is it time to get mam into a care home??

[oldsoulchild]

mam has been rapidly getting worse, more forgetful and confused each day, often makes cup of tea without the tea bags, endless list of things she struggles with each day
she still lives at home and has carers 3 times a day.
yesterday she was missing for between 6-8 hours, i rang the police and made a missing person report, she turned up couple of hours later and told me she'd been to the place they keep the secrets!
today i took her out for a walk with the dog, i turned around and she'd opened her cardigan, she was naked underneath! i tried to get her to cover up and she got angry with me, saying she was wearing a bra and underskirt and two cardigans,
i made a phone call to her care manager today to ask for more help to delay putting her into a home, but really,,,when she clearly didnt realise she was naked i kinda knew it was time to get her into care,
i was later told she was wandering today and when she was asked her name she didnt know it.
i've known for a while that she will end up in a care home but kept thinking it was some time away...
i never thought this day would really come,
i want to be a hero and look after her myself but i know i cant handle it
i also dont wanna make that call...but its the right thing to do isnt it?

 

[steeevy]

My heart goes out to you!
we're in the same position,My Father passed away 10 days ago,and mam still insists hes still in hospital,even though she saw him just after death,and went to the funeral!
She knows she went to someones funeral,but doesnt have a clue whose!
Sunday,she asked if he was in prison.
We have to tell her at least 5 times a day where he is,and its killing us.
She also phoned us and asked if she slept in her own house last night,because nothing was familiar to her,this scares us as,if nothing is familiar,is she going to go walkabout to find somewhere that IS familiar to her????
We dont want to,but I think we HAVE to put her into a care home,for her own safety!!!
Its one of the hardest decisions we(and you)have to make!!
Good luck in your decision.

 

[Sandy]

Hi Debbie,

I guess the question I would be asking myself in your position is what else would need to happen before you were sure that your mother was no longer safe to be left alone?

There usually comes a time when someone with dementia needs 24/7 support and is unable to live alone, even with visits from carers.

I have always thought that wandering is one of the red flags that says someone needs 24/7 support. Most people aren't able to provide that for an elderly parent who lives alone, which leaves a care home as the next alternative.

It sounds like you need the support of someone like your mother's social worker or Community Psychiatric Nurse (does she have a CPN - reading your past posts it wasn't clear if she had been seen by the memory clinic for a formal diagnosis and possible treatment).

Even once the decision has been taken that a home is the next step, it can take a fair amount of time to find the right home (lots of visits to inspect homes) and sort out finances. Many good homes also have waiting lists.

I would contact your mum's GP or SW and ask for some help in evaluating the situation, but once you get to the point where a vulnerable adult is wandering alone it is time to put some other arrangements in place quickly.

Take care,