It's life Jim - but not as we know it!

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by jenniferjean, Sep 18, 2019.

  1. jenniferjean

    jenniferjean Registered User

    Apr 2, 2016
    514
    Female
    Basingstoke, Hampshire
    I've tried a couple of times but on both occasions although I thought he was well asleep he awoke as soon as I got out of bed. Other times when that has been my intention, I'm so tired that I fall asleep too.
     
  2. Dimpsy

    Dimpsy Registered User

    Sep 2, 2019
    385
    Female
    Back to the drawing board and we'll all put our thinking caps! X
     
  3. Helped

    Helped Registered User

    Jul 9, 2019
    26
    Female
    I understand your problem, I used to do a lot of fine needlework - the sort that needs hours of concentration, but since my husbands diagnosis I been doing less and less and now have stopped all together. This is because, no matter what the weather is like, Jim likes to go out in the car every day, so I have to think of somewhere to drive him to and it is driving me round the bend! If I don't take him he just sits in front of the TV all day and falls asleep so I feel duty bound to drive him somewhere to try to keep him stimulated. I dread the winter as there are less 'events' to take him to. Fortunately, we have had separate bedrooms for 20 years so I do get some 'me time' when I can read (I too love reading). I would also recommend audio books - you must have some time of your own as you need to recharge your batteries.
     
  4. TNJJ

    TNJJ Registered User

    May 7, 2019
    653
    Female
    cornwall
    Hi.Both of my parents do this.Apparently as you get older ,the jaw slightly misaligns so the teeth grind .So it is the nose drips.Not nice I know.Im always giving the parents hankies.
    :rolleyes:
     
  5. jenniferjean

    jenniferjean Registered User

    Apr 2, 2016
    514
    Female
    Basingstoke, Hampshire
    This is what my husband does, sit in front of the TV. Unfortunately I don't drive and his walking is so bad now that the most he can do is walk to the bus stop. I suppose I should take him on the bus more than I do. I'm not looking forward to winter.
     
  6. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,735
    Kent
    My husband got to that stage too, just sitting in front of the television.

    He continued to want on a daily paper which enabled me to get out for a 20 minute daily walk to and from the paper shop. Otherwise , until I managed to get a carer, we were housebound.

    Once the muscles start to waste, the mobility is affected getting in and out of cars or taxis becomes difficult.

    It`s a painful process for everyone.
     
  7. TNJJ

    TNJJ Registered User

    May 7, 2019
    653
    Female
    cornwall
    I always feel guilty that I don’t take dad out more.His mobility is very bad.He can only walk with a gutter frame.
    So when we go out it has to be in a wheelchair,with a sickness tablet.
    Then a wheelchair taxi.But to get him out I have to put out a ramp which is also heavy.
    By the time I get all this organised I’m shattered.So I’m not mentioning going out much these days to be honest.

    Another thing to be guilty of!
     
  8. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,735
    Kent
    No please don`t.

    If your dad needs a sickness tablet to go out in a wheelchair, it`s probably not best for him. My husband couldn`t cope with a wheelchair taxi, it made him nauseous too.

    We sometimes think we should be doing this, that or the other, when really at a certain stage all our people with dementia want is a bit of peace.
     
  9. TNJJ

    TNJJ Registered User

    May 7, 2019
    653
    Female
    cornwall
    Thanks.It always helps to get others perspective on things.:)
     
  10. Dimpsy

    Dimpsy Registered User

    Sep 2, 2019
    385
    Female
    You're right @Grannie G, it's a fine line we walk as carers. I try and take mum for a walk every day, she needs a walking stick and arm to hold onto, but I feel keeping her mobile for as long as possible is important for her physical health and makes our lives easier as well.

    Some days I have to use a lot of encouragement as mum would rather sit on her bottom, but I say use it or lose it.
    I dread the time when she can't walk and the next set of problems we will encounter so mobility and hydration are my key words.

    PS - it might sound like it , but honestly, I'm not running a boot camp for the elderly!
     
  11. TNJJ

    TNJJ Registered User

    May 7, 2019
    653
    Female
    cornwall
    Me neither!Trouble is dad asks to go out but does not realise how heavy he is..(6ft1 and 13stone).Even though he is losing weight he is still a dead weight.
    But to be honest it is getting less and less.He has declined in the last week ,so I’m afraid the garden is as far as I have gone.I cannot physically do it any more.
     
  12. Duggies-girl

    Duggies-girl Registered User

    Sep 6, 2017
    1,601
    Dad spends all day in his chair now sleeping or watching TV and I let him because it is easier.

    He is very frail and uses a frame to get to the car and then a wheelchair when we get to wherever we are going and it is all such an effort for him and for me. The only time he leaves the house now is for appointments. Getting him over the back doorstep is a nightmare for me because he is so wobbly and the front door is even worse with double steps.

    I don't feel guilty because he is happy and I don't have the worry of him falling. He is declining physically but that is to be expected because of his cancer as well as the dementia.

    He can still get himself around his bungalow though so not all bad.
     
  13. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    1,689
    Oh my that has made me giggle! The thought of Lycra.........
     
  14. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    1,689
    Love the title of your thread! I’d forgotten that tune but now can’t get it out of my head.... ooo that’s kylie m! My inner jukebox is on overdrive
     
  15. White Rose

    White Rose Registered User

    Nov 4, 2018
    87
    Hi Andrew - I wish I could send our audio books to you - maybe through via the Alzheimer's Society? My partner used to buy them but he never listened to them. We're moving house and I need to get rid of stuff. You do find them sometimes in charity shops and car boot sales.
     
  16. White Rose

    White Rose Registered User

    Nov 4, 2018
    87
    I love your title 'It's life Jim but not as we know it' - totally sums it up. Wasn't the phrase also in the song 'Star Trekking'? I have exactly the same problem as you, my partner will only go to bed when I do and then he wants to get up at the same time as I do in the morning (I usually manage to persuade him to lie in a bit longer). Luckily he goes to sleep as soon as he gets into bed so I'm able to read for a little while - though often it's only a couple of pages before I'm nodding off to sleep as well!
     
  17. jenniferjean

    jenniferjean Registered User

    Apr 2, 2016
    514
    Female
    Basingstoke, Hampshire
    I'm not looking forward to tomorrow. My husband is due at hospital to have his cataract removed with general anaesthetic. That alone is worrying as is any operation. But first I have to get him there. Even after a meal he will raid the fridge. He's not allowed to eat after 7 a.m., keeping him out of the kitchen won't be easy. Once he's had his breakfast I will stay on guard as much as I can in the kitchen, but I anticipate that I will have to tape up the fridge door. I'll maybe stick a big sign on the door saying "KEEP OUT".

    And then they'll be the "Why, where are we going?" to deal with.
     
  18. mancmum

    mancmum Registered User

    Feb 6, 2012
    390
    Had to do exactly the same. Check with the hospital - they were happy with us arriving as early as we could provided we told them we were on the way The GA had no adverse effects on father ....in fact when I told him he had an eye patch on he said...like Nelson. Make sure the hospital give you multiple eye shields to wear afterwards. If he takes them off because they are transparent they are difficult to find I moved the cereal from its usual place to inside the washing machine or something like that. I found father a little high afterwards and even though we had been up at six he was still pretty hyper at 9.00 p.m. while I was shattered. Father had no ill effects other than refusing to believe he had had an operation. keeping the eye shield on was difficult. Get micropore tape..our hospital doesn't tell you you need that so there you are discharged, knanckered needing to get supplies of micropore. Get a gauze bandage wrap head like tutankhamun and then micropore the eyeshield on. Th
     
  19. jenniferjean

    jenniferjean Registered User

    Apr 2, 2016
    514
    Female
    Basingstoke, Hampshire
    Thanks for the heads-up, gratefully received.
     
  20. jugglingmum

    jugglingmum Registered User

    Jan 5, 2014
    5,272
    Female
    Chester
    Hope all goes well today
     

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