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its beginning to get me down

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Richystu, May 14, 2015.

  1. Richystu

    Richystu Registered User

    May 14, 2015
    my mum has vascular dementia, she lives in yorkshire I live in london. We lost my dad 18months a go than lost my brother 6 months later all of this has had a catastohic effect on my mum. I had to arrange both funerals and suport my mum emotionally I call her very day and spend at least an hour on the phone, I vivist as often as i can, all my anual leave is taken up with visiting her, i enjoy being with her and we always have a laugh together. She lives alone and is becoming very frail, her short term memory is getting so bad and I worry about her so much now. sorry for the ramble but i'm not sure how I can carry on.
  2. patsy56

    patsy56 Registered User

    Jan 14, 2015
    Fife Scotland
    I am so sorry but welcome to TP you will find all you need to know here and you will find new friends too who can help.
  3. Bill Owen

    Bill Owen Registered User

    Feb 17, 2014
    I feel the same

    my wife has l/b/d only 60 years old still young . Me only 62/ young .wife has been bad for 4 years now . My frinds go on holladays. Nigths out .go for meals. Go for waks. Shopping . Get negged by the wife joke.but there many days i feel it very hard . Missing what would be fun time with my wife . I feel some time i could run away from this . But when i look up to my wife after i have give her a bath she give a smill it just melt me .sorry im dislix has well.
  4. Kjn

    Kjn Registered User

    Jul 27, 2013
    I'm sorry you've had such a rough trot and struggling. Do keep posting and chatting here, some lovely folk here and full of help and advice. X

    Bill , you too, it's hard , keep posting don't worry re dyslexia , my OH has trouble with that too x
  5. Optomistic

    Optomistic Registered User

    Jul 24, 2014
    Hi Bill,

    My husband is 77and has alzheimers the frontal lobe type that affects memory and speech. I am 64 and know how you feel everybody around is enjoying retirement but we have no future now. I look after my husband all the time take him out everyday but he is not the same the conversations we have are different he is often confused and cant take in what im saying. We are going on holiday in three weeks my son is coming to help i hope we enjoy it.
  6. Essie

    Essie Registered User

    Feb 11, 2015
    Hi Richystu, welcome to TP - caring is hard in itself but caring long distance brings it's own problems - the constant worrying and wondering if someone is OK, has had a fall, is safe, etc. etc. Does your Mum have a good care plan in place - carers coming in every day, day centre visits, a befriending service calling on her? Is she still independently mobile, safely? If not then getting these things in place for her would at least reassure you somewhat that she is being monitored on a daily basis - or do you think residential care would be more appropriate at this stage? If she is still able to socialise and interact but frailness and mobility are becoming safety issues then a good care home would offer company and stimulation in a safe environment with help always on hand and the burden of day to day chores removed - you know best what stage she's at in terms of needs but if you put into place all that you think she needs than at least you will, hopefully, have a bit more peace of mind when you can't be with her.
  7. patsy56

    patsy56 Registered User

    Jan 14, 2015
    Fife Scotland
    I am a second wife, B is 76 I'm almost 59, and yes I know what you all mean, I thought we'd have time together, I could take early retirement, and we could travel, but now with his Parkinson's and what looks and sounds like early dementia, I too feel robbed.

    Would I change things..........no I married him for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and cherish.......I can't desert him.......I need to be his strength, I need to be strong for him.

    And must say being here so helps.

    Mother lives 50mils away, I tried to get her into a home nearer me, she refused, we now have day carers coming in but I'm sorry B comes 1st all the time.
  8. SueShell

    SueShell Registered User

    Sep 13, 2012
    Oh Ruchystu you have had a rough time of it. May I suggest you contact Mums social services so they are aware. She may not need help at the moment but its good to make them aware, saves lot of time and complications further down the line when you may wish your Mum to have some practical help. Sue
  9. MikeyD

    MikeyD Registered User

    May 18, 2015
    Hi Richystu, I'm beginning to feel the same as you. I'm really new to this and never post on threads/forums etc but I guess we just have to support each other in these situations.
    My Nan is beginning to get memory loss and is unable to cook independently or look after herself as she used to. We haven't had a proper diagnosis yet but I think it might be vascular dementia from everything Ive been reading as well. I don't quite know what to say but just wanted you to know that we're all going through it. Stay strong and spend lots of time chatting and making your Mum happy. They feel the emotion of happiness even if their short-term memroy is really bad. Looking at old pictures helps My Nan to have some good days. As you'll know, some days are better than others.
    Anyway I don't quite know what to say but continue to be strong for your Mum


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