonder if a big DO NOT DISTURB sign on your door would help?
     
  16. skaface

    skaface Registered User

    Jul 18, 2011
    108
    Ramsgate
    This is what I do these days - up until a few months ago I had to ring my mum to remind her about appointments and again on the day to tell her I was on my way to pick her up in plenty of time for her to get ready.

    Now I just arrive over an hour before we need to leave, remind her then and then encourage her to get ready. Thankfully I don't live with my mother and I'm told that it's not a good idea now because it would upset her routine.

    I hope you get some relief soon, I'm useless when I don't have enough sleep, though the antidepressants tend to knock me out for the night.
     
  17. Testona

    Testona Registered User

    Jul 21, 2015
    29
    Abergavenny
    He did this morning. This is a new thing. The sign might help, but on the other hand he seems to be St the stage where he doesn't see what he is looking at.
    I made it to the funeral I had to go to, but cannot attend the wake. My brother has left his dog here for two nights and I am almost hysterical through lack of sleep.
     
  18. Leolady56

    Leolady56 Registered User

    Aug 9, 2014
    44
    South Africa
    Sleepless Ella

     
  19. Johnny5

    Johnny5 Registered User

    May 3, 2015
    8
    I really sympathise with the OP. I would also be inclined to put a lock on your bedroom door and see how your dad reacts. He may bang on it to begin with and try and open it, but he may get the message later on and leave you alone. A lock on our bedroom door has definitely improved our sleep when dad is around.

    You may also try going to sleep at a similar time to your dad and waking up with him?

    I sincerely hope you manage to get something sorted so you feel more recharged.
    Johnny5
     
  20. Rageddy Anne

    Rageddy Anne Registered User

    Feb 21, 2013
    5,990
    Cotswolds
    If he's forgetful he won't understand your need for more sleep, and would probably get upset and even frightened over locked doors and earplugs.

    Could you perhaps stay overnight at a friend's house for a proper nights sleep?
     

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