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Inappropriate Sexual Behaviour

Discussion in 'Welcome and how to use Talking Point' started by Sazzle1971, Dec 7, 2017 at 3:54 AM.

  1. Sazzle1971

    Sazzle1971 New member


    My Father is 90 and lives with my husband and I. He was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s last year (my mother also had it and passed away nearly 10 years ago).

    My father seems to have required a habit which I think has been going on for 2 years where he is constantly watching porn on his computer or DVDs on the TV which I find really distressing and when I try to talk to him about it he says he has no interest and won’t do it again (he always does).

    Two weeks ago I came home to find him watching porn at the computer (which is in the dining area) and he was masturbating and again today my husband came home from work and he was completely naked watching a pornographic film and doing it again.

    I believe there is a connection with Alzheimer’s from some research I’ve just done online but I just wanted to know if anyone else has experience with this and if there is anything that can be done to help.

    I am struggling to cope with this change in his behaviour and find it really distressing and talking to someone in a similar situation I feel would be helpful.

    Many thanks
  2. Amethyst59

    Amethyst59 Registered User

    Jul 3, 2017
    I have no experience of this...but I have heard about it, so I think it must be quite common...just not talked about much. I’m wondering if it could be dealt with in the same way as someone with special needs? Obviously the PWD lacks inhibitions, but needs guidance for appropriate behaviour, i.e. to masturbate in private. Would it be possible to provide some magazines for your dad to have in his bedroom?
  3. Bunpoots

    Bunpoots Registered User

    Apr 1, 2016
    Hello @Sazzle1971

    I know how horrible it can be when your dad starts to behave in this way as my dad did something similar, although I never caught him naked!!

    But about a year after he was diagnosed with Alzheimer's he was looking for a "young woman up to about 40" to satisfy his needs. He scared off his cleaning lady and made some inappropriate advances to his granddaughter and a friend of mine. It was a difficult time and what brought me to Talking Point. He was 87 at the time.

    Someone here suggested that medications can sometimes cause these sorts of behaviours so I did some research and went back to his consultant who (reluctantly) agreed to reduce his donepezil from 10mg (the increased dose coincided with the bad behaviour) to 5mg. It worked. Dad is 89 now and we haven't had a repeat of this type of behaviour.

    It may not be the cause with your dad but it's worth looking into. In the meantime Amethyst's suggestion of mags in his bedroom seems like a good one.
  4. LadyA

    LadyA Volunteer Host

    Oct 19, 2009
    Hello @Sazzle1971 and welcome.

    As others have said, unfortunately, this behaviour is quite common, but no less distressing for that. Definitely, talk to your dad's doctor. Not only may the behaviour be caused by medication, but there may be something he can prescribe to tone down his libido.

    Maybe you would benefit from a chat to the very experienced and knowledgable team on the Dementia Helpline? They can be contacted on
    National Dementia Helplinefor help and support.0300 222 11 22
  5. Shedrech

    Shedrech Volunteer Host

    Dec 15, 2012
    hello @Sazzle1971
    welcome to TP
    personally, I'd change the settings on the laptop and any such devices - I've never done it, but I believe there are 'childrens' settings which filter out inappropriate sites
    check whether he's paying to watch, as a lot of money may be funding his viewing
    can the DVDs be lost in a spring clean? muddled with some other ones (they just didn't end up back in the right cover/box. oh dear) - the DVD player broke down ....
    or the TV with DVD player moved to his room so he can only watch privately
    I appreciate that this is a familiar part of adult behaviour and you may not feel that you have a right to interfere - I wonder whether he would stop or lessen if he simply could not get access to his viewing; or whether there would be a negative reaction - your decision on that
    the parts of his brain that control such behaviour have been damaged, so his inhibitions have gone - the distinction between private and public for him is very hazy now - telling him where and when he can watch will effectively go in one ear and out the other - so you will have to arrange his viewing for him or let him be
    definitely worth having a chat with his GP
  6. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    South coast
    I had this problem with OH and I switched on the child filters on the wifi, so that these sites are blocked - then blamed it on our internet provider doing an update!
    OH didnt have any DVDs as he can no longer work out how to use the player, but I would be inclined to suddenly "break" them - oops, sorry, I tripped over!
  7. Sazzle1971

    Sazzle1971 New member

    Thank you for your response.

    We have put a child lock on the internet settings but he’s figured out how to take them off. I’m just in the process of changing the internet provider and move it from his name to mine which will hopefully stop that. I’ve thrown loads of DVDs away but at present he has access to 3 websites where his card details are saved, 1 of which is Amazon so he can purchase more. I am in possession of his debit card and cheque books but if I remove his amazon access he will simply go to the bank and order another card which he’s done multiple times before.

    I’m in the process of buying his house from him (he’d released equity in it some time ago) and once that is finalised I can register the PoA he has signed some time ago so I can then take complete control of finances and health decisions.

    I’m definitely going to speak with his doctor/consultant as well.
  8. Amethyst59

    Amethyst59 Registered User

    Jul 3, 2017
    Did you try the ‘privacy’ conversation? It sounds like he is very able in some cognitive areas, so he might understand? I know it doesn’t always work like that! I’m just thinking...sorry, playing devils advocate, but I’m just thinking of his right to a ‘personal life’, shall we say?
    This is a problem that I never would have anticipated before I knew about dementia. But we are dealing with adults, who have probably had healthy sex lives...and now we say they lose that too?
    I worked in a number of special schools, and I had to consider things I had never thought about before. This post has reminded me of some of the issues I had to re-evaluate my views about.
    I’m truly not saying this to upset you, or be difficult.
  9. margherita

    margherita Registered User

    May 30, 2017
    Italy, Milan and Acqui Terme
    #9 margherita, Dec 8, 2017 at 7:05 AM
    Last edited: Dec 8, 2017 at 5:35 PM
    I agree with @Amethyst59 .
    This thread made me think of two friends of mine. Both of them have adult sons ( one each) who are mentally impaired (no dementia) . They live in what we call " casa-famiglia" ( house-family).
    My friends tell me that sexual life is not forbidden, but only controlled to avoid all kind of problems..
    Well, that makes me feel uneasy, just like the thought of your PWD and the other patient in the care home.
    But I wonder if the problem is more mine than theirs.
    Hope I could convey what I think in an understandable way..As you probably know, English is not my language
  10. Sazzle1971

    Sazzle1971 New member

    Yes I have asked him to go in his bedroom several times. He generally responds that it’s his house and he should be able to do what he likes/or if I have the conversation after the event he denies doing it.

    His computer is in the dining room but he does have a tv in his room. Next step will probably be to move the computer into his bedroom to try and contain it in there.
  11. northumbrian_k

    northumbrian_k Registered User

    Mar 2, 2017
    Perhaps you could make moving the computer part of a (very light) refresh/rearrangement of the dining room ie if he questions why it needs to be moved it is as a convenience to him as the way the dining room now works means it is more difficult to house a computer

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