Inappropriate comments to female carers

[SallyKat]

Hello

My dad has vascular dementia. He has carers visit three times a day. A recurring theme lately is that he making inappropriate comments to female carers. The care company we use has an app that family members can access and read the carers notes. Today the carer has said my Dad has made inappropriate comments and she is contacting the office and told him it’s inappropriate. How do people manage this situation? I agree it’s inappropriate but I also recognise it’s the dementia. Whilst we can tell him it’s not appropriate I’m not sure he can retain this or change his behaviour. I guess some carers may request to not be assigned to that call if they are uncomfortable.

Any help or advice would be welcome.
Thank you

 

[Louise7]

Hello @SallyKat My mum did occasionally make rude comments about the appearance of some of her home carers but they seemed used to this and didn't make a big thing about it. Is your dad making comments of a sexual nature? There was a male resident in mum's care home who frequently made such comments to the female carers (and sometimes female visitors), and I could understand how this might have made some feel very uncomfortable, but the issue was resolved by only having male carers deal with the personal care for this resident. I think you're probably right about your dad not being able to change his behaviour but I hope that the care agency will be able to manage this as I'm sure that they will have come across this before. Perhaps have a chat with the care agency manager to mention that you read the note and hope that this doesn't cause any issues, to put your mind at rest?

 

[SallyKat]

Thank you. Yes, I think it’s of a sexual nature and I will speak to the care agency. They may need to review who they allocate to visit my Dad.

I really don’t want any carer to feel uncomfortable 😕

 

[Bunpoots]

Hi @SallyKat

If your dad has had any medication changes shortly before the inappropriate behaviour started it might be worth exploring if this could be the cause of it. I had this problem with my dad so I know how worrying it is. I hope you find a solution one way or another.

Changing dad’s meds cured the problem with him but I made sure the care agency had male staff available just in case it happened again.

 

[SallyKat]

Thank you. That’s something to think about.

 

[Weasell]

As you realise he has dementia.
Saying ‘ please don’t make inappropriate comments’ and have him wake up the next day a politically correct charmer just isn’t going to happen.
Carers get kicked, spat on, and punched and bitten. If they can’t deal with this they have not had enough training around challenging behaviour.
request that staff that can’t deal with this don’t visit. If they get that upset, they cannot be caring for your dad in the compassionate manner he deserves.
And don’t get too worried, it’s a common problem and any agency worth its salt will sort it out.

 

[Harky]

As you realise he has dementia.
Saying ‘ please don’t make inappropriate comments’ and have him wake up the next day a politically correct charmer just isn’t going to happen.
Carers get kicked, spat on, and punched and bitten. If they can’t deal with this they have not had enough training around challenging behaviour.
request that staff that can’t deal with this don’t visit. If they get that upset, they cannot be caring for your dad in the compassionate manner he deserves.
And don’t get too worried, it’s a common problem and any agency worth its salt will sort it out.

Spot on with your comments. If they're properly trained and a caring person they should be able to cope with these situations. Problem is, some of the agencies will employ whoever they can get despite being knowledgeable and a lot of the time it probably works until they come up against a dementia patient. A new agency has popped up in my area and after years of managing most situations well (we're both 80 years old) and getting to the stage where I may need occasional help. I plan to pay a visit to them and talk through problems/requirements.

 

[SallyKat]

As you realise he has dementia.
Saying ‘ please don’t make inappropriate comments’ and have him wake up the next day a politically correct charmer just isn’t going to happen.
Carers get kicked, spat on, and punched and bitten. If they can’t deal with this they have not had enough training around challenging behaviour.
request that staff that can’t deal with this don’t visit. If they get that upset, they cannot be caring for your dad in the compassionate manner he deserves.
And don’t get too worried, it’s a common problem and any agency worth its salt will sort it out.

Thank you so much. That’s helpful 😊

 

[SallyKat]

Spot on with your comments. If they're properly trained and a caring person they should be able to cope with these situations. Problem is, some of the agencies will employ whoever they can get despite being knowledgeable and a lot of the time it probably works until they come up against a dementia patient. A new agency has popped up in my area and after years of managing most situations well (we're both 80 years old) and getting to the stage where I may need occasional help. I plan to pay a visit to them and talk through problems/requirements.

Thank you 😊