IS THERE....Holiday Respite For Suffers Of Dementia

Discussion in 'Memory concerns and seeking a diagnosis' started by KIM62, Apr 12, 2008.

  1. KIM62

    KIM62 Registered User

    Apr 12, 2008
    #1 KIM62, Apr 12, 2008
    Last edited: Apr 12, 2008

    This May Seem An Unusual Request, But Here Goes...
    My Sister In Law Is Now In Full Time Residential Care, Being Diagnosed With Vascular Dementia.
    She Has A Some Mobility, But A Little Doddery On Her Feet. She Needs Constant 24 Hour Care For Her Own Safety And Security.

    Anyway, Every Time My Husband And I Go To Visit Her She Always Asks When We Are Going On Holiday. I Keep Putting Her Off For One Reason Or Another.
    But Something Happened Recently, She Tried To Escape From The Home She Resides In. I Asked Her If She Was Not Happy There, She Is, But She Said Shes Bored Because Shes Not Getting Out Anywhere, And Would Like A Change Of Scenery.
    When She Was In Respite Care, Two Week At A Time, She Enjoyed The Trips Out Shopping And The Odd Visit To The Seaside For Fish And Chips. Before Her Illness She Went On Holiday Abroad 2 To 4 Times A Year And Now That Has All Stopped.

    Is There Anywhere On The East Coast Of Yorkshire That Could Offer My Sister-in-law One Or Two Weeks Respite Care,with The Same Kind Of 24 Hour Care She Gets Now, Just To Give Her A Change Of Scenery.
    Surely, Full Time Residential Care Does Not Just End At One Home Of Permanent Residence.

    Please Can Anyone Help
  2. helen.tomlinson

    helen.tomlinson Registered User

    Mar 27, 2008
    Hello Kim

    I wonder why her place of residential care are not offering her trips out? My sister works in a nursing home and they offer trips out for some residents.

    Is this something you could ask the manager about?

    Best wishes

  3. KIM62

    KIM62 Registered User

    Apr 12, 2008
    When my sister in law tried to 'escape' she commented it was through being bored and nothing to do, she was thinking back to Respite when there was much to do. The Respite she was in catered for people with depression.The manager has commented that there will be trips out when the weather improves, and also enough staff. There is a supermarket nearby and they say she can always go out with a staff member when doing an errand. It is a lovely home, but to be honest I do have a couple of disagreements about it, maybe only minor to some, and my sister in law has stated she does not want to move again.I feel there is no privacy, unless we go up a flight of stairs to her room, she does not like the chair lift. Also two large lounges, and both have the t.v no matter what time I have visited. I feel t.v is a conversation killer, and with people whos minds are suffering hallucinations, surely the last thing they need to listen to is a world in the 'idiots' lantern. She often sits away from these rooms in the dining room, as she has said 'theres nothing worth watching anyway'.
    We are due to go into a meeting to review her, but I know the minute I state what my feelings are, they will be shot down for some reason or another.
  4. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    #4 Margarita, Apr 13, 2008
    Last edited: Apr 13, 2008
    I know every one different, but could it be that your sisters going throw a stage that she can still remember how life was & want to go back to that time how her life was , because her life is now changing she has so much time on her hands to think because she not forgotten how it use to be . Now may be because she can’t retain any new memory where she is now is , so she go back in to her mind her memory of the past as it gives her comfort to think of those times.

    She never understands or may be never except that life has change for her & life will never be like it was in the past. Taking her away on a day trip may help, but would it stop her Escapeing another time I am not sure.

    I found with my mother she remember the past more then what she did yesterday at day centre . So even if care home your sister in do entertain her keep her busy , she may still want to Escape , when really she can never Escape to where she wants to be , because its all in her mind its all very physiological .

    I found with my mother only after few years when she lived with me , she stop wanting to go back to where she use to be so busy with her life.

    She did make new memory with me & she could retain some of them t so it help her to forget the past how life use to be for her , (only this year my mother was told she had VD even thought 6 years ago she was told she had AZ )

    Now mum in care home it’s going to start all over again :rolleyes:, as she told me yesterday how is the man in the day centre . so wants to go on living with me so she can go to day centre where she finds confort as they a man she likes .

    SO now all the past she use to want to go back to when she 1st stared to live me is gone in her Memory or she accepted that she can’t go back they . Its all very sad.

    My mother had me flying out with her to Gibraltar I tried to find her the place she was most happily in after my father pass away, 6 years ago, but really it was all in her mind . The past is dead and gone but in they minds it’s still alive . not sure how long it take with VD before its all wipe out .

    I know with my mother in a year time she forget how life was with me & get use to her new environment , its going to be hard on me . but I know she learn to live their just like she learn to live with me after my father pass away .

    But she going to find it hard excepting that she can’t go to day centre any more she miss those times
    I wonder if your sister just missing those times

    How long has your sister been in care home?
  5. KIM62

    KIM62 Registered User

    Apr 12, 2008
    My sister in law has really been in full time care since last December, starting with Respite. Then it was decided, meeting with social services doctors etc, that she should go straight into full time care, as soon as a place became available in a small run home. And, thats where she has been ever since the beginning of January. Like your mum, I know she is only thinking of the good times. For example, on our last holiday together (June 2007) we took her friend too, who she shared many a holiday with. Anyway, into the holiday she started to get very short temepered with her friend, which she found upsetting but never showed it and just smiled it off. It became such a bad atmosphere from my sister in law, that her friend approached me the night before we came home, and told me that never again could she go on holiday with my sister in law as she found her too upsetting. My sister in law actually lost the companionship of 4 holiday friends over as many years, and now we know why.
    And yet on the morning of returning home my sister in law was as sweet as pie to her friend. I asked her if she was ready for another holiday, to see the response, and the response I got was 'Oh no, I just want to go home and not think of holidays'!!!!!!! Now when this same friend pops into the home to visit, she is always asked when are we going on holiday again.
    I suppose it is all to do with just memories, and maybe somewhere deep down inside me I think 'please by the grace of any great power, dont let this happen to me'.

    Maybe in the long run it probably would be cheaper to treat the residents to a minibus and let them be taken on a day out, then pay for the additional expense of a home.

    Thank you Margarita for your response to this, and I hope that all goes well for you and yours in life.
  6. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    #6 Margarita, Apr 14, 2008
    Last edited: Apr 14, 2008
    They do say that people in general have selective memory. Sound good in a way for your Sister in Law that she only remember the good time.

    While we left we both the negative & the positive memory with our time with them . I do find it amazing how the memory brain works.

    Yes I have also said many a time to myself , "but for the grace of god go I"

    but with Vascular Dementia its to do with the Body that lead up to (Vascular)the brain lack of Oxgent (sp) how we look after are body heart, what we eat. Of course also. Some people have diabetic heart condition when young so a higher chance of getting VD as they get older.

    We better look after our health, because they do say God only help those that help themselves, where I can say if we don’t help Look after our health no one going to do it for us not even a God .

    Anyway lets no worry about that as it only do our heads in :D
    your also xx
  7. KIM62

    KIM62 Registered User

    Apr 12, 2008
    I just thought I would pop in here and up date you with my S-I-L progress.

    She is now happy in the NH she lives. Shes happy with the staff, as she finds them friendly and chatty to her. She feels that they all look after her well, and is looking forward to the planned days out, now that the nice weather is upon us. We have stated that whatever is planned, and she wants to go on the trip then just to let her go, and we will make sure costs are covered. She has her hair done everyweek now, which was something she had in her 'previous' life. Her nails too,are done on a regular basis, she just loves the pampering. Of course, on the medical side new problems seem to occur on a weekly basis, at the moment she is unable to keep still and is constantly walking around.
    So, finally with regard to the topic of this thread 'Holiday Respite' it is not a concideration. Of course she does still ask about having an holiday, we just say when the doctors say your better.
    I will say one thing about dementia, it makes those of us who are not sufferers brilliant liars, I never thought I could lie so well.

    Strength to you all
  8. KIM62

    KIM62 Registered User

    Apr 12, 2008
    Just an update...

    SIL is still doing quite well in her nursing home care, in fact this time last year we thought it was touch and go with her, she looked so dreadful...but now shes practically blooming. The family got together recently and have all decided that we are going to take her off on holiday,abroad yes abroad. We have discussed in great detail all responsibilities entailed for the week. And, so with only a couple hours flying time to Spain in a large villa its planned and booked. SIL is looking forward to it, and plans to go out and get a new wardrobe of clothes(she'll need to shes gone up a dress size). I did consult her G.P who assured me as long as she maintains the level she is at, and that the family are always in attendance to safeguard her security and needs, there is no problem she can see to stop her going. I will of course be the P.A dictating to everyone their roles, but hey someone has to.
  9. TinaT

    TinaT Registered User

    Sep 27, 2006
    What a lovely post. I too take my husband out as often as I can. I'm now planning to take him down to Guildford (with the help of one of my sons) to see his grandaughter's first birthday. The staff at my husband's home are very supportive and without their good will, I would never have been able to maintain some semblance of a 'normal' life for my husband. I thank God that he is well enough to be able to have these little trips and I can still lay down some memories. Others have a very different reality to cope with.

  10. lesmisralbles

    lesmisralbles Account Closed

    Nov 23, 2007
    Dear Kim

    Go for it:D
    I took Ron to Cyprus last September.
    You go for it:D
    Make sure you have insurance:(

    Barb XX & Ron ZZZ
  11. Lynne

    Lynne Registered User

    Jun 3, 2005
    Best wishes Kim

    And thank you for keeping up the story to include the good times (& plans) as well as the worrying times.
  12. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    Nice to see an update on how your SIL is getting on .

    Wow you have more courage then me , but go for it . My mother mobility is not good , and is scared to go into a wheelchair, and flying but I must say if it was ant for being scared I would of taken mum abroad .

    How many in the family are going with you ?
  13. Helen33

    Helen33 Registered User

    Jul 20, 2008
    Hello Kim

    It was really good to read your update and am so glad that your sister in law is doing so well. I hope you all have a wonderful holiday and that we will have the pleasure of some photos on the sticky pics thread;)

    Love and best wishes

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