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Just venting.....

White Rose

Registered User
Nov 4, 2018
543
Are you sure you don't have my husband there? This sounds just like him but mine can't walk more than a few step. He wants his shoes because he is going out, even though it is bed time - once he wanted to put them under his pillow. He tells me to shut up if I ask what he is doing but if I am out of his sight he is staggering after me or calling out. Tonight he got up and almost fell so I got his walker for him and helped him to the toilet; two seconds later her was coming back."Don't you need the toilet," I asked. "I need a glass," he snapped at me. "Why,?" "I need something to pee in," he snarled. "You pee in the toilet," I said. "Shut up. What would you know" he snarled then using his walker staggered back and sat in his lift chair. He immediately go up and went back to the toilet - which he used this time before falling over in the hall. "If you had have let me go when I wanted to I wouldn't have fallen over.". I could just give up sometimes. I feel like my life is being stolen from me. By the time he passes on or goes into care I will be too old to do most of things I would like to be doing. I hope you don't mind me ranting away and venting on your "rant" but I know exactly how you feel. xx
Oh dear Avis you are having such a bad time, can't you find out about putting your husband into a care home because honestly you just need to have a life of your own before it's too late. My partner (we're not married) is not so bad as your husband yet, we can still go for walks and he is rarely nasty or agressive, just moody and needy and sometimes if he's in a bad mood he will swear at me under his breath. But of course I've no idea how the illness will develop. In your case isn't it time you got selfish and said enough is enough, you've given a lifetime to your husband.
 

White Rose

Registered User
Nov 4, 2018
543
Hello White Rose, I know exactly what you mean, my husband and myself are caring for my sons Nan, she constantly demands attention and if she is not the centre of attention then she is not happy, she constantly wakes us up at 4.30 am she can do her breakfast herself it’s just cereal which we put ready the night before, she got up at 4.30 this morning and went down to get her breakfast but came into our room at 5.10 am and said you have to get up, I told my husband to stay in bed no point in both of us being up, I have repeatedly told her it’s too early to get up but she won’t listen. My son and his brother took her out Saturday and my son brought his daughters up yesterday, they both work very long hours and at 6 this morning she asking when they are coming, I’ve told her they are in work but this doesn’t sink in, she can be very nasty and aggressive which for me is the most difficult thing. I think you have to carry on with your life and accept that your husband is in the right place, looking after a PWD is very very hard and demanding and unless you have done it you have no idea, wishing you peace and acceptance for the future
Thank you Kennyboy - yes if only people knew how hard it is, perhaps we all need to get together and write a book!
 

Lladro

Registered User
May 1, 2019
123
My goodness, how good does it feel to be able to "Vent" to people who actually "get it"! Well done you ! I have just read the original Vent, identified with nearly all of it and also the other replies too! Thank you everyone - Loads of ((((((((hugs))))))) There is a lot of love out there
 

Avis

Registered User
Nov 2, 2019
106
Oh dear Avis you are having such a bad time, can't you find out about putting your husband into a care home because honestly you just need to have a life of your own before it's too late. My partner (we're not married) is not so bad as your husband yet, we can still go for walks and he is rarely nasty or agressive, just moody and needy and sometimes if he's in a bad mood he will swear at me under his breath. But of course I've no idea how the illness will develop. In your case isn't it time you got selfish and said enough is enough, you've given a lifetime to your husband.
I keep telling myself that he needs to go into care and then he is fine for a few hours and I can bring myself to do it. I know that the homes don't have the staff to look after each person as carefully as you can at home and I can't bare to think he would not be changed or showered regularly. I know the staff are really committed and care for their clients but there are not enough of them to go around. Our daughter works in one of the really good homes and even they cannot guarantee that a resident can be showered daily let alone changed four or five times a day. It is all so complicated and upsetting. I hope your partner never gets as bad as bad as mine and that you can enjoy his company on his good days.
 

Avis

Registered User
Nov 2, 2019
106
I find I can cope with most things looking after dad.But what I find difficult are the moods and the stroppiness.”Eggshell moments “That is the most difficult.
I don't know whose mood swings are worse here at the moment. After a few days of hell I am getting a stroppy as he is. I know that a lot of the time it is the dementia talking but it is so hard when he is packing his toiletries to go on a trip at midnight, and wants a glass to pee into instead of the toilet. He insisted that the toilet was in a certain part of the house where there was a solid wall. Holy heck - I am not Harry Potter and this is not platform 9 3/4; our walls do not open up.If I was Harry Potter I would put on the invisibility cloak and huddle under it for a few weeks. Those "egg shell moments" you speak of are very common at our place and when he has an "episode" he has absolutely no memory of it at all so he thinks I make things up. Still we have run away from our charges or done them in so we must be doing something right. The Pope should cannonise every one who looks after a dementia patient.
 

Avis

Registered User
Nov 2, 2019
106
I keep saying I should write a book but no one would believe it wasn’t fiction!
Maybe we should all submit a few of the weirdest or most frustrating episodes that we have experienced. You have to laugh, other wise it is all too depressing.
 

TNJJ

Registered User
May 7, 2019
1,399
cornwall
I don't know whose mood swings are worse here at the moment. After a few days of hell I am getting a stroppy as he is. I know that a lot of the time it is the dementia talking but it is so hard when he is packing his toiletries to go on a trip at midnight, and wants a glass to pee into instead of the toilet. He insisted that the toilet was in a certain part of the house where there was a solid wall. Holy heck - I am not Harry Potter and this is not platform 9 3/4; our walls do not open up.If I was Harry Potter I would put on the invisibility cloak and huddle under it for a few weeks. Those "egg shell moments" you speak of are very common at our place and when he has an "episode" he has absolutely no memory of it at all so he thinks I make things up. Still we have run away from our charges or done them in so we must be doing something right. The Pope should cannonise every one who looks after a dementia patient.
I love the Harry Potter scenario.It made me laugh but I completely understand.I find it difficult to get through the “eggshell “ moments as like your OH my dad has forgotten.
Meanwhile I haven’t and I’m still trying to let it go,without losing my patience completely.. I’m sure my blood pressure is probably sky high at that point.
 

TNJJ

Registered User
May 7, 2019
1,399
cornwall
My dad has gone into respite for 2 weeks and last night was the first night for years that I haven’t had thoughts going through my head.

Dad will have a bath once a week as he cannot at home.But here they have all the equipment.
Have you thought of respite ? Avis?
 

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
2,660
Maybe we should all submit a few of the weirdest or most frustrating episodes that we have experienced. You have to laugh, other wise it is all too depressing.

Oh where to begin....

Being propositioned by Dad infront of OH?

Aged mother asking where C is when I’m sat right by her?

Dads surprise that I’m married... has grandchildren.... he’s married....


oh I couldn’t choose.......
 

White Rose

Registered User
Nov 4, 2018
543
I don't know whose mood swings are worse here at the moment. After a few days of hell I am getting a stroppy as he is. I know that a lot of the time it is the dementia talking but it is so hard when he is packing his toiletries to go on a trip at midnight, and wants a glass to pee into instead of the toilet. He insisted that the toilet was in a certain part of the house where there was a solid wall. Holy heck - I am not Harry Potter and this is not platform 9 3/4; our walls do not open up.If I was Harry Potter I would put on the invisibility cloak and huddle under it for a few weeks. Those "egg shell moments" you speak of are very common at our place and when he has an "episode" he has absolutely no memory of it at all so he thinks I make things up. Still we have run away from our charges or done them in so we must be doing something right. The Pope should cannonise every one who looks after a dementia patient.
Well you haven't lost your sense of humour anyway Avis! Know what you mean about care homes not caring for them as well as we do at home, that will be a problem for me too and I'm sure I'll put it off, maybe get carers in at home to help out, no idea yet. It would be worth you trying respite though, if only to remember what life was like without the constant demands!
 

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