Oh you are so kind to reply. Thank you! Yes one of the toughest decisions and I'm totally stressed now having implemented decision yesterday. Two adult, very elderly parents, different needs, mother with dementia. Last resort - tried everything else but need somewhere for them to be safe and also gain some joy if at all possible. See my previous "rant"!
My brother and I took them yesterday as planned. My father aware that 1 month respite care may turn into permanent; we lied to our mother and said it was two weeks to get them back on their feet again. From that moment its been a stressful and emotional nightmare.
She constantly questions everything; less than an hour after arriving to a lovely place just up the road from me she was complaining, saying she won't stay and has already packed her case to leave. She is on a different floor to our father who needs some peace from her constant hassling of him so she feels detached from him which isn't great when trying to settle her.
Last night when the calls to us from her had finally stopped (double figures to each) and we hoped for a quieter nigtht I'm called to say there's been an accident and my elderly father has fallen putting in his eye drops. Paramedics called as he is on warfarin and they are concerned for a head bleed. He spent 2 hrs on the floor of his room (I was with him) before I finally persuaded the medics not to send him to hospital. But today he is sore and hasn't left his bed and is sounding very sad and very fed up with life. Our mother still ranting upstairs.
I've taken our mother to see him but only for a short while to try and calm her but she can only talk about leaving and how awful I am for putting her in this ghastly" hotel"l!
What do we do? Care home doing all they can but cannot give them 24/7 individual attention. Masses going on but our mother refuses to get involved and has removed all personal items from her room as its not her home and she's not staying!
They cannot come home as they need more care than we can provide safely there. Really at the end of our tether and didn't have a clue how absolutely awful this all is. Thought a safe, very carefully chosen care home would be the start for some respite for us all but it is the absolute opposite currently.
I know its been only 24hrs but please can someone tell me this will get better. Its all consuming and adds big time to many years before of endless caring and nurture. They are so not happy currently and we don't know what to do for the best. but they are also so not happy at home!
Thank you too anyone who reads this second rant and can help. I'm so stressed.
My brother and I took them yesterday as planned. My father aware that 1 month respite care may turn into permanent; we lied to our mother and said it was two weeks to get them back on their feet again. From that moment its been a stressful and emotional nightmare.
She constantly questions everything; less than an hour after arriving to a lovely place just up the road from me she was complaining, saying she won't stay and has already packed her case to leave. She is on a different floor to our father who needs some peace from her constant hassling of him so she feels detached from him which isn't great when trying to settle her.
Last night when the calls to us from her had finally stopped (double figures to each) and we hoped for a quieter nigtht I'm called to say there's been an accident and my elderly father has fallen putting in his eye drops. Paramedics called as he is on warfarin and they are concerned for a head bleed. He spent 2 hrs on the floor of his room (I was with him) before I finally persuaded the medics not to send him to hospital. But today he is sore and hasn't left his bed and is sounding very sad and very fed up with life. Our mother still ranting upstairs.
I've taken our mother to see him but only for a short while to try and calm her but she can only talk about leaving and how awful I am for putting her in this ghastly" hotel"l!
What do we do? Care home doing all they can but cannot give them 24/7 individual attention. Masses going on but our mother refuses to get involved and has removed all personal items from her room as its not her home and she's not staying!
They cannot come home as they need more care than we can provide safely there. Really at the end of our tether and didn't have a clue how absolutely awful this all is. Thought a safe, very carefully chosen care home would be the start for some respite for us all but it is the absolute opposite currently.
I know its been only 24hrs but please can someone tell me this will get better. Its all consuming and adds big time to many years before of endless caring and nurture. They are so not happy currently and we don't know what to do for the best. but they are also so not happy at home!
Thank you too anyone who reads this second rant and can help. I'm so stressed.
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