We have done 3 care homes and had 3 different hospital admissions in the last 8 months. My father was Sectioned in August and remained in hospital until the end of November whereupon he was transferred to a local unit. In December he was granted continuing care and despite losing a favoured Aunt also at the end of November I have coped. The new unit he has gone to is great and whilst the environment is not fabulous the staff are in general very caring and extremely friendly. I relaxed to some extent until Christmas Day when he had another mini stroke and could not walk. He has not been able to speak for about 2 years now. Just lately he is becoming increasingly scared of eveyone and everything. This morning I was called by one of the doctors to tell me that they are having major problem in dealing with his personal care and getting him dressed. I have tried ot help as much as I can by buying new stretchy clothes and shaving him and cutting his hair so that they don't have to deal with those matters. They now want to change his drugs and to introduce Lorazepam to help sedate him a little. They have however warned me that this may make him less inhibited or indeed may make him agressive. It could also just sedate him. They won't know until they try. My heart feels like it is bleeding all the time at the moment and I have been very tearful over the last couple of days. The person I want to talk to is my Mum but she died 2 years ago next Tuesday. I have no other family around to help me and two young children to keep going for but I feel I am slipping into a pool of misery. I can't bear it that my own father is often terrified of me until he stares at me for a prolonged period and the penny finally drops. I know that I shouldn't but I dread going to see him as I don't know what I am going to face. It is also awful watching those around him deteriorate as well I am shocked that I suddenly feel like this as I have been ok up until now. How much more have I got to see and deal with?
Keep trying to be positive but am losing the battle
- Thread starter pippin_fort
- Start date
I am so sorry for you pippin_fort. Watching someone you love deteriorate slowly is bad enough. Watching them being fearful is heartbreaking.
I`m one who believes medication is justified if it eases pain, or alleviates anger, aggression, fear or deep anxiety.
My husband was medicated to calm him. It was difficult getting the dose right but once it was he was much calmer and easier to be with. Now he is off the medication and is content.
You are happy with the care your father is receiving so discuss with the doctors the best way forwards and allow them to try to help him.
I`m one who believes medication is justified if it eases pain, or alleviates anger, aggression, fear or deep anxiety.
My husband was medicated to calm him. It was difficult getting the dose right but once it was he was much calmer and easier to be with. Now he is off the medication and is content.
You are happy with the care your father is receiving so discuss with the doctors the best way forwards and allow them to try to help him.
you have all my sympathy. I do agree that intelligently-used and monitored medication/sedatives can be very kind. To see and feel one's parent's terror is a terrible pain. Yes you do dread visiting ... but sometimes the visit you find hardest to make is the one that turns out sweetest ... you can never tell. My mother had has breakdowns all her life - she is now in a carehome with bipolar disorder and a dementia. (She resists all investigations.) And in my journey through psychiatric units and carehomes I have seen some terrible things but also some wonderful things and I am coming to believe that when my mother does die (there is absolutely no sign of that) the sorrows will not have been the whole story.
Hi,
I'm so sorry to hear all you have been and are going through.
Obviously, you are concerned for your father - no doubt about that - but I'd like to ask it you have you spoken with your doctor about how you are feeling? I hope you don't mind me saying but I think your heart problem and change in mood does not sound good and think that perhaps you should get your blood pressure taken as a starter. May be work with your doctor to schedule some regular counselling sessions during which time your children could be in a creche/childminder/friends? Just half an hour a week with somebody to talk with may make a difference to you and help you cope with this particularly difficult time?
Sorry if I haven't been of any help.
I'm so sorry to hear all you have been and are going through.
Obviously, you are concerned for your father - no doubt about that - but I'd like to ask it you have you spoken with your doctor about how you are feeling? I hope you don't mind me saying but I think your heart problem and change in mood does not sound good and think that perhaps you should get your blood pressure taken as a starter. May be work with your doctor to schedule some regular counselling sessions during which time your children could be in a creche/childminder/friends? Just half an hour a week with somebody to talk with may make a difference to you and help you cope with this particularly difficult time?
Sorry if I haven't been of any help.
Such a sad thread. I have had many a time where all I feel is despair and hopelessness.
I can't speak from personal experience, as my mum never showed any signs of aggression and she was always so compliant, but it doesn't take a second to imagine that were she like your dad, how that would break my heart. My mum often looked scared, and that was so hard to take. I would try to reassure her, but it was like trying to tell a small child that the world isn't big and scary...when left alone to face it.
I missed my dad when he died and we were left alone to look after mum. Losing one parent is horrific, but when the remaining one has dementia, it's like a double whammy. I do empathise, but just wish I could give you some answers.
I suppose, if it were me, I would try to have faith in the professionals and allow them to try, as they say they must, with a change in medication. Things are awful as they are, so a new awful may be ahead, but on the other hand, a new change (better one) may also be round the corner.
All you can do is try. Things as they are are too sad, and too hard. Cross bridges...then see what's on the other side. They're not always as bad as we think...
Keep talking to us, so that we may keep you going through such a difficult time, xxx
I can't speak from personal experience, as my mum never showed any signs of aggression and she was always so compliant, but it doesn't take a second to imagine that were she like your dad, how that would break my heart. My mum often looked scared, and that was so hard to take. I would try to reassure her, but it was like trying to tell a small child that the world isn't big and scary...when left alone to face it.
I missed my dad when he died and we were left alone to look after mum. Losing one parent is horrific, but when the remaining one has dementia, it's like a double whammy. I do empathise, but just wish I could give you some answers.
I suppose, if it were me, I would try to have faith in the professionals and allow them to try, as they say they must, with a change in medication. Things are awful as they are, so a new awful may be ahead, but on the other hand, a new change (better one) may also be round the corner.
All you can do is try. Things as they are are too sad, and too hard. Cross bridges...then see what's on the other side. They're not always as bad as we think...
Keep talking to us, so that we may keep you going through such a difficult time, xxx
