I've been avoiding this part of TP, but I think it's time to accept it...

[Palerider]

The visits change as time goes by, now they are more difficult. There is no doubt my mum is now on the end of the downward spiral. She is still quite amazing in some ways, but all recognition is gone, and her physical contracture is now worse than ever -it's a miracle she continues to shuffle round and round the corridors when she's not snoozing. Her spine a chest deformity is now severe, her chin almost touching her chest constantly -it's painful to witness. It's a small wonder that she has not already succumb to a pneumonia and I think the only reason why is because at the moment she can still just about mobilize. I feel quite helpless and also lost in what if anything I can do.

 

[Little moth]

@Palerider , my heart goes out to you. Watching a loved one deteriorate is so hard but somehow we get some inner strength.
Best wishes
Lm

 

[Grannie G]

It`s seven years since you joined DTP @Palerider so your mum has done well to maintain her mobility, however painful it is for you to see her walking.

It`s probably tougher on you than it is on her

 

[Jaded'n'faded]

Your mum is a tough lady!

I guess the time to worry is when she stops walking...

 

[Palerider]

It`s seven years since you joined DTP @Palerider so your mum has done well to maintain her mobility, however painful it is for you to see her walking.

It`s probably tougher on you than it is on her

Thanks @Grannie G this time round the issue is not the mobility, its all the other signs that are becoming increasingly obvious especially contracture. Sometimes ignorance truly is bliss but after 30 years in acute care I am not exactly ignorant -I wish I was on this occasion.

The guys have started giving mum a tipple of brandy which helps calml her and rest plus it just so happens she did like a brandy or two. She is on buprnorphine for her osteoarthritic pain which is likely one of the main reasons why she trys to mobilise (osteoarthritic pain is worse at rest as oppsed to rheumatoid which is worse on mobilising). I had a long chat with her nurse as well and she is in agreement that the changes now are quite significant other than her ability to still try and mobilise

 

[GillP]

Such difficult times @Palerider. I hope you continue to find the resilience you have shown in supporting your Mum. Be kind to yourself.

 

[Palerider]

Well mum is quite static currently, another chesty cough. I visit 1 to 2 times a week now, often she is snoozing when I arrive. The radiator/wall heater in her room has been smashed -I suspect another resident as they all wander round each others rooms often and there are one or two with a tendency at the moment. I've asked that it gets sorted PDQ as my mum feels the cold in even in the care home.

I have somehow changed my outllook more over the last few months and finally come to accept where we are at. I do still have emotional days, but not in the same way as before -I think as mum drifts away more into the world of dementia it has become a changed existence. But even so, there are still glimmers now and again of some familiarity. Often there is more silence and a long distant stare more than anything else, but sometimes a smile comes over her as she looks at me and for a fleeting moment my mum is almost mum as I knew her before and then it vanishes again.

 

[Jaded'n'faded]

You did so much for your mum when she was at home. When she moved to the care home you went out of your way to make sure others looked after her but still did things to help and please her yourself. When you visit it now it's pretty obvious there isn't anything more you can do for her now.

I remember something similar as my mum deteriorated. One by one, the things I could do for her reduced in number. I used to take her out for a meal or short walk. That went after she broke her hip and became incontinent. I used to be able to hold conversations with her (albeit strange ones!) and could still make her laugh. And I could still share some memories with her. Gradually I realised the only thing I could still do was bring her the big chocolate buttons she liked so much when I visited. Then the day came when she no longer wanted those either and it seemed there was nothing left for me to do. I used to love them too but I will never eat them again.

Thinking of you...

 

[Palerider]

Well I visited mum today, and there she was in the recliner chair in the lounge flat out. I managed to wake her but she was clearly very tired and sleepy and looked grey, a drastic change to Christmas weekend -but this is how it is now, up and down.

Desperately waiting for the recliner chair to arrive so she can have some peace in her room in comfort and classic FM on the radio which remarkably she will hum along to now and again -especially Greensleeves

 

[Palerider]

Well mums new chair has arrived and I am very pleased with it, although mum seems to be avoiding going in her room as usual. I know she will sleep in it when she gets very tired. I confess I sat playing with the electric controls for a while and then managed to get mum to sit in it -she nodded off

 

[Frank24]

Such a hard time sending you best wishes.

 

[Jaded'n'faded]

I used to laugh at all those TV adverts for adjustable beds and walk-in showers. These days I find myself rather interested!

Glad the new chair suits your mum @Palerider !

 

[Palerider]

I used to laugh at all those TV adverts for adjustable beds and walk-in showers. These days I find myself rather interested!

Glad the new chair suits your mum @Palerider !

I could do with one myself

 

[Palerider]

Well I visited mum today and she was asleep in her chair in the lounge having eaten her breakfast -slump rather uncomfortably in a chair. It took a while but she woke up finally after a few attempts and boy was she chatty with me, none of which I could understand but just my facial expressions were enough to keep her engaged, though I am sure its my voice she recognizes more than any visual aspect of me.

Anyway one of the new carers (yes again) was telling me she loves her new chair and they find it difficult to to get her out of it to see to her care needs -so I feel it was the right time and well worth the cost. Doesn't change anything else, but makes me feel better knowing mum has some comfort.

 

[slim-jim]

Well I visited mum today, and there she was in the recliner chair in the lounge flat out. I managed to wake her but she was clearly very tired and sleepy and looked grey, a drastic change to Christmas weekend -but this is how it is now, up and down.

Desperately waiting for the recliner chair to arrive so she can have some peace in her room in comfort and classic FM on the radio which remarkably she will hum along to now and again -especially Greensleeves

Hi ,I was so struck by some similarities of my wife to your mum.the blank looks the sleeping or laid with eyes closed.my wife is bed bound now with lots of the advanced Alzheimer's .but the thing that struck me was that my wife always at home had Classic FM going in the background and her favourite is and was Greensleeves.usually when I visit the care home the TV is playing and my wife has no idea what she is watchin so I turn it off and put the radio on with Classic FM, incredible what effect music can have on the very sick.

 

[karaokePete]

That seems to have been a good visit for both you and your mum @Palerider. I'm glad it went well.

I got a recliner for my wife a year ago and, even though she could never figure out how to use it, I know it brought her joy when I put her feet up for her.

 

[MaNaAk]

The visits change as time goes by, now they are more difficult. There is no doubt my mum is now on the end of the downward spiral. She is still quite amazing in some ways, but all recognition is gone, and her physical contracture is now worse than ever -it's a miracle she continues to shuffle round and round the corridors when she's not snoozing. Her spine a chest deformity is now severe, her chin almost touching her chest constantly -it's painful to witness. It's a small wonder that she has not already succumb to a pneumonia and I think the only reason why is because at the moment she can still just about mobilize. I feel quite helpless and also lost in what if anything I can do.

Hugs

MaNaAk

 

[Palerider]

Hi ,I was so struck by some similarities of my wife to your mum. The blank looks the sleeping or laid with eyes closed.my wife is bed bound now with lots of the advanced Alzheimer's .but the thing that struck me was that my wife always at home had Classic FM going in the background and her favorite is and was Greensleeves. Usually when I visit the care home the TV is playing and my wife has no idea what she is watchin so I turn it off and put the radio on with Classic FM, incredible what effect music can have on the very sick.

Yeh my mum loved Classic FM. The first three letters on her old car registration were CFM which she referred to very often as Classic FM, which became mums name for her car -now sadly scrapped.

My mum born in 1939 is war / post-war generation she grew up with Greensleeves and many other well known songs and melodies in school which always talked about quite frequently when she was being nostalgic, another one of her still favorite's is Shenandoah plus many others.

I do the same thing in mums room because the TV is not her fave thing and switch over to Classic FM which she enjoys and these days will either recognize a tune and sometimes sing along or find the music so soothing she nods off

 

[Palerider]

That seems to have been a good visit for both you and your mum @Palerider. I'm glad it went well.

I got a recliner for my wife a year ago and, even though she could never figure out how to use it, I know it brought her joy when I put her feet up for her.

Thanks

As you know very well its always difficult knowing what to expect, some visits are dire and just think are we moving on? And then other visits are better -but yesterdays visit was amazing, I can't describe how good it was to see my mum so chirpy, even though things are all going in the wrong direction. It gave me some peace for once, but I also know this can all flip and change again and one day it will.

Thanks for passing by @karaokePete -I know your own situation is far from where you'd like it to be

 

[notsogooddtr]

My Dad once sang ‘I’m Enery the 8th I am’ ,this was at the point were he hadn’t really spoken for many weeks and not long before he died.We were ‘watching’ TV,Wolf Hall,he recognised the character and remembered the song.Dementia is the strangest thing.