1. White Rose

    White Rose Registered User

    Nov 4, 2018
    123
    Oh dear Avis you are having such a bad time, can't you find out about putting your husband into a care home because honestly you just need to have a life of your own before it's too late. My partner (we're not married) is not so bad as your husband yet, we can still go for walks and he is rarely nasty or agressive, just moody and needy and sometimes if he's in a bad mood he will swear at me under his breath. But of course I've no idea how the illness will develop. In your case isn't it time you got selfish and said enough is enough, you've given a lifetime to your husband.
     
  2. White Rose

    White Rose Registered User

    Nov 4, 2018
    123
    Thank you Kennyboy - yes if only people knew how hard it is, perhaps we all need to get together and write a book!
     
  3. Lladro

    Lladro Registered User

    May 1, 2019
    74
    My goodness, how good does it feel to be able to "Vent" to people who actually "get it"! Well done you ! I have just read the original Vent, identified with nearly all of it and also the other replies too! Thank you everyone - Loads of ((((((((hugs))))))) There is a lot of love out there
     
  4. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    1,880
    I keep saying I should write a book but no one would believe it wasn’t fiction!
     
  5. Avis

    Avis Registered User

    Nov 2, 2019
    65
    I keep telling myself that he needs to go into care and then he is fine for a few hours and I can bring myself to do it. I know that the homes don't have the staff to look after each person as carefully as you can at home and I can't bare to think he would not be changed or showered regularly. I know the staff are really committed and care for their clients but there are not enough of them to go around. Our daughter works in one of the really good homes and even they cannot guarantee that a resident can be showered daily let alone changed four or five times a day. It is all so complicated and upsetting. I hope your partner never gets as bad as bad as mine and that you can enjoy his company on his good days.
     
  6. Avis

    Avis Registered User

    Nov 2, 2019
    65
    I don't know whose mood swings are worse here at the moment. After a few days of hell I am getting a stroppy as he is. I know that a lot of the time it is the dementia talking but it is so hard when he is packing his toiletries to go on a trip at midnight, and wants a glass to pee into instead of the toilet. He insisted that the toilet was in a certain part of the house where there was a solid wall. Holy heck - I am not Harry Potter and this is not platform 9 3/4; our walls do not open up.If I was Harry Potter I would put on the invisibility cloak and huddle under it for a few weeks. Those "egg shell moments" you speak of are very common at our place and when he has an "episode" he has absolutely no memory of it at all so he thinks I make things up. Still we have run away from our charges or done them in so we must be doing something right. The Pope should cannonise every one who looks after a dementia patient.
     
  7. Avis

    Avis Registered User

    Nov 2, 2019
    65
    Maybe we should all submit a few of the weirdest or most frustrating episodes that we have experienced. You have to laugh, other wise it is all too depressing.
     
  8. TNJJ

    TNJJ Registered User

    May 7, 2019
    783
    Female
    cornwall
    I love the Harry Potter scenario.It made me laugh but I completely understand.I find it difficult to get through the “eggshell “ moments as like your OH my dad has forgotten.
    Meanwhile I haven’t and I’m still trying to let it go,without losing my patience completely.. I’m sure my blood pressure is probably sky high at that point.
     
  9. TNJJ

    TNJJ Registered User

    May 7, 2019
    783
    Female
    cornwall
    My dad has gone into respite for 2 weeks and last night was the first night for years that I haven’t had thoughts going through my head.

    Dad will have a bath once a week as he cannot at home.But here they have all the equipment.
    Have you thought of respite ? Avis?
     
  10. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    1,880
    Lovin the Harry Potter quotes!

    made me smile x
     
  11. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    1,880

    Oh where to begin....

    Being propositioned by Dad infront of OH?

    Aged mother asking where C is when I’m sat right by her?

    Dads surprise that I’m married... has grandchildren.... he’s married....


    oh I couldn’t choose.......
     
  12. White Rose

    White Rose Registered User

    Nov 4, 2018
    123
    Well you haven't lost your sense of humour anyway Avis! Know what you mean about care homes not caring for them as well as we do at home, that will be a problem for me too and I'm sure I'll put it off, maybe get carers in at home to help out, no idea yet. It would be worth you trying respite though, if only to remember what life was like without the constant demands!
     

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