The other day we had company for coffee ,2 of my OH's relatives,we chatted for a while then they asked my OH if we'd been out that morning,which we go out most mornings it's one of my husbands things going out every morning ,and he started to try and tell them where we'd been he just couldn't find the words he knew exactly what he wanted to say but the words wouldn't come to mind so he looks to me for the words we get by with this ,as he was trying to think where we'd been and what he wanted to say ,he got really fed up with it he shook his head and said HO dear !! I don't know ,and stopped trying,and then the 2 of them must have thought it sounded funny as they started to laugh not for very long but long enough for me to feel sad and the conversation stopped,i felt very very upset , I had a really bad hurt feeling inside ,all though my OH can't remember what happens from one minute to the next most of the time ,it takes me a very long time to get over feeling hurt and upset these days it's the worse thing ever for him not to be able to remember and have to rely on me. He use to love to talk to people . As his relatives was going I felt like saying how upset I was. This is mine and my husbands life .so please try to understand .i wanted to write this down and tell someone who knows exactly what I'm saying and how this made me feel .x
It's no laughing matter
- Thread starter Martarita
- Start date
Hello @Martarita and welcome to Talking Point.
Unfortunately, unless you have actually cared for someone with dementia you really have no ideas of the issues.
Im sorry your OHs relatives upset you. Try and let it wash over you - explanations probably wont change their attitude.
Fortunately, everyone on here understands
(((((((hugs))))))))
Unfortunately, unless you have actually cared for someone with dementia you really have no ideas of the issues.
Im sorry your OHs relatives upset you. Try and let it wash over you - explanations probably wont change their attitude.
Fortunately, everyone on here understands
(((((((hugs))))))))
How horrible for you and your partner. But I expect that your relatives laughed out of nervousness. Sometimes people do it when they feel uncomfortable and u sure.I am not surprised you are upset though, it is awful to witness your husband so demeaned and diminished, no wonder you feel protective of him and upset for him. I am currently drafting a letter to the Doctor we saw this week, he was just so harsh and unkind in the way he spoke to my husband. I am going to tell him exactly what I thought of his manner. Unfortunately every time I go back to the letter it makes me feel all upset again and I get tearful. The only slightly positive thing is my husband has forgotten it. I hope you feel better for writing it down. Sending you love and a virtual hug. Xx
Hi Martarita:
First off a BIG WELCOME to TP, you will find much comfort here as everyone has the same problems yet the problems are all different. There is always someone hear to listen so rant, rave, vent all you want, nobody judges. There is much knowledge & experience on here. We are all here to help each other in any way we can.
My husband is the same as yours, he tries to say something but can't find the correct words to express himself. Often times he says nothing because he feels that people just will not understand when he can't find the right words. I believe that the alzheimers society along with advertising have given people a better understanding of what dementia & other illnesses involving the brain are & how a person afflicted with these illnesses feel. I know when my husband feels comfortable with someone he will let his shields down and he can be the person he really is and not have to put on an act My husband often tells me he just wants to be normal again, it just breaks my heart, but then I turn to him & say "What is normal these days?" It's not easy for us caregivers and no amount of education or advertising will make them understand how we really feel. That's where TP is so helpful, it's a community of people that are going through the same things and understand. Keep posting, it helps.
Hi Martarita,
I'm really sorry to hear about what happened with your OH family, a bit different in the sense that it is my father that has Alzheimer's but he really struggles with word's now and it's hard to understand him. When he trys it's a struggle for him and I think he is aware of it just and sometimes people just continue over him as it's of course uncomfortable but it also make's me feel sad especially as use of language was a thing that was important to him. I feel helpless and I worry how much it effects him but probably gone past that stage where he would feel really upset.
Sorry if rambling but it's my first post, and I am staying with him for a few day's as I live several hour's away so feeling a bit down about it all but it's nice to know I can read things on here where people know what it's like.
I'm really sorry to hear about what happened with your OH family, a bit different in the sense that it is my father that has Alzheimer's but he really struggles with word's now and it's hard to understand him. When he trys it's a struggle for him and I think he is aware of it just and sometimes people just continue over him as it's of course uncomfortable but it also make's me feel sad especially as use of language was a thing that was important to him. I feel helpless and I worry how much it effects him but probably gone past that stage where he would feel really upset.
Sorry if rambling but it's my first post, and I am staying with him for a few day's as I live several hour's away so feeling a bit down about it all but it's nice to know I can read things on here where people know what it's like.
Hello @Martarita
I remember how protective I was when my husband had difficulties in the company of people who didn`t understand his condition. I would have been cross and hurt if his difficulties had been seen as amusing.
It`s too late now to say anything to those relatives but if there are any arrangements to meet up in future, you will have time to warn them their behaviour was not appropriate.
I remember how protective I was when my husband had difficulties in the company of people who didn`t understand his condition. I would have been cross and hurt if his difficulties had been seen as amusing.
It`s too late now to say anything to those relatives but if there are any arrangements to meet up in future, you will have time to warn them their behaviour was not appropriate.
Write and even apologise for not warning more about his illness and symptoms beforehand. I know this sticks in the throat but if these visits are useful in any way to you and your husband, it can help both sides. People do laugh when uncomfortable it is a survival instinct! They really do not know to respond.
