She's been there for a year. The home and staff are really nice, but Mum never has any idea where she is or what's going on. Memory now reduced to about 10 mins (VascD). Every time I visit she spends most of the visit/conversation repeatedly asking me where she is and why, what will happen when I leave, where she will have her dinner, how she will know when it's bed time, where she will sleep. Around and around, as if it's only me who can reassure her on these things. I reply patiently to each question, try so hard to steer the conversation away, bring in photos and try to use them to spark discussion about the past. Works for a few minutes and then she drifts away from the topic and we're back onto Where do I sleep? and Where did I wake up this morning etc etc.
I am so sad for her to be reduced to this and to be in such a state of confusion, but I'm also now starting to dread visiting and having this whole routine of the same questions and reassurance for the whole visit, same word-for-word each time.
The worst is when I get up to leave. We may, if I'm lucky, have actually got onto some form of conversation that makes her feel content, but when I have to say that I'm going her face falls, there's a mild panic and off we go again on reassuring her where she is and that there are people there especially to look after her. I have to time my visits now to allow a good 20 mins of this after I say goodbye. She is also now starting to lose inhibitions. Before, while in her right mind, Mum would be very kind and considerate always. Now I'm starting to get 'Why are you leaving me here?" "It's not right to leave me alone" "Why can't I come and sleep with you" and, best of all, "I could sleep in your car. I'd rather do that than stay here"
Taking Mum out is also now largely starting to be irrelevant, seeming now to add more to her confusion. I took her to the garden centre yesterday, accompanied her to the loo and I could tell she was quite panicked about being in a strange loo. I have really started to query if she gets any benefit from going out now, but it does at least break the repetitive conversation a bit. Maybe it's for my benefit ...
Yesterday was sad and difficult, and at the moment I feel I can't drag myself there again for a a good while. I don't visit all that often - once in the week and once at the weekend.
So any advice or practical help very welcome, esp for getting the conversation away from her worries into something that she might enjoy talking about, also for my exit strategy!! I have considered at times just telling Mum that I am popping downstairs/to the loo/to the car for a minute (at which she is always fine) and then leaving without saying goodbye. I have no idea whatsoever if she would be upset or if she would forget within 5 mins that I had been there at all (there's the rub ...)
Feeling so down about it. I have given a hearty prayer to God this Christmas/New Year that mum should not have to endure another year like this last
I am so sad for her to be reduced to this and to be in such a state of confusion, but I'm also now starting to dread visiting and having this whole routine of the same questions and reassurance for the whole visit, same word-for-word each time.
The worst is when I get up to leave. We may, if I'm lucky, have actually got onto some form of conversation that makes her feel content, but when I have to say that I'm going her face falls, there's a mild panic and off we go again on reassuring her where she is and that there are people there especially to look after her. I have to time my visits now to allow a good 20 mins of this after I say goodbye. She is also now starting to lose inhibitions. Before, while in her right mind, Mum would be very kind and considerate always. Now I'm starting to get 'Why are you leaving me here?" "It's not right to leave me alone" "Why can't I come and sleep with you" and, best of all, "I could sleep in your car. I'd rather do that than stay here"
Taking Mum out is also now largely starting to be irrelevant, seeming now to add more to her confusion. I took her to the garden centre yesterday, accompanied her to the loo and I could tell she was quite panicked about being in a strange loo. I have really started to query if she gets any benefit from going out now, but it does at least break the repetitive conversation a bit. Maybe it's for my benefit ...
Yesterday was sad and difficult, and at the moment I feel I can't drag myself there again for a a good while. I don't visit all that often - once in the week and once at the weekend.
So any advice or practical help very welcome, esp for getting the conversation away from her worries into something that she might enjoy talking about, also for my exit strategy!! I have considered at times just telling Mum that I am popping downstairs/to the loo/to the car for a minute (at which she is always fine) and then leaving without saying goodbye. I have no idea whatsoever if she would be upset or if she would forget within 5 mins that I had been there at all (there's the rub ...)
Feeling so down about it. I have given a hearty prayer to God this Christmas/New Year that mum should not have to endure another year like this last